Difference Between His & Her Thoughts
HER DIARY ---------
Friday night, I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn’t flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong - he said, “Nothing.” I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior, I don’t know why he didn’t say, “I love you, too.” When we got home I felt as if I ad lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV, he seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed.
About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY ---------
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Today India again lost the cricket match. DAMN IT.
** Practicing**
A wife is sitting in the living room watching TV, when all of a sudden she hears her husband in the bedroom, swearing up a storm. He is using every bad word in the book. The wife runs into the bedroom to see what is going on.
She finds her husband just sitting on the bed. She asks her husband, “honey, what happened? Did you fall down and get hurt or something?”
The husband looks up and replies, “no, I’m fine. I’m just practicing.”
The wife gets a real confused look on her face, and said, "practicing?
Practicing for what?"
Then the husband says, “India-Australia Cricket series starts tomorrow!”
Sachin Tendulkar and Sourav Ganguly, now pretty old guys, 75 and 80 years old, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about cricket,like they do every day.
Sachin turns to Sourav and says, “Do you think there’s cricket in heaven?”
Ganguly thinks about it for a minute and replies, “I dunno. But let’s make a deal: if I die first, I’ll come back and tell you if there’s cricket in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same.” They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Sachin passes on.
One day soon afterward, Ganguly is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, “Sourav… Sourav!”
Ganguly responds, “Sachin! Is that you?”
“Yes it is, Sourav,” whispers Sachin’s ghost.
Ganguly, still amazed, asks, “So, is there cricket in heaven?” “Well,” says Sachin, “I’ve got good news and bad news.” “Gimme the good news first,” says Ganguly.
Sachin says, “Well… there is cricket in heaven.” Ganguly says, “That’s great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?”
Sachin sighs and whispers,
.
.
.
“You and me, We are going to open the innings on Friday.”
A Indian guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing an “Indian Cricket Team” jersey and helmet, and is festooned with “Sachin’s” pom-poms.
The bartender says, “Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You’ll have to leave!”
The guy begs him, “Look, I’m desperate. We’re both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the cricket game against Pakistan after so long time!”
After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there’s any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The big game begins, Sachin Tendulkar start his splendid batting from the very begining of Shoaib Akhtar’s spell. Sachin made another century.
With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.
The bartender says, “Wow, that is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen! What does the dog do if Paki’s score a win against India?”
The owner indian guy replies, “I don’t know, I’ve only had him for three years.”
Exams are like cricket match.
Examination hall is the field.
Teacher is the umpire.
Question paper is the opposite team.
Answer sheet is the pitch.
Correct answers are the runs.
No. Of questions is the target.
Pen is the bat.
Wrong answer is out.
Time out is no ball.
Submiting answer sheet is result of match!
A company was going to hav a friendly “CRICKET” match with another company.
The bosses will b made the captains. one of the bosses goes home n has a conversation with his wife :-
Boss: I am very worried
Wife: Why what happened?
Boss: I have been made the captain for the cricket match
Wife: So what’s the problem??
Boss: I can’t play Cricket
Wife: Ohh!! Come on dear, this is India. Here it is understood that the captain doesnt know how to play!
After the shameful defeat of pakistani cricket team with india in 03 worldcup at south africa, the team members were not able to show their faces to people and they chose not to go in public and rather just pack up in hotel rooms.
Inzamam could not resist for too long to be in hometown and still not be able to go out shopping and have fun. So he disguises himself as a Sardar and goes out. he meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him “Hi Inzamam!”
Surprised for having been caught he comes back and makes himself up as a muslim woman - in Burkha etc and goes out. Yet same again - the same woman greets him “Hi Inzamam!”
Inzmam comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. All in vain - the same lady catches him again and greets him “Hi Inzamam!”. Bewildered by now, he could not help asking, “How did you recongize me?”
The lady replied - “I am Shoaib Akhtar!”
On the day of the India/Pakistan match, Mohammad Azharuddin was talking to one of his men. ‘Look, here’s a pound,’ he said. ‘Go out and buy a new ball or something. Anything that’ll help us win.’
The match began and Azharuddin noticed that the same old ball was being used.
He calls his best man over. ‘What did you do with the pound?’ he asked. ‘Well, you said anything to help us win.’
‘Yes.’
‘I gave it to the umpire.’
Seeing a disastrous performace by everyone in the team, the captain sends Mehmood and Dilip Kumar hoping for some recovery.
Mehmood is clean bowled the first ball. He goes to the umpire and says:
“Yeh kiya hungama ho raha hai? Hum kaaley hain to humko out diya par hum to dil waaley hain aur terey chahney waley hain. Yeh mera Hyderabadi bhai Azhar ney match fix kiya na. To umpire bhai, tum kaahey ko aisa waisa baat karta hai?”
