Our family is going to be facing some difficult times with my father-in-law having been diagnosed with Stage IV cancer of the intestine. His symptoms are now quite severe and his first and only round of chemo has been rejected by his body.
According to the doctors, there is not anything else that can be done by them except to make him comfortable. He has returned home now and we are all trying to adjust to the fact that he may only have weeks left with us. (He has not been told this just yet.)
Ibrahim and I are going to be amongst the primary care-givers and I am keen to be knowledgable enough to handle whatever situation comes my way in the best way possible for Dad. In order to do this, I need your help.
Rather than me sitting on the net and doing the research, something I have little time for right now, can you guys please post some relevant information about what we can expect to face as the time draws near? What are the signs to look for? What does the patient’s condition become, etc., etc.
Hi Muzna…deepest of sympathies about your father-in-law’s tragic ordeal.May Allah ease his pain and allow him delieverance from the suffering. I have known a person who was deceased due to malignant tumors in the small intestine, so i think i can give you some pointers.Altough i am not clear about if meant small or large intestine.As you mentioned there are 4 stages(T1-T4) where the T stands for tissue transformation. Unfortunately if you are diagnosed after T2…your mortality rate is already very high, since by then the tumor has already penetrated intenstial walls.The epidomology of the advanced stages depend on the type of tumor(lymphoma,carcoma). I my experience with my neighbor who had the tumor,he passed away from excessive hemorraging.It is a very painful end, and i think it is a classic case where in my opinion euthanasia should be an option, since no body in there right mind would want to go through that.I think the best you can do is just try to comfort him in the best way possible, maybe if he is at ease psychologically it might ease his physical suffering. I wish you strength and patience, take care and let me know if i can help in any other way.I will be praying for you all.
This link will give you a more indepth breakdown:Int.CA
I’d like to share a favourite quotation from the author of a book (“on death and dying”) I have often found useful:
I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness toward somone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our connection to God and to each other.
–Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
You might want to get a second opinion on the treatment possibilties though.
My grandfather had stomach cancer , and was declared inoperable by doctors at AKU because of the advancement of the disease and my grandfather's physical condition.
My father insisted on a second opinion, and a senior doctor at Liaquat National offered my father 25 percent odd of him surviving treatment, and an year..max after it.. my father went ahead with it.
He lived on for 8 years , and eventually died of an unrelated disease..
May Allah have mercy on your father-in-law and your family. Ameen.
My grandfather died of cancer in 2001 and it was an extremely tough time for the family. I wish I could have spent more time with him during his last days.. I remember him squeezing my hand during his sleep and saying out my name. Even though he wasn't awake, he was aware of my presence.
For about an year ago, I didn’t knew anything about cancer other than that you can die out of it and the treatments donot help all cases. But then we made the painful experience of having a cancer case of our close family member. The end might be emotionally painful for all involved cases, but I think the doctors try their best to make sure that the patient is not suffering physically. When the time is close, the person might go into coma and would look as he/she is sleeping, I think that at such times the prayers of family members is mostly needed and of course the special care of the patient, so that he/she knows that they are not alone at their last stage.
BBC Health has some good genreral information on cancer.
I have been reading the Tumour Diary of a BBC writer, who has been writing his tumour experience in an online diary and I must say, it gives a good insight on how some patients feel about their illness and how you sometimes can fight cancer even if the doctors say that you have only few weeks left.
Tumour Diary
Muzna, I am sorry to hear of your father in law’s tragic illness, our prayers are with you during this hard time, take care.
Dear Muzna,
May Allah have mercy on your father-in-law…..God Bless him…AMEEN… Miracles could happen so you should keep praying caz that will help. Past Year, My mamo was suffering from lung cancer in his 3rd stage He was really close to us..We called him everyday from U.S. that he will survive.He was in PK and his age was on 31.Unfortunately, he died before the time limit. When a person knows they will die; they’ll probably like to have people around them. Cancer suffering is horrible that you can’t imagine. It is extremely hard for family members to control themselves…. I have also known some1 who survive from cancer so everything is possible... I wish some kind of miracle occurs for ur father-in-law…AMEEN
I have some tips for you
Please Keep praying and finish up Quran(in mosque if u like and then give away food& tell all those people to pray 4 ur father-in-law or u can also invite people at ur home to read Quran)
Give him carrot juice and healthy nutrition for his blood
Don't make him feel you guys are sad caz that will disturb his brain
U should convince urself and the patient that he will live & trust me dear things will go ur way if u put ur attention to it and believe in it.
GOD BLESS HIM AND YOUR FAMILY
Dear Muzna stay strong and I will definately pray for him. Inshallah Everything will be ok
Thank you everyone that has replied. I appreciate the time you are taking, the advice and the prayers.
