Zamn----- I would prefer to go for first option as I don't know the techniques to hunt a guy and don't have the strength to kill him.
Yah! I do exist for him as a friend, but just like any other of his friend----you tell me how can I tell him about my existence otherwise. Yah you may be right in saying that he may be suffering from the same fears as myself. But what if I tell him about my feeling and he said I don't feel that way towards you….I am just so scared of that situation. Don't worry I'll never let my self down in front of him---I am person from a respectful family and know how to control myself.
Yazoo…I have mentioned earlier that I am a person who believes in self respect…….and am not going to beg him for any thing. Love is a very scared and rare thing in this world. People should consider themselves lucky if the happen to find some one who truly loves them for what they are. If that person is not aware of it then what is the use…as I don't like to spend the rest of my life with a person who is indifferent to my existence. I am also not an ordinary girl. I have also achieved some place in my life.
Rahi baat unn say milnay ki.to janab unn say milnay ka moqah bohaat kum milta hay, as most of the time he is very busy and we are not living in the same city. Perhaps he doesn't need anyone in his life. You asked me about droping hints and am not really good at this…another problem with me is that if I happen to like a person very much I become extremely careful with that person and don't want to let him no what's going on inside me. But you know love is strange, no matter how hard you try to hide your feelings they do come out in some ways. You are a man yourself you better know that guys, especially Pakistani ones, give more attention to a girl who is least bit concerned about them.
Dil hee to hay nah-sungokhashat
Dard say say bhar na aa'y kiyoan
Roain gay hum hazzar bar
Koi humain sataa'y kiyoan
Dahar nahin, harum nahin, dar nahin, aastan nahin
Bethay hain rahguzar per hum, ghair humain utthain kiyoan
Haan who nahin khuda parast, jaa'y woh bewafa sahi
Jiss ko ho deen-o-dil aziz, uss ki gali main jain kiyoan
Sharmelee-Bano
[This message has been edited by Sharmelee (edited February 23, 1999).]
[This message has been edited by Sharmelee (edited February 23, 1999).]
Sharmelee:
I see kool innocence, great dignity and pure ideas in your views.
I can not tell you how to tell the guy that you have a heart for him, but I can tell you one thing that if you stay the same way, keep your dignity, you might loose that guy in your life but you WILL and I am sure you will get the great goals achieved in your life.
Sharmelee : Thats the whole point of letting him know how you feel. If he does'nt feel the same way then ditch him or you could wait for him till he realizes after years, what a good thing he has. My advice, if after telling him how you feel he says that he can never or does not feel the same way about you, then DITCH the guy because you will loose some serious self respect by hovering around him.
Msaqibj------you are right that if I keep my dignity I might lose him. There may be some more wonderful men out there in this world but if I loose my dignity I'll lose it forever and can't get it back again. Msaqibj I don't know which other great goal I have to achieve in life as I already have achieved quite a lot compare to an average Pakistani women. God has blessed me in so many ways……mujhay zindagee say koie gillah nahin hay….in some respects you can consider me a pride for my family. I really don't want to boast about myself but I have been a very good daughter, sister and friend as I know how to love and cherish other people. It's just that I want to live the rest of my life with a person about whom I am very proud of calling as my husband and he (my friend) is one such man or should I say the first man I came across in my life (but may be I am still oblivious to some of his aspects)
Zman ….Hovering is the last thing I can do around him. Yah! in the beginning I was always the first one to ask him how is he doing and stuff as a friend because in my opinion there is no ego in friendship, there is no First and Second in friendship…….but I can't continue with this trend anymore…….I have decided that why should I always contact him…why can't he do so….if he is busy I am busy too.
Loser…….I haven't lost hope yet. And there is no loser and winner in love. The only thing, which matters, is who came out of the situation with triumph. My feelings are sincere and my NIYAT is clean. AGA ALLAH HI JANAY. I have blind faith in God. I asked him that if that guy is in my fate then He has to create a way for me and if he is not then help me to take him out of my mind and my heart. Some times we wished for certain things in life but we are no aware of the fact that whether they are good or bad for us.
