I’ve been a bit worried about my middle guy. He is such a model citizen most of the time, knows right from wrong and tries very hard to always do the right things. YET…he so very much wants to be accepted and well-liked that he will do wrong when encouraged by the kid or kids that he wants acceptance from. Afterwards, we talk about it, he feels very very bad and asks me to keep reminding him because he forgets to “do the right things”.
Any suggestions on how to help him become more leader and less follower?
You can help in by giving him playing roles and things to do himself and show to other.
That thing could be his liking.
Like whatever game he likes or good at ask him to demonstrate to you and teach you how to play and do things and you become total illiterate. ask things many time and behave you are not understanding quickly what to do.
Ask him to do some easy practical and show to his friend and explain to them but first you show him and encourage him if you will show that to you friends they will become happy.
Buy games from dollar shp that is magical game demonstrate him and play with him make him expert and ask him to demonstrate to his friends that way they will become happy and like you.
More I'll post later right now I'm not in mood. Insha Allah.
My older girl was sort of like this a few years ago. I started have these long talks with her about myself as a child and how I took charge and built self confidence. Basically, what I was doing was role playing and giving her real life examples on how to handle peer pressure and having a mind of her own. It worked sooooo darn well that now I have to actually help her become a little less of the leader that she is . Her teacher tells me that she wants to be in charge even in class
She is very sensitive (as you may have noticed from my other posts), but she likes being in control and when she cannot, she gets extremely sensitive. So I am working on that now.
Your middle one sounds like an adorable sweetheart. With all that's going around in the world, you can never have too many model-citizens. In life, you need to have leaders and followers, otherwise there would be chaos. Even in group projects at school and in the workplace, you will immediately recognize the leaders and the followers. And it is necessary to have both in a group, otherwise little would be accomplished.
But I understand your concern. You want your son to be a leader when it comes in standing up for what is right and wrong. And it's good for an indiviudal to have leadership qualities as well as the ability to compromise (for the right reasons, of course).
First of all, if the boys he's hanging out with are known to be troublemakers, then I think it's best to discourage your son from hanging out with them and direct him toward more positive company. Cuz some stubborn kids are going to create mischief regardless of how many times they are warned by the more sensible ones among their peers.....and they can be manipulative enough to turn other kids against the one who is on the right track, thus creating peer pressure.
You say that your son does what is right. So praise him regarding his positive behaviors. Sometimes you need to praise with kids as a witness. In the classroom, teachers are encouraged to openly praise kids who are on task......as that can make the other kids wake up and get on the same page. If done gently, it's more tactful than comparing children. And the kid being praised develops leadership in doing what is right because he has been recognized by the authority as an example or role model. Praising his behavior openly will build his self-confidence among his peers as he knows that his positive behavior was recognized and valued by an adult within an audience of children (could even be siblings). And it can motivate the other kids to follow.
its a confidence thing mama
you want to be accepted and not become an outcast
I think the realization that being yourself and doing the right thing takes priority
thats tough, peer pressure is real, but the good thing is you are addressing it from an early age.
he will learn, I am sure, with all your focus on your boys, I think they will grow up just fine.
I really think I should get into more details here...about why I'm so worried and all. My boys are SO very good and SUCH model citizens, even the eldest who has learning delays...but middle one like I was saying, has issues about acceptance which make him "forget" about doing the right thing.
He went on a playdate yesterday to a friends house. Thats his best friend at school but there have been issues before - this boy pushes the limit and encourages improper behavior at times. Yet I have met his mom and like her. They use a live in nanny too. And there have been a number of very nice playdates - her house then my house etc. The boys is spirited to the extreme and he has a brother who is 6 years older and a sister who is 9 years older. So this kid is more mature and has had exposure to things that I dont really want mine to have. So yeah this is all back to me and needless to say, no more playdates at this kids house and yeah I was deficient in my vigilance.
What exactly happened? These boys really like 2 gals in their class - twins. The twins went to the playdate with the 2 boys. And the host boy convinced my son that they should show the girls their "pee pees". My son KNEW this was wrong. Yet he did it. He did it quickly and with embarrassment but well, he DID it. I am heartbroken over it...not that I said this to my son. I told him that he was SOOO very wrong and it was even more wrong because he KNEW it was wrong to do.
I cant talk about this too much to him otherwise he thinks its going to be on the evening news...but this is a very serious thing yeah? I mean, if I was the mom of the girl twins, I'd be on a rampage.
Anyway for now...middle son will never go to this boy's house again. I would allow the boy to come here after a while because it will be good practice for my son to teach HIM how to behave properly. I NEVER leave the kids alone for this type of thing to happen and I was just horrified that in a house that has not only a stay-home mom but ALSO a live-in nanny - that something like this was allowed to transpire. I am far too upsset about the whole thing to be able to decide what to do - whether to call the mom and confront, whether to call the mom of the twins and apologize...I will calm down a bit and then take it to the next step.
But THATS what I mean about "forgetting" the rules and wanting acceptance yeah?
Wow, I posted the details of the situation 2 days ago and thought I wsa going to get all kinds of beat-up over the whole thing and hopefully some good suggestions...but no responses!
Is it that this is just so very bad that everyone is speechless?
I'm taking the weekend to simmer over what next steps to take - talking to mother of host-boy, apologizing to mother of twins (but apparently the twins didnt tell their mom of the whole thing)..talking to the school psychologist for help in giving my middle guy the confidence boost he seems to need...
. Her teacher tells me that she wants to be in charge even in class 