Its not easy to live alone and be happy, especially if you're desi. Its so ingrained in us to have a companion, plus whoever mentioned the constant wording "oh do this when you're married or that with your husband".
I think it's easy if you have that personality. I have many desi friends who are single, divorced, widowed that choose and perfer to be and stay single. They truly enjoy solitude, making decisions by themselves, being accountable for their own actions and not having to ask anyone about anything.
it's harder for their parents and peer to accept it but they are fine with it.
^ person's life is not homogeneous. At different age and times, their needs and their wants changes.
Key is (or ideal situation is) to find the right balance b/w being alone (or able to do things that you want) and to have a partner that you can look too.
At different stages of you life you need a partner to who you can talk to, share things and do things with and at that very moment freedom to make decisions takes backseat.
I totally agree with you that
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different age and times, their needs and their wants changes
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read a very interesting article about a pakistani man who after 20 years of marriage and 2 kids just didn't want to be married. It had nothing to do with another woman or didn't liking his wife but just wanted to live alone and sleep alone and think alone.
He's very much involved in his kids life but it was the hardest thing for his wife to figure out what went wrong in the relationship.
This is BS. A family unit is part and parcel of the Islamic life and there is no denying the 100x more healthier lifestyle marriage provides.
Having said that, nothing wrong with being single for a while and getting independent before marriage.
But this Bs of finding yourself after you've been married - whatever man. People need to start respecting the family unit a little more and maybe we wouldn't produce such crazy kids.
I doubt there are many people out there who are very happy being single. The desire to be with a life partner transcends desi culture by the way. Truth be told, it's perfectly normal to be scared of being alone. Your parents and siblings are pretty much the only people who are going to be there for you every step of the way but then the circle of life is such that parents pass away and siblings get busy with their career/spouse/kids. Then who do you rely on for companionship?
I'm all for girls being educated and independent and all that jazz but finding a decent guy to get married to should also be a girl's priority and there is nothing wrong with that.
This is not about living physically alone. There are girls who live with their families in a packed house but still feel lonely and isolated.
You can want to get married all you want, but if it isn't happening, that doesn't mean that you fall into depression and stop living life.
What is wrong with people wanting to find some outlets that actually bring them happiness and increase their level of confidence? A confident and HAPPY person is what attracts the opposite gender (if that is your ultimate goal).
There is that possibility to be happy in spite of being single. I am in no way promoting single life v. married life. What I am trying to convey is that people need to accept their circumstances and make the most of it. Being single does not mean you need to act miserable and desperate. Find yourself and make yourself an emotionally healthy and stable person who is right in the head before entering partnership.
You owe that to yourself and your life partner.
Monk actually understands my point - which I find quite amazing! :D
I doubt there are many people out there who are very happy being single. The desire to be with a life partner transcends desi culture by the way. Truth be told, it's perfectly normal to be scared of being alone. Your parents and siblings are pretty much the only people who are going to be there for you every step of the way but then the circle of life is such that parents pass away and siblings get busy with their career/spouse/kids. Then who do you rely on for companionship?
I'm all for girls being educated and independent and all that jazz but finding a decent guy to get married to should also be a girl's priority and there is nothing wrong with that.
I liked being single, it was brilliant fun.. I say that in all seriousness..
Finding a guy to marry and settle down was never a priority for me.. I love my SO to bits but I don't feel I was missing out on life in any way before I was attached..
Everyone is different.. some (prob most) ppl need to be in a relationship to feel loved or secure and others don't..
I liked being single, it was brilliant fun.. I say that in all seriousness..
Finding a guy to marry and settle down was never a priority for me.. I love my SO to bits but I don't feel I was missing out on life in any way before I was attached..
Everyone is different.. some (prob most) ppl need to be in a relationship to feel loved or secure and others don't..
How old were you when you were enjoying your single life? I think when you're in your 20's single life is great and it's all fun and games but come 30-40, your friends are married, your siblings are married and your social circle does decline. Sure you can have a girls night out every now and then but you can't expect them to leave their husband and kids behind to hang out with you all the time. There does come a point in your life when you want to come home to someone and not go out every other day. And just because you want to be with a companion doesn't mean you need that to feel loved and secure. It's a healthy human need to have a companion and is not a sign of weakness.
Obviously you shouldn't sit at home twiddling your thumbs waiting for a guy to come to your door so you can start living. Even if you do have a guy in your life, one needs to be educated and independent because who knows what life has in store. But I think it's also important to encourage guys and girls to think about marriage while they are in their 20's and entertain prospects. There is such a huge population of eligible good looking extremely successful girls and guys in the US who delayed settling down and are now having a hard time finding the right partner in their 30's and 40's.
The only reason why they're having a hard time finding a partner in their 30's and 40's is because there is a stigma about women being marriageable only between the ages of 21-25. Even 29 is over the hill for a lot of families, and that's just silly.
I liked being single, it was brilliant fun.. I say that in all seriousness..
Finding a guy to marry and settle down was never a priority for me.. I love my SO to bits but I don't feel I was missing out on life in any way before I was attached..
Everyone is different.. some (prob most) ppl need to be in a relationship to feel loved or secure and others don't..
I STILL like being single. Even though me and my SO will probably be engaged by the end of the year and married next year, these past 5 years I've spent working, living selfishly, partying and travelling have been the best. I don't have parents that oppress me saying I can't do this, wear that or go there and I have a good set of friends to do these things with, I have two awesome siblings and I'm so close to most of my cousins that I'm never lonely.
You're meant to be lonely, be it for a lifetime or a moment. It could when you are in a crowd of people, and you are the center of the attention...you could still feel lonely for that moment. Yet, when you are sitting out by yourself, you might need no one. You might be happy being by yourself. And if you are meant to be lonely for a lifetime, you can have the ideal partner, and still feel lonely.
I highly doubt your loneliness has to do with that fact you are single. Your loneliness might not go away when you are with a partner, or a crowd.
The thing is, confidence. After a long busy day, when you might feel the need to have someone by your side, you need to learn to keep yourself together. And knowing that someone else might not be able to complete your loneliness sure helps...
And besides..be it women or men..no one likes to be alone rest of their lives. Yes rishtay and all that jazz happens with time..but it is also important to have positive mindset.
Dont think being alone and unhappy is gender specific. I agree that one could spend quality time by oneself or be unhappy in a company, just wishing to be run away.