Dilip Kumar survives a few appeals but gets out without scoring. He goes to the umpire with tears in his eyes and says :
“Paro, yeh tumney acha nahin kiya. Meri saari zindagi ki ummeedon par tumney paani phair diya. Dekho, tumaharey is ek faislay nay meri biwee ki jaan ley li.”
Then he starts screaming, “Arey koi hai kya ? Meri biwee ko bachao, issey haspataal lay jao. Arey gaari waley bhai sahab, arey sethji, koi to aao aur meri biwee ko bachao re.”
Seeing this commotion, Salman Khan comes in and before saying anything, takes his shirt off. The umpire says, “Yeh kiya badtameezi hai?” Salman replies, “Saala, mera sab picture flop ho raha hai, acha film banaya to police sab reel utha key ley gaya. Main sab ki bungi baja doonga.”
And the game continues…
The cricketer was proud of his progress as a batsman and invited his mother-in-law along to watch him play, hoping to impress her.
At the crease, he turned to the wicket-keeper and said ‘I’m anxious to do well and really hit this ball. That’s my wife’s mother over there.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ said the wicket-keeper. 'You’ll never hit her at two hundred yards.
The standard of batting in the local side was very low. Even at the net practice, they couldn’t hit a thing. Finally, the captain rushed forward and grabbed the bat.
‘Now bowl me some fast ones!’ he yelled.
Six fast balls came down in quick succession and the captain missed them all.
Not to be put off he glared at the team and shouted, ‘Now that’s what you’re all doing. Get in there and hit them!’
When Gavaskar finds out that there has been released, a movie, in Australia called “Gavaskar”, he is very happy. He plans to watch it and gets a ticket for Australia at once. With great difficulty he manages to get a ticket and very happily he goes to see the movie. But when he comes out of the cinema he is very angry!
He goes straight to the director of the movie and says, “What do you mean by this? You named your movie Gavaskar, but didn’t show anything about me in it!”.
The director of the movie laughs and says, “So now you understand the problem? You people too made a movie called Border, but did you show anything about Allan Border in it?”
A slip fieldsman had a particularly depressing day during which he dropped no less than ten catches all off the same bowler. After the game he was talking to the bowler when he broke off and looked at his watch.
“I must go,” he said, “I have a train to catch.” The bowler looked at him bitterly. “Let’s hope you have better luck with that, then.”
Now days because of all the match fixing issue going on in Indian cricket, cricket stars are deciding to make appearance in bollywood. Seeing their positions being threatened, some of the bollywood stars decided to do the same and invaded international cricket.
First such match against India XI and Bollywood (Just try picture this and read it in the respective tone):
Pehley aatey hain Amitji aur pehli hee ball mein out. Yeh dekhein Amitji laal peeley ho jaatey hain.
Amitabh: Aey umpire, rishtey mein to hum tumharey baap lagtey hain par naam hain Shehanshah, hum kabhi out nahi ho sakte.
Umpire: Aey Amitji, tu star hoyenga bollywood par abhi chalti pakad.
Amitabh (aur gussa): Umpire yeh ball phir sey aayegi aur hum phir se khailengey, haan…
Next in line is Sanjay Dutt, hiltey aa rahey hain (his usual style). First ball and doesn’t even realise that took his stumps out.
Umpire: O sanjay dutt, haata sawaan ki ghata.
Sanju: Abey o umpire, hum Sanjay Dutt hain kiya, aapan ko doosra chance chaiye…kiya bola
Umpire : Abe crickets se nikal, tu sirf dumbells utha.
Next to walk in is Dharamji..Dharamji dusre ball pe out.
Dharamji to Umpire: Sunsaan sarak kay sookhay hue peepal Ki Tuti Hui Tehnee kay Murjhaye Hue Pattay Pay Baithay Hue bhoot Kay Pair Say Nikaltay Hue Khoon Kay Beemar Bacteria, tune veeru to out diya. Tu ney yeh acha nahin kiya. Yahan ab bhujal aayega, suka aayega.
Umpire: Dharamji, chalo aab waapas pavilion mein ja betho…
Seeing that umpire is unmoved Dharamji takes emotional approach his usual style.
Dharamji: Umpire mere do chote chote bachey hain, sunny aur bobby, mein un dono ko TV ke paas bitha kay aaya tha…mujhe baas ek ball aur khailnay do.
Last one to Bat was Shahrukh First ball out.
Umpire: O, baazigar tere baazi maat ho gayi.
SRK: hehehehehehehe (his usual psycho laugh) uuu, uuu ,uuumm, umpire…jo haar ke jeet ta hain usse baazigar kehtay hain…