No I live in the USA, and I guess it's a matter of personal choice.Besides
all the people I know ,know that we r married and not merely living together.Choosing to keep the maiden name is not as uncommon as u think it is :)
Pakistani tradition says that Wives should take their Husbands family name, however Islamically the women is advised to keep her own family name (as was done during Muhammad SAW time)
I'll be happy for my future wife to keep her name, i mean people get married and become like one, so it's not bad having some individuality ;)
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thats it!! I am getting my name changed back again or getting my maiden name as my middle name ... cost me whatever it does !!! ... I am not happy with it, I thought that I would be but I am not feeling comfortable ... I feel like I have lost my identity .. my whole life till yet has been wiped away with my name change.. I know ppl would say if you love your husband you should do it for him but here this has nothing to do with my love or affection for him but here it goes how I feel about myself ...and I am not feeling well at the moment .. and it wont come also.
I'll definately keep my last name. First reason i don't have any brother therefore i would like to carry on my father's and his family name which is very important to me in heart. And second, as everyone said, its just cultural thing which i don't find very justifiable for some reason.
Jal, you are married ? what is your husband's opinion about it all.
Well first I was confused ... now i am sad about giving it up .. i hope i can reverse it after 2 days .. pls pray for me that i can.
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*Originally posted by Jal_Pari: *
I'll definately keep my last name. First reason i don't have any brother therefore i would like to carry on my father's and his family name which is very important to me in heart. And second, as everyone said, its just cultural thing which i don't find very justifiable for some reason.
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what name will ur children get?
Ahhh good topic Mehnaz. We were just discussing this subject in my history class the other day. We were talking about how women have alot of rights in Islam but they are just not given to us in this male oriented society today. Mrs. Awan was telling us how she went through lot of trouble getting her name changed after she got married because her husband wanted to, she said she still runs into problems with the paper work sometimes when it comes to her name.
She was trying to get her point across that in Islam a women is allowed to stick with her own name, but today in our society they are forced to change it because thats the right way to go. And even this concept of last name was not in fashion back in the days, so women would just have one name like Hina Sana or whatever.
I am pretty sure I would keep my last name. It's the only thing of my own that I would have left. However, my kids would definitely take my husband's last name.....if and when I get married of course!
I think it's a good topic to discuss as well LM. It's definitely more of tradition and society that tells women they are to change their last name after marriage.
SaadiaB, how are you feeling now that you changed your name? Do you still regret it?
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*Originally posted by NeSCio: *
what name will ur children get?
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Well definately they will take my husband's name. But as far as the wife is concerned, she should always has the choice of making decision for her name and not being forced upon.
I understand that changing a name could be an emotional and/or psychological decision but to me it speaks volumes of a woman's character. I always felt that in Pakistani culture women have always taken pride in associating themselves with every-little-thing of their husband's..and it could be as significant or insignificant as adopting husband’s last name.. Even though its just a name but little things do reflect your personality.
A compromising woman is a respected woman in my eyes. Reading 'some' of the replies above it seems like its more of a 'female ego' issue and I personally am not a big fan of woman with big egos....let this shallow trait be for men.
BoSS those days are gone when female felt pride or significant in adopting their husbands last name or with every little thing ... i am sorry to say this ....but female from today are standing hand in hand and doing EVERYTHING that males are doing, tell me how fair it is to give up something that has been yours till birth and now you are being told from the society that if you don't you are 'characterless'. If you decide to keep your name doesn't say you are loving him any lesser.
Yes this changing process is an emotinal prozess, i have cried many tears and all my family know what i am going through, even my husband is aware of my condition, he also assured me that whatever i do, he will not push me into anything which i am not comfortable in doing, so i am giving myself some time to get used to it, if not we will get it changed or i might even add my maiden name in the middle, I think this is what I want.
I've learned Islam that as far as islam is concerned then there is nothing like this which prohibits or say any thing in changing the name, it is up to couple whether they do this or not. In some cases female are not even asked if they want to or not, their husbands go and get the name changed without even asking her opinion about it, this is sad, as some are not even given a chance to have an opinion.
Well said SaadiaB! :k:
Excellent point Saadia.
I'm not sure if we are a little off topic here...anyways, I have always believed that men and women have their own respective roles to play. A couple is more like a team of two where both participate to the best of their own physical and mental capacities. The form of equality that you are stating i.e. women doing EVERYTHING that men are capable of doing is not necessarily a measure to establish equality..and certainly as far as equality is concerned we have bigger issues to deal with rather than rejecting a last name.
Secondly, “days are never gone”..it’s the attitudes that change. Some women associate themselves with their husbands and still retain their individuality very well...its how you carry yourself beyond petty issues. Nowadays a compromising and sacrificing women is seen as weak and backward…which I think is pathetic (for the lack of better word)
Going back to the topic on hand…Adopting last names is certainly a matter of choice..no argument there… however not adopting the name due to egoistic reasons is something beyond my comprehension.
BoSS ji .. we are not getting off topic, i like discussing this topic with anyone who would bring some reasonable arguements to back his/her points.
Of course women and men have their own rule and tasks in life but isn't all this 'role' business messed up today, i know many females who are going out to work in a professional enviroment and i know men who help at home while their wifes are working and no one is complaining so far. 'The days are gone' in which a female was known only from her husband's image, status. We are forgetting that a female is not a piece of properity which is thrown between her father's and husband's home. Some female have worked hard to get where they are and they are know for their names. Tell such a female to give it up without a second thought just because the society is expecting this from her.
Thus for some guys it might be a petty issue, but lets say how would u feel if you had give up your name from today to tommorow. Wouldn't you feel like being betrayed.
Please explain what falls under the category 'egoistic reasons' ? But same goes to those men who are egoistic about their names tossed upon their wifes without even asking. All in all I agree with some of your points that in the end its only a name and millions of females are doing it, its an individual choice, people get used to the name change and it just makes a family complete.
I just wonder why only female are commited to such a punishment (couldn't find another word) maybe its a ***damit men world after all.