Pehlay shair maiN aap ne ‘hum’ do baar use kiya hai. But that I think can be a typo.
in the last verse, u have lost ur kafia radeef. so I will suggest something like…
ab bhi tu hai haseeN, hai ye hum ko yaqeeN
par na dhoNday tumhaiN, dil ko samjha laiNge hum
as a whole a very nice try. Execution of subject is great and also the theme, but I will say I found it a lil wanting in rhythm.
Once again :k: a very nice try.
teri yaadon ko kab tak aur sambha-layngay hum
(jab tak hum aap ki aankhon kay ssamny na aa jain)
waqt ka saath lagta hai tujhe bhula-layngay hum
(chahat karny walay kabhi kabhi kisi ko bhulatay nahi hain)
qadam qadam per thokar tirchi rahain hain
(yeh muhabat ki rahain hain aese hee chalna ho ga)
aur kahan tak apnay ko sambha-layngay hum
(jab tak aap aur main huqadam na ho jain)
tujhe to nijaat mil jayegi meri chaahat say
(muhabat karny waloon ko chahat say najaat nahi milti)
jaise bhi hoga apnay dil ko sambha-layngay hum
( agar hum diloon ko nahi sanbalain gay too khak ho jain gay)
chiraag dhoondhlay jo hongay wafa ki rahon kay
(muhabat kay chiraag chanhny waloon ko milty hain)
dil kay lahoo say phir unko jalaa-layngay hum
(unn chiraagon main jo pehly say mera lahoo para hae uss jalny do zara)
tum zakhm dete raho aur zulm dete raho
(hum to teri chahat main khud hee zakhm khay bethy hain)
tere sitam hum hans hans kay galay laga layngay hum
( yeh to zamany ka sitam hain jo humaray naam lag gaiy hain)
nahi shikwa kabhi koi teri bewafaye ka hoga
(hum nay bewafai nahi ki yeh ilzam zamany ka hae)
ashq palko talay daba kay bhi muskura layngay hum
(humarai to muskurahat hee aap kay sath chali gai hae)
ab bhi tu haseen hai,is baat say inkaar nahi magar
(main haseen nahi tumharai nazroon ka takaza hae)
ab is dil ko tera intezaar nahi magar.......
(muhabat ka intezar kabhi khatam nahi hota)