Munzilain apni jagah hain rastay apni jagah
Barh kah koie haath nah day to musafir kaya karay
Pyar karna jurm hay to jurm hum say ho gaya
Kabalay mafi howa kartay nahin eaasay gunah
Bay rehum hay yah jahan aur Sangdil hay mera sanum
Donoan hee jub saath na dain to yah dil bhala phir kaya karay
You Guys must be wondering then why I am here and talking about this issue with you…..because sometimes it seems very hard to move forward in life and may be with your help I shall be able to do so as I am tired of thinking of a solution myself.
I dont know what to say Sharmelee. All It sounds like you are beginning to give up on him. You can ask yourself one thing. Do you think it is possible (realistically) for you to get together? You will have to think practically here. If you think not then the only thing i can say is let it wear off. I know this sounds easy to say now but I speak from experience. If you think it is possible then I suppose the next course of action is up to you since you know all the variables. I know you are living in a world where such things dont happen, but I dont know what type of people you, your family, or his family are like. Its difficult to say what to do. I can say one important thing. There are always other options. I have learnt this. You can keep your respect and get what you want, but you are the only person who can find the solution. At the end of the day you should get what YOU want, no matter how long it takes. Its better to get it late than never. If you dont try you will regret not trying. I hope this has helped you. It might seem irritating of me but you must recognise that you are stuck in a void or dilemna and are confused a little. You need need guidance, that is why you came here.
Sharmeelee jee aap ko mera aadaab !
mere khyaal se aap us larke se sachche dil se pyar karti hain aur mere khyaal se woh bhi aapse pyar karta hai, lekin phir bhi main aap ko kuch aise tarike batata hoon jis se aap ko andaaza ho jaayega ke aap se woh pyaar karta hai ke nahin , as i am a male therefore i know about male nature, sab se pehle yeh ke agar woh aap ka family friend hai to zahir hai mahine main ek do dafa mulaqaat to hoti hogi. Jab bhi aapki usse next mulaaqat ho zara sa ek kaam kijeye ga kisi bahane se us ke saamne jaayeega aur face to face ho kar sirf 1 minute ke liye us ki aankhon mein dekhiye ga agar us ki aankhon mein pyar hai to yes aur agar kuch aur hai ( u know what i mean!) to phir no! mujhe pata hai ke aisa karna bahut mushkil hai lekin aap himmat wali larki lagti hai aap karlengi! aur jaisa ke mash hoor hai ke larkiyan mard ki aankhon mein dekh kar bata deti hain ke woh pyar hai ya phir kuch aur, doosri kaam aap yeh karsakti hain ke note karen ke woh aap ko doosri larkiyon se badtar treat karta hai ya phir doosri larkiyon se achcha treat karta hai , waise agar dono soorton mein se koi bhi hai to is ka matlab yeh hai ke woh aap se pyar karta hai( there is a possibility) aur agar woh aap ko bhi doosri larkiyon ki hi tarah treat karta hai to phir 'chances are rare !' is ka jawab dein to main aap ko batata hooon ke izhaar e muhabbat kaise karte hain!
khuda hafiz
Beloo Jee….thank you so much for your reply.
First thing is that we don't meet each other very often. Most of the time he is on his business trips.
Second…I won't be able to see in his eyes…his eyes are really nice and very deep…HUM TO UN MAIN KHO JIAN GAY…..AUR SUB KUCH KHANA BHOOL JIAN GAY:
APPNI ANKHOAN KAY SUMANDAR MAIN DOOB JANAY DAY
TERI MUJRIM HOAN MUJHAY DOOB KAY MAR JANAY DAY
KITNAY GHUM TERI CHAAHAT MAIN MILAY HAIN MUJAH KO
SOCHATI HOOAN KAY KAHOON, MAGAR JANAY DAY
Thirdly, yes! He treats me better then therest of his female friends. Some of his friends are not being introduce to his family but he did introduce me to his and I introduce him to my family.
Actually the real matter is that once he said to me that he doesn't want to get married but I know one day he has too and may be he gets a life partner who doesn't understand him. I just don't want him to have another bad experience. The other thing is that I don't know much about his private life but I know one thing for sure that he has suffered from a bad experience. Though he laughs and jokes a lot but I know deep down he is very much bruised but he doesn't let anyone know that. I just want to see him happy and I know he is not happy from inside right now.
TERAY LIAY PALKOAN KI JHALAR BUNOOAN
KALIYOAN SA GUJRAY MAIN BANDHAY PHIROAN
DHOOP LAGAY JAHAN TUJHAY CHAYA BANOOAN
AA JA SAJANA……….
