I was wondering if all you ladies have cousins that are similar to mine..I see my dad’s side of my cousins very often, like every other weekend, and i have a few female cousins from my dad’s side that see each other that every other weekend. We are in our 20’s young, some are married some are not, however Ive noticed there is so much jealousy/competition among each other.
I’m the type of person who likes to compliment anyones outfit/makeup if I like it, I don’t hold back. However my cousins would NEVER compliment my outfits…You know when you compliment someone they say, i like yours too! yeah..my cousins will just say thank you and not return the compliment. Even during eid time, when we see each other, they never compliment my outfits or ever compliment anything else whatever it could be: house decor, cooking, makeup. anything. I honestly just stopped complimenting more often than I used to…
However when I meet the girls from my mom’s side of the family who I only meet once or twice a year due to living far away, everyone is so nice and compliments one another and I don’t see the competition over there. Is it just because I don’t see them often and it would have been the same way if I had met them more often? or is it just that the dad’s side are nasty?
I’ve even noticed my cousins wive’s from my dad’s side who not meet us more often as well after being married, don’t compliment, praise each other as well after sometime…
It just sucks because I’m not the type of person who would hold back a compliment or ever even think there is a competition between who “wore the best outfit” to a iftar dinner, or who has the best decoration in their house. But I feel like they think it is…making me hold back to compliment as much as I would like to, cause I don’t like the compliment not returned every single time.
Basically no female compliments each other over anything…and I was wondering is it the same with every desi family? Women are so catty! ughh
lol what does any of that have to do with being catty? it could very well be that their family dynamics are different to your mum's side. and what's with complimenting someone, and in turn expecting one back? is that generally why people compliment someone else? i would understand if they were snarky or snide, but not sure what the issue is. why change the way you are because of the way someone else is.
lol what does any of that have to do with being catty? it could very well be that their family dynamics are different to your mum's side. and what's with complimenting someone, and in turn expecting one back? is that generally why people compliment someone else? i would understand if they were snarky or snide, but not sure what the issue is. why change the way you are because of the way someone else is.
Re: Ladies Only....Jealousy Among Female Cousins??
Women are so catty! ughh
No, this is a perfect example of women being overly sensitive, and analyzing a situation too much to create a problem....when there is none.
You haven't mentioned anything about these girls being rude to you or making snarky comments or whatever. Nothing in your post gives the impression that they're being catty. I rarely compliment people.....even my closest friends. I may think to myself that their outfit/makeup/decor whatever is nice but I don't always verbalize it. And when someone compliments me, 99% of the time I say "thank you" and that's it. If it's an outfit that I truly LOVE or think is special, or a decor or whatever that I could consider buying and want to find out where they got it....then I may bring it up. Its just my personality......has nothing to do with me being catty, jealous, or any other feelings towards that person or what they have. These girls could be same way.
If you want to compliment someone b/c you genuinely want them to know how you feel, then that's fine. But you complimenting someone and then expecting them to compliment you in return.......and then getting upset/hurt b/c they're not complimenting you is silly and childish.
Op, you say that your maternal cousins are more generous with compliments, but what guarantee do you even have that their compliments are 100% genuine, that they're not just expressed out of formality? No matter how much you trust them, the truth is that you don't have a 100% guarantee, so don't worry so much about compliments.
If you know that you're genuine with your own compliments and if you know that you are giving them because you sincerely like your cousins' clothes and that you're not doing it to get compliments in return from them....right? And if it bothers you that much, then don't compliment your paternal cousins so often...you're not obligated to; it's not a farz....just as they are not obligated to praise you. So you have two options.....you can decide that your compliments are genuine and are not given on the condition of reciprocation....OR....you can stop doling out compliments.
Now, to answer the question posed in your title....Yes, petty jealousies and insecurities are rife amongst some of my cousins. Some (not all) of my cousins have been been either outright condescending and insulting about shallow matters such as looks....or you come to find out about the rude things they've said/done behind your back...or it's nosy questions...or it's an attitude of self-entitlement. So, if your only concern with your cousins is that you are not being complimented in return, consider yourself blessed.
