zafra. u missed the point by a mile. thats not what is being discussed.
to limit staying in touch with old friends cuz u are married (time constraints, priorities..add children and u even lose friends) is one thing....
but to be TOLD to ditch friends cuz your partner is uncomfy, jealous, shaqqi.. is another thing. the latter is what is being discussed .
i was never asked to quit seeing my friends from before marriage.... im still in touch with all my friends (female and male) who have also moved on since, gotten married, had kids etc... we have become a family. .. we stay in touch ...no we dont talk as much as we used to when we were single...but stay in touch we do.
im thankful all the spouses that came into our circle were an understanding lot with broad minds.
to lose a dear friend cuz their partner just cant get their heads out the gutter is a heart pincher. but most couples do what they do and make it work.
on the other hand... there are some twisted ppl out there that all married couples should stay away from....women that get pleasure flirting with other men and men that just have that god awful "kacha chabba jaaonga" stare.
I get the point. My counter is that why as the situation come to a point where the spouse has to feel jealous, insecure. Yes there are crazy people out there. But by and large i think most people are normal. Look a relationship is based on people understanding each others concerns and attitudes. When you are getting married you are basically telling the rest of the world this person comes before all the rest of you. However even after marriage if you are basically ignoring your husband or wife for the sake of your friends then yes you be ****ing up big time.
At the end of the day a person first look at their own actions. In an arranged marriage everybody is insecure. How much have you done to ensure that you have not put others before your spouse.
We will take a friend of mine who is extremely insecure when it comes to his girlfriends. So much so he avoids telling us guys about the girl. He found a girl who understood that after many months and she decided her future with the guy is far more important than her friends. So she adapted. The beauty of all of this is that the guy is French and the girl is German. The communities that are known for independence and friends being very involved even when married.
Now if someone does not like someone else then you choose. Your spouse or your friend. There is no balance in such relationships. What modern women do is attempt to balance these relationships. Men don't.
How many threads have you seen on this fora where women are complaining about other women in their husband's lives. How many of those could have been sorted out by the man just with drawing from the relationship? Then its the man's fault for not withdrawing when asked.
However if the man asks the same thing its unfair.
Its a simple decision. Who comes first your spouse or your friends and if it takes you a moment to decide what is priority then you gotta reassess your priorities.
Plus I am assuming you are married, how many times have you told your husband not to do something just because you didn't like it? Considering you are a Pakistani woman its inbred to do so.
A very good make friend of mine stopped all forms of communication with me right after he got married, deleted me from fb, never responded to calls/messages. I got married before him and my spouse had no issues with me talking to him. I lost a good friend thanks to an insecure wife.
We were at a wedding once and the groom said while pointing to his wifes friend... im going to make sure she stops talking to her
it's very sad to see this kind of mind set.. :(
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He said that like in a speech?? About her girlfriends?
At my cousin's wedding.....the groom's sister, in her wedding speech, told him to place his hand on top of the bride's. He did. Then she asked the bride to place her hand on top of his. She continued this sequence of instructions until all hands had been used and the one on top was the bride's. That is when she said to her brother in her speech, "And this is the last time you'll have the upper hand."
For those who want to really analyze, they could come to the conclusion that the woman fears her SIL would make a dominating wife or that she views marriage as a power struggle. She could have arranged the the sequence of hand placement so that her brother ended up with the "upper hand" and that could have led people to make conclusions about his personality. People say all sorts of silly/corny things at weddings. Unless there really is a problem in the marriage, it's most likely said as a joke and not an omen.