What I’ve come across in life–there are those who give, and there are those who take–by give and take I strictly mean non-material, i’.e, giving advice, help, companionship, favors etc…
Now do the two ever end up switching (i.e, a “taker” becomes a “giver”) from person to person or from phase of life (i..e, being a “taker” while young and eventually growing up to be a “giver”, or being a “giveR” with one person while being a taker with someone else) or does this aspect of one’s character and personality stay consistent from person to person or phase to phase?
There is nothing wrong in giving or taking, but mostly people wish to be *more *"givers" in terms of help and favors, because they want to gain the satisfaction of heart and good deeds in their account of the hereafter. But without the grace and mercy of the creator one can't be a good giver, as one can only offer to others what one is blessed with by the Almighty, in terms of strength, experience, wisdom, patience, sacrifice, sincerity, dedication....etc. HE blesses more fruit to the tree that is bent with humbleness, but the trees that stand tall and straight in pride are usually without fruits.
Last weekend I was in the check-out line at Best Buy. There was this teenaged girl in front of me....attractive....had her hair styled and makeup done...around 14-16 years old. She was going to buy a cellphone case. Suddenly....another girl.....comes up to her, who appeared to be her friend. Now this girl was on the heavier side....really short curly hair.....she looked like the stereotypical high school definition of "uncool"....but she seemed like a sweetheart. She asked the "cooler" girl....."Do you want me to buy that for you?"......and that girl shrugged her shoulders and said "Okay".....and then a couple seconds later she said "I mean I have the money to buy it." And maybe I'm wrong.........but as an outsider.......looking at that situation play before me..........I thought "That is soooo messed up. Why would you tell the girl to buy you something when you already have the money for it? Just because she's offering it doesn't mean you should take advantage of her. It looked like one party was being used." You just had to be there.....there was something about the "uncool" friend that made it look as though she was trying hard to maintain a friendship....and the other girl just seemed to have a "meh" attitude. Did not get a good vibe from that relationship.
They don't switch when people don't mature. Meaning some stay takers all their lives...never grow out of it. Some stay givers their whole lives...never grow out of it.
hmmm....okay, so what happens when the "giver" gets sick of giving??? is it wrong for someone, who is inherently good, always going above and beyond, to get tired of putting others before themselves and to just one day decided to stop being so giving? i don't mean material things, per say, but more like giving of their time, energy, expertise etc... kya khaiyal hai is barray main? is taking a step back for their own sanity a bad thing?
^ One can only get fed up of giving when the intention is to get something in return (appreciation, popularity...etc.) from those whom he usually gives to. When the agreement of profit is with someone DIVINE, then even bitter responses of the rest of the people seems sweet to the heart.
^ **One can only get fed up of giving when the intention is to get something in return (appreciation, popularity...etc.) **from those whom he usually gives to. When the agreement of profit is with someone DIVINE, then even bitter responses of the rest of the people seems sweet to the heart.
Very profound! Nice answer, makes sense when you put it that way!
Besides that generally the taker is thankful to the giver but the giver is not, which is wrong. The giver should be more thankful to the taker for accepting what the giver had to offer, and hence the taker became a source for the giver to please Allah (swt).
I think that it's a little too simple to place people into two categories of 'giver' and 'taker', yes there are people who fall into these but there are so many underlying reasons for this as well. It also depends on, like you said, whether the things are "non-material" like advice, companionship etc etc or whether its physical stuff like clothes, money, etc etc.
Also, do you think it's possible that gratification comes into this for both giver and taker?
hmmm....okay, so what happens when the "giver" gets sick of giving??? is it wrong for someone, who is inherently good, always going above and beyond, to get tired of putting others before themselves and to just one day decided to stop being so giving? i don't mean material things, per say, but more like giving of their time, energy, expertise etc... kya khaiyal hai is barray main? is taking a step back for their own sanity a bad thing?
But I don't think that's always the case, not every "giver" is one at the expense of themselves....most of the ones I know aren't...
And no I dont' think stepping back for their own good is bad at all....a very simple, very real example on this board--if you give advice and you realize that the person is never really going to follow it, you just stop investing so much time and effort into advising them and just ignore it....so no there's nothing wrong in doing anything to preserve your own sanity.
I think that it's a little too simple to place people into two categories of 'giver' and 'taker', yes there are people who fall into these but there are so many underlying reasons for this as well. It also depends on, like you said, whether the things are "non-material" like advice, companionship etc etc or whether its physical stuff like clothes, money, etc etc.
Also, do you think it's possible that gratification comes into this for both giver and taker?
Gratification for the giver, yes.
Now that you brought up the material/physical stuff....is that in any way worse or better than non-material or is it just a matter of perspective? Like, say you're not much of a listener and wouldn't be the first one ppl come to for help..lol...but you're pretty generous when it comes to giving gifts or material things...does that make you more shallow or you show your generosity in a different way, so to speak.
i seem to be giving alot more than taking!! my life in unbalanced and as a result so is my bank balance!! for example.. the other day me and two of my work freinds went out for lunch! we ended up just going costa coffee and getting hot drinks. my freind was driving and there was nowhere to park so i offered to go in and get the drinks. i was thinking theyd give me the money but no they didnt offer. so i paid for em assuming they would offer to pay later. but no. no offer. im skint already so felt the pinch. next day one of em said oh how much do i owe u... obvsly i was trying to be polite by sayin its ok u dnt have to...and the other one pipes up and goes oh it doesnt matter we're 'sisters'. she didnt even offer the money!! i was miffed! especially cconsidering we were standing in the dinner queue HINT HINT!! this seems to be a reoccuring problem with me! i just end up in those situations!! and like i said end up out of pocket or out of my way or behind schedule!