I have never understood the logic of complimenting others so they in return do the same?! Why do you need others to tell you that you're looking good? I would only care if they are immediate family.
As for your question, maybe jealousy, maybe peoples' nature where they don't like to say much. Meh.
You shouldnt expect compliments just because you compliment someone. I have a cousin on my dads side who loves being complimented but never returns any but we all know thats just her doesnt bother me or the others.
And maybe because you see your mothers side less often they catch up and probably want to say more then those you see always
Lol all jokes aside. This isn't a real problem. Its basically all in your head. Sure, the social norm would be to say thanks and compliment someone else after they've complimented you, but theres no rule saying you have to return the compliment. You're creating a problem out of nothing.
Re: Ladies Only....Jealousy Among Female Cousins??
If you compliment them on something they automatically think you are jealous of them even though you are complimenting them on something.
One particular group of my cousin are very jealous type. my male cousin despite having g8 life and money didnt get education or did any useful thing. now when he sees some other member achieving he totally goes against that parson. his sisters are same.
Hmm, am I the only one that can kinda see where OP is coming from?
Wives will get upset if they don't receive compliments from their husbands. Parents may feel that way if they don't receive verbal appreciation from their kids and vice versa. Even between best friends, I've heard that one will feel upset if their best friend literally never makes any positive acknowledgment of any effort they make. And I can understand that it can be a bit annoying if this takes place between close ...REALLY close cousins. I know adults (auntis and uncles) will remark that a friend said nothing at all encouraging or positive about a major event like a wedding that requires so much preparation etc etc etc. So, it is part of human nature to feel weird about it. I know this happens to even the best and maturest of us.
A friend or relo that is stingy or perhaps not comfortable with giving compliments is MUCH BETTER than one finds keeray in everything. But I think many of us have found ourselves in OP's situation...though we may not recall it...or may find ourselves in this situation at a later point. So, due to human nature....I understand OP's feelings. BUT...I still stick to the advice in my previous post. If not receiving compliments is the only "problem" she has with her cousins....she's lucky...and it's not that big of a deal because she has plenty of other sources of validation/appreciation in her life. This is one of those annoying issues that you should just shrug off and move on from....it's not worth losing sleep over.
thank you for kind of understanding what i mean. Even while I was writing this, I had a feeling people wouldn’t understand what I’m trying to say and think i’m childish. Yes we are very very close and that is what makes me angry. It is not about receiving compliments, its the fact that it seems like they are making us feel “like they acknowledged us” by complimenting, so they don’t do it. And i forgot to mention that it is not that it is not their nature to not compliment, I see them complimenting other “friends” or other people, just everyone except each other. It just seems like a competition to me as to “who is the best.” And yet, when there is a flaw or a fault in something “materialistic” of course they ill be the first to point it out and acknowledge it.
Of course I understand that not everyone likes to compliment, nor do I feel Im not being childish, I guess its hard to understand what I’m seeing without actually seeing it, you know? Its in the sneer looks and the “copycatting” of clothes/jewelry decoration without actually acknowledging that they liked what they saw. Its the seeing one cousin wear a certain “new fashion” outfit and right in front of her saying they would like to “buy that certain fashion outfit they’ve seen in a certain drama.” its like “hello, are you blind, do you not see cousin #1](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) wearing it right now?”
And I can understand that it can be a bit annoying if this takes place between close ...REALLY close cousins. I know adults (auntis and uncles) will remark that a friend said nothing at all encouraging or positive about a major event like a wedding that requires so much preparation etc etc etc. So, it is part of human nature to feel weird about it. I know this happens to even the best and maturest of us.
Yea I get it may be annoying....but there is a big difference between being annoyed and labeling someone "catty" and "nasty" b/c of this.