PYAR MERA TERI JEET HAY
SUB SAY ACCHA MERA MEET HAY
TERAY LIAY GAAON PIYA TERAY LIAY HANSOOAN
AA JAA SAJANA………
Ek baat to pakki hai ke woh aap se pyar karta hai aur main is baat ki guarantee de sakta hoon, jis larke ko koi bad experience hota hai woh pyar mein bahut slow ho jata hai aur us ko izhaar karne main bahut mushkil ho jaati hai, aur jaisa ke aapne kaha ke aap us ki aankhon mein kho jaayengi to yehi to main aap se keh raha hoon ke aap kho jaayi ye aur use bhi guum ho jaane dein take aap dono ko pyar ka rang dikh jaaye aur dono samajh jaaye ke dilon mein kya hai!, aur ek compliment main ne aap ko yeh dena hai ke agar us ko aap mil jaati hain to mein samjhta hoon ke woh bahut khush kismat hai kyon ke aap mein jitna pyaar hai woh ek mard ke liye ziyadah se bhi ziyadah hai aur doosri baat yeh ke aap ki gaanon ki choice to lajawab hai,
Mere khyal se aap kisi tarah us se us ki pareshani ugalwane ki koshish karen , woh aap ko zaroor bataye ga.
phir milenge
khuda hafiz
"""Hmcq….….ARRAY KAYA HO GAYA HAY APP KO…I haven't got married yet and you started talking about kids…….no I don't see him as a father of my kids…I am not one of those girls who judge a person by his wealth or the amount of security they can have by being his wife……I am a person who believes in my capabilities. He is a man who has both negative and positive points….I like him for his certain characteristics which I really appreciate in a man….I like him as whole without ant addition and subtraction. There is so much hidden inside him, which I like. """
sorry sharmelee I did not mean taht at all (wealth and security are never my criteria for marrige at all) ..what I meant was, was it just a crush or more, and i think from your posts after taht it is pretty clear that its love .. .. my appologies if you thot otherwise from my earlier post.....
if you can accept his bad experince and are happy with him, then just talk to him even if it is very hard for you and then tell him you would like him to think about it for a day or two before he says anythinag so that he has time to think about what youa he said before he decides... if thas not possible then just tell your parents ( i thitnk you mention that it is possible for you to do that in one of your previos posts)..and ask them to pursue it... if he is serious he will let you know....and if not then it happens in life.. i think tonnes of people go thru been rejected, but its not the end of life and there will be someelse....if you never ask him then you will regret it later on thinking back and wondering what might have been ...... by the way i do think teh guy really likes you form you representation of him .... so take the step and find out what life holds for you :):):)
you sounds like a great person and i am sure life will be equally great to you
Beloo…thanks so much for your concern….pehlay mujhay app yah batain kah app ko kiss tarhan pata kah who humsay payar kartay hain………lekin janab jo baat app karrnay ko kah rahay hain who nahmumkin hay…….first thing is that he never talks about private stuff even if I try to initiate some topic and try no to comment on it and laugh away most of the thing.phir app he batain main kaya karoan.
Hmcq…..Thanks so much for your reply…but I want to ask you that in your opinion what is the difference between a crush and true love….yes he has good personality and looks of an above average guy but I have come across so many other handsome guys in my life before him I could have fallen in love with them if it was just physical beauty. Moreover, you are right in saying that I should move forward with this thing in my mind that I did my best….but you may not have any idea how difficult it is…….he is of the opinion that he doesn't want to get married but I know for sure that he will one day..he is young today so that's why he doesn't realize this thing now but sooner or later we all need some one who truly cares for us….and he is not trying to understand that. His parents want him to get married but he doesn't want to. Moreover, I can't ask my parents to pursue his, as I want to become his wife with honour not by losing by grace, and falling on his feet. MOHABAAT ITNI HAQEER CHEEZ TO NAHIN JO KISI KAH KADMOAN MAIN PHEANK DEE JAY…I think I am just running after a shadow…and before I lost my way while running after him I better stop…..I just want to ask you that what should I say to convince my heart that we are not made for each other.