Since this ordeal has begun we have had so many people tell us not to lose hope and to get second and third opinions. Friends are suggesting that we totally ignore the advice we have been given by the doctors and rely on other methods of treatment, including homeopathy and ayurvedic medicine. We are hearing miraculous stories of how someone had "exactly the same thing" and when doctors opened her up found the situation so bad that they just closed her up again. Then she went on to try homeopathic treatment and has fully and completely recovered....so much so that when scanned by doctors in the States again, no trace of the cancer could be found.
As much as I want to believe these stories, something is holding me back. I firmly believe that if a person's time has come, nothing can prevent his/her death......on the flip side....if it is not time to go then any disease can disappear. It is all up to the Almighty.
But how do you know? How far do you chase a cure? What do you put your loved one through? I can't see my frail FIL being dragged around the world in hopes of a miracle cure.....
Muzna, my grandmother had cancer too and she went through a lot of pain…My uncle who was with her said that in her last stages of cancer he couldn’t even recognize her, he couldn’t believe it was the same person who used to be healthy and so active. She was really in an awful condition even though she was under doctor’s supervision. They tried everything they could but she still used to scream in pain whenever she was awake. It was a traumatizing experience for those who saw her; infact, my uncle went into depression after her death. I hope your dad doesn’t go through so much pain and may Allah(swt) give you guys courage to deal with this tragedy. I will suggest you guys just keep him home and give him the best treatment you can, just be with him and pray for him. That’s all you can do. As you said, don’t drag him around the world in hopes that he’ll be cured. Allah(swt) ko jo manzoor hai wohi hoga, we can’t do anything about it. Just keep faith in Him.
Thanks for the link.
Dad's diagnosis is Small Intestine Adenocarcinoma and because the primary tumour(s) cannot be found, it is unresectable and has metastasized.
Unfortunately the link to Cancer.gov does not give much on alternative forms of treatment that have been tried on patients with intestinal cancer. Most of the trials have been on lung cancer patients.
Do you have any more information on what specific kind of cancer your neighbour suffered from? I would appreciate any details you would have to offer so that we can work with the nurses to alleviate any pain Dad may have to face.
ravage,
I would appreciate some more information about your grandfather's cancer. Specifically what type it was and what stage he was in when Liaquat National helped him.
Working in patient care.... i've seen people diagnosed with cancer and its sad to say that especially in the final stages.. there's not much that can be done...
I dont know if him being at home is the best place to be honest... sometimes hospital's are better because they can keep them drugged up with morphine/drugs because the pain of cancer is unbearable... i can understand about being at home and in familiar surroundings and all that... but I think theyr better at the hospital. Just pray... be there... be strong...
Hi Muzna…hope ur doing well. Although it was quite a few years back, now that i think about my neighbor’s ordeal, i am certain he was suffering from the lymphomic variant of the intestional cancer. Back then he managed to get in some gene therapy trials, but unfortunately it was a a treatment method in its infancy, so it didnt work for him.I heard its gotten much better now, there is also a new electron therapy method being deployed out here in california, recent studies have indicated to me effective in so forms of cancer. I dont know much about it but you can find out more about it here Electron Therapy .
Thanks for your words.....please continue to keep us in your prayers and thoughts.
Although we haven't discussed things as openly, I believe Dad has an understanding that he is far along and may be sparing our feelings by not talking about it. This worries me because there are many things that people need to say to each other before they pass on and if both sides keep skirting the issue they may not get the opportunity.
Mem Saab,
I understand your concern regarding pain management....however, the same medication (i.e. morphine and other opiates) will be supplied to Dad while he is in homecare. We have District Nurses coming to see him once a week, his GP pays a visit once a week and the MacMillan Nurses (special Cancer care division) come sometimes twice a week to assess. They have all assured us that Dad's quality of life and pain management is top priority for them and we are seeing to it that this mandate is not ever set aside.
kaka,
Thanks for the new links. I will check them out tonight, inshallah. And thank you for the prayers......reading this thread gives me strength.
If anyone can find me some info on chemo rejection where the patient suffers a violently negative reaction to chemotherapy, I would appreciate reading it.
muzna i am sorry to hear about this, just last year my grandfather was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer, and immediately went through a very difficult operation, his chemo ended just last month. Mom did alot of research on this, i will sure ask her.
Aslam O Alaikum Munza.
Im sorry to hear about your father in law.
My dadi jaan also past away coz she had cancer.
May Allah have mercy on your Father in law and
your family
Sorry Muzna you and your family have to go through all this. I am sure none of us can even begin to imagine all that you have to think about, but hopefully the family can make it through it with the least amount of pain.
Our prayers are with you.