Yes **we are very very close **and that is what makes me angry. It is not about receiving compliments, its the fact that it seems like they are making us feel "like they acknowledged us" by complimenting, so they don't do it. And i forgot to mention that it is not that it is not their nature to not compliment, I see them complimenting other "friends" or other people, just everyone except each other. It just seems like a competition to me as to "who is the best." And yet, when there is a flaw or a fault in something "materialistic" of course they ill be the first to point it out and acknowledge it.
If you're so close to these girls....then you should know their personality by now. This has nothing to with women in general or what other families do. Its with these specific girls who you're so close to. You should know whether these girls are doing it b/c its their personality or b/c they're catty/nasty. And if you already know that they're catty, yet you continue to compliment them and then you're disappointed/hurt that they don't compliment you back....then who is to blame for that?
For the record, don't give them this much control over your emotions. If you know that they are like that, then what can you really do besides ignore it?
Yes, a lot of women do this, I've seen it a lot - and some women in my own family do this or pretend not to acknowledge something, but why want to have people like that compliment you anyways right? I always try to throw in a compliment to someone who I know rarely gets it from such people, it always makes me feel good to see someone smiling... do it for that and nothing else. And to be honest, what's the point in complimenting such people anyways? It only adds to their already overly inflated ego and sense of entitlement. I would just ignore them and focus on the people who are actually happy to be in your company and good people to be around.
Yea I get it may be annoying....but there is a big difference between being annoyed and labeling someone "catty" and "nasty" b/c of this.
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Paheli, I agree with u in that not everyone who doesn't compliment can be called catty. Some people are just not as expressive or comfortable with giving praise. But from my experience, I also know that some people can use compliments as weapons to wound others and it's almost like an art with them.
I'll briefly share some examples. I've a cousin who has been outright vicious toward me and others. She used to make very rude remarks about my looks and then "graduated" to using comparative compliments to put me down in front of others. I don't mind if someone praises my siblings and not me...but it's not cool to pit siblings against one another....to issue compliments where you say that RV's sister is more (insert superlative of positive adjective) than her. At another time, the cousin's bhabi wanted to know where I got my lipstick from and the same cousin pulled her back and prevented her from asking me and possibly complimenting me. The above incidents happened on the same day.
With yet another cousin, I had heard from a relative that she has a tendency to put down others by making it a point to compliment everyone in the room excepting the intended target. I never thought much about this until one day I found myself on the receiving end of this strategy and that's when I recalled what I had heard about her. Her sister had pointed to her a gold ring I had bought and she said nothing and looked away. Afterward she openly complimented my siblings on the clothes they wore the day before making it a point to exclude me. I didn't react. Her next shot was to point at a pimple on my my face and to stupidly ask in front of others what it was....a small outbreak in an otherwise clear face.
So, in the above examples the two cousins used compliments as a weapon. The expressing and omitting of praise and even withholding others from giving praise were all used as weapons. So, while everyone doesn't have catty intentions.....compliments can be misused.
Usually if the person (friend or relative) criticizes more often than praises....you can kinda get an idea of whether they are being catty. Their other actions provide clues. If OP doesn't get the best vibes from her cousins, then she should continue being nice but keep a polite distance...and lower her expectations of them.
When I wear a nice outfit…I am probably going to get a compliment from my parents, sisters, husband, etc.
I don’t think I ever expect anything from anyone else…because I wear things for myself and I know when I look nice. I cannot remember ever being upset because someone was not noticing something pretty I was wearing. And if your cousin makes an effort to go out of their way to make a snide comment…its not because you look bad. Its because you look nice. It’s how lots of people deal with jealousy. Once you know they’re jealous, you ignore them. Why would you not? Consider it a compliment and move on.
I know one lady who has accused me of perming my hair and wearing fake nails and trying to pass both off as natural. :hehe: I don’t get upset…I laugh every time and say…wow…thank you…had no idea they looked that good!
I realize that the issue is not the compliment but the actual stinginess with it and the blatant avoidance. But again, if you know this about them…deal with them accordingly.
You have two options:
A) Stop expecting appreciation from people you know will not give it to you. You don’t need it and leave their antics to them.