Mera dil bhee kitna pagal hay
Yah payar to tum say karta hay
Per samna jub tum aatay ho
Kuch bhee kahnay say darta hay
O meray sajan, O meray sajan
Kitnay mujah ko tarpata hay
Mujhay saree raat jagata hay
Iss baat ki tum ko khabar nahin yah sirf tumhee pah merta hay
O meray sajan, O meray sajan
Kitna iss ko bahlata hooan
Kitna iss ko sumjhata hooan
Nadan hay kuch nah sumjhata hay, din raat yah aahain bharta hay
O meray sajan, O meray sajan
salaams shirmelee
the differnce between a crush and love is that a crush is for a short time ,a nd whne you find out about the rest of him you are not that “in love” so to speak.. an dit does not ahve to be just physical/…( though that is the usual one cause thast the first thing people notice)…
as for your quwestion about not know… I know exactly how ddifficult it is
.. but then that is life.. although he will marry in the future if his and your timings are not together then it might be better for you to move on… or if your willing to sacrifice then wait for him… but i will tell you that waiting is only a way for future headache,.. but then if you think it worth it you shoudl do it… as for falling on his feet.. i dont think a girls parenst asking for a guys hand in marriage is falling on his feet.. unless your afraid of what it might make the socitey think if your rejected… I belive marriage is a honour and if the person is really worth it then he will not make you feel that way… as for what to tell your heart .. all i can say only time will heal it… Although you really wnanna hold onto to him, just think what you would liek a guy to do if he was in love with you but you were not? would youw nat him to say what he has to and leave or hang around and not say anything… all i can say is good luck… up till recently i thot i had achived alot, but now i ahve found out that teh real test starts with other things
Are aap koshish to karen! haath pe haath rakhe baithe rahengi to kuch nahi hoga aap ko apna pyar paane ke liye mehnat karni parti hai us ko pata hi nahin chale ga to faaida kya? Try to be more bold and express ur feelings in front of the mirror and see in ur own eyes and think about him and then see in ur eyes that how much love do u have in ur self , if u think u have much love to fill his heart then go and speak directly to him or if it is not possible then do it through someone else , u know this is also a nice way to tell a person that u love him or her that is by telling this to his or her friend and then this secret reaches his or her ear and wait for the response if its good then ok if he doesnot feel good or he says that he doesnt think of u that way then tell him that u didnt say anything to anyone ( but i dont like this way very much but i have seen people using it and succeeding!) if i were u i would have tested him first that he loves me or not and i would have done that by creating such type of situations where aperson would definately express his feelings
i think u must know what im talking about!
I THINK YOU SHOULD TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW HE MIGHT FEEL THE SAME ABOUT YOU BUT IS SCARED TO TELL YOU JUST IN CASE YOU DONT LIKE HIM.DONT BUILD YOUR HOPES TOO MUCH BUT KEEP HARASSING HIM TILL HE GIVES IN NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE SAY IF YOU THINK HES YOUR MAN THEN YOU'LL GET HIM.RING ME ON 0958949082 (UK) IF YOU REQUIRE FURTHER ASSISTANTS I'M IN THE SAME BOAT.
I am really thankful to all of you for your suggestions and advice.
I have made up mind…..I am just running after a shadow and I know he can never be mine.
So I have decided not to tell him as he is not that foolish to understand what is going on. I should move forward. I know it is going to be hard but I have to as there is no point in giving ourselves false hope. I just wish that some thing like this never happen to any of you…..and may you all have your love as your life partner.
Jatay jatay kuch aarz karti chalon:
Khizan kay phool pah aati kabhi bahar nahin
Meray naseeb main aay dost tera pyar nahin
Ghareeb kesay mohabat karain ameroan say
Bichar gay hain kai ranjhay apni heroan say
Kisi ko apnay muqdaar pah iktiyar nahin
Main roaz lub pah ek nai aah karta hoan
Main roaz ek nay ghum ki rah takta hoan
Kisi kushi ka meray dil ko intazar nahin
Yah na thi humaree kismaat kah wisalay yaar hota
Agar aur jitay rahtay yahi intazar hota
well i am very sad to hear that you wont be telling him... I guess you knwo what is most appropriate ...a nd hopefully you will find someone perfact later on....
i hope you will still be able to put your thots here on other matters though,... it is always nice to hear your poetry :)
khuda hafiz
