Social taboos pressure lesbian love
Throughout South Asia, homosexuality has been a taboo subject. There are signs in some areas that gay people are now becoming more open - but that is not always the case. In the latest in a series of articles from the region, Sutapa Mukerjee looks at a problematic lesbian relationship in Allahabad, India.“It has been more than two weeks since we spoke and I haven’t seen my partner for almost a month. Life is not the same for me anymore,” says Usha Yadav. Hailing from a middle class family in Allahabad, a town in India’s northern Uttar Pradesh state, Usha first met her girlfriend Shilpi Gupta through a common friend a year back.Since that first meeting there was not a single day when they did not meet or talk to each other.But now the two lesbian lovers are not allowed to meet.
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Usha (L) and Shilpi say they loved each other at first sight
‘Same way of thinking’
Shilpi’s parents are keeping her under virtual house arrest and she is even barred from using the telephone.I am convinced about carrying on with our relationship… until society is compelled to accept us
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Usha is 20, a graduate and up until recently had been working as a computer instructor. Shilpi is 22.Usha does not shy away from stating that “it was love at first sight”.She says it started when they began chatting and discovered they have the same way of thinking."Shilpi understood my problems and was very supportive. I started loving her. She wanted me to write to her and would often send back the letters after leaving lipstick marks on them as a token of love."Before long, the two could not stay away from each other even for a day.Usha believes there is no reason why she should feel guilty or ashamed of loving another of the same sex.
Marriage rejected
"I guess I am made differently. I have never felt any affinity for the opposite sex.“As a teenager I loved another girl from my class in school but we too were separated as her parents were transferred to a far-off town.” Usha became angry when Shilpi was engaged to be married in mid-January.“I hated the idea of her living with another. Shilpi too hated every bit of it, as she had no interest in the guy.” Shilpi’s father says that she repeatedly turned down marriage proposals with men because of her “lesbian relationship with Usha Yadav”. This social pressure directed against the pair made them defiant.“We decided to live together,” confesses Usha. But their elopement in January 2005 to a remote town in Gujarat proved to be short-lived. Shilpi’s parents lodged a complaint against Usha for “kidnapping” their daughter. They were produced before a magistrate in Allahabad who ordered both to return to their parents.The police official dealing with the case, Sarvesh Kumar Mishra, said that the pair demanded the same cell and “shared a deep love”. Shilpi said they were no different from a married couple and that they would not be able to live without each other.
‘Perverted mind’
Today Usha can come and go but Shilpi is restrained at home.“She is not allowed to interact with any outsider,” says Usha.“Every time I call her, I am told she is not in. I can’t concentrate on anything and have been spending sleepless night without her. I am sure she, too, is suffering.” The pair say they are determined to keep in touch
But Shilpi’s mother, Madhu Gupta, takes a different view."It was Usha who misguided my daughter. I had never imagined that the two would elope. It is God’s grace that we got back our daughter.“There can be no doubt of that Usha has a perverted mind.”
None of the family members at Usha’s house have brought up the subject of her love affair since she returned home.Despite this Usha is not comfortable. “Every time I step out people in the neighbourhood make catcalls. ‘Where is your husband, Shilpi?’ they ask me.” As Usha and Shilpi struggled with their relationship, a second incident occurred in Kanpur, 150km (100 miles) east of Allahabad, where a lesbian couple tried to commit suicide. They said they were in despair because their parents had made them marry men.Several organisations have now demanded that the law be amended to allow same-sex marriages.
Legal experts say the government should consider the recent advice of the Supreme Court to re-examine the issue of same-sex marriages.They argue that it is the democratic right of people to choose their partners and the state should not interfere. When Usha heard of the suicide attempt she said the two girls were cowards.“Shilpi and I are much stronger. Even if she is obligated to marry another I am convinced of carrying on our relationship outside her marriage until society is compelled to accept us.”
We should do something about it. 
