Knowing what you want

Lifestyle Relationships
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Got this letter from a very very old (not age-wise but as in old times) aquaintance of mine. It’s his personal experience. He sent it to a few of us still in his email address book. I am posting it here with his consent. I thought it would be an interesting topic for discussion or may be a good read.

Love & Marriage: Encouragment from a Brother

When I started looking for a wife, my only intention was to find a muslim woman who could help me become a better Muslim. After praying to Allah many times, I came to know that a Muslim brother in my area had an unwed sister. I was told that she was 7 years older than I was, had no college education, and had minor health problems. Despite this, I arranged for a meeting to discuss the possibility of marriage. When I met her, I was impressed by her modesty (she wore a real hijab that covered everything but her face). She was not attractive, nor was she rich. However, at the conclusion of our meeting, I felt comfortable with the fact that she was what I was looking for. After praying Istikhara, I felt confident that she was right for me. Our nikaah was performed only a few weeks later.

Oh yeah, this was a Muslim wedding - the kind where the men separated from the women, we didn’t have disco music or belly dancers or any other kind of kuffar stuff. There might have been one brother who was NOT wearing Sunnah. We spent most of the time praying, praising Allah, discussing what a great blessing the responsibility of marriage was, etc. I think the total cost of the wedding might have been around US$20.00 (we held it in my brother-in-law’s apartment). I had the time of my life!!!

Despite the fact that she is very stubborn and argumentative, she is one of the best Muslim women a man could ask for. And I am NOT talking about the way she wakes me up in the middle of the night for tahajjud, the way she covers her face in public, the way she investigates every action that I do, the way she will stop talking to me if I don’t read the Qur’an or go to the masjid every day. I am talking about her fear of Allah and love for the prophet Muhammed (SAWS).

Not bad for a woman some people called ugly, who has no college education or money.

I wouldn’t trade this woman for anything in the world.

Many times when the discussion of marriage arises, I will hear one brother after another talking about how beautiful and educated they want their dream wives to be. Others will talk of love or family/racial pride.

Fools… (with all due respect)

In case some of you are confused as to why I am mentioning all of this let me tell you what I know (straight up)…

A PIOUS WIFE IS YOUR STRONGEST DEFENSE AGAINST SHAYTAAN

Now, Marry a woman for whatever reason you want…

My dua’ is with you all.

Salamu Alaikum.

Your brother,

Iftikhar

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Re: Knowing what you want

its so true. guys get affected by the opposite sex easily. whether we like it or not. :)

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Re: Knowing what you want

So....basically the best women to marry are the religious ones because you men can't control yourselves from sinning otherwise?

If you're weak in self-control, then maybe I can see where this guy is coming from.

I always thought that the strong woman was not the one necessarily that only fears Allah and loves the Prophet...but rather the one that can use her mind and force you to use yours, the one that can motivate you and encourage you when times are rough, that can bring a smile to your face when nothing else can, that is a joy to be with...one who can be intellectually stimulating and strong enough to plough through her own problems without nagging you all the time about them. The kind of woman who knows where she stands and is confident about herself.

Because isn't that kind of a woman a good muslim?

I don't buy this description of this woman who apparently wakes him up in the middle of the night for tahajjud, covers her face in public, investigates every action, stops talking to him if he doesn't read the Qur'an or go to the masjid every day as a great muslim.

Basically, my theory is just reaffirmed. He wants a mom, like almost every other guy, to look out for him. In this case to administer punishments and admonish him when he "strays" from his path.

There is so much more to religion than Namaz and reading the Quran. Its about applying what Islam stands for to your whole life. Try finding a woman who can do that for herself. If she can, then she's worth diamonds.

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Re: Knowing what you want

PGC she is worth diamonds to him and him only, i think thats what iv took from his story anyway...as in he knew what he wanted and he got it, i dont really think his or funguys (for posting it) aim is to say that " the best women to marry are the religious ones because you men can't control yourselves from sinning otherwise?" Its a woman that means something to him and him only, and thats what his wife does. He understood what he wanted in life, partner wise and he got it.

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Re: Knowing what you want

umm sorry but this letter makes his wife sound like a less then beautiful person.. and it seems like he knows it.

There is no reason a wife and be both pious and hawwwtttt...
Its kinda like having to seperate culture and religion.. people just dont get it..
You dont have to ugly to be pious.. u can be both.

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Re: Knowing what you want

  • "she was 7 years older than I was, had no college education, and had minor health problems."

"She was not attractive, nor was she rich."

"she is very stubborn and argumentative,"

"a woman some people called ugly, who has no college education or moneya woman some people called ugly, who has no college education or money
“the way she investigates every action that I do, the way she will stop talking to me if I don’t read the Qur’an or go to the masjid every day”

  *
  
  
  ERRRRRRRRR  :-| ye sahab apni begum kee tareef ker rhay haen ya buraiyan :confused: he makes her sound like a bossy kisam kee aunty and I think Iftikhar bhai is scared of his wife and is in her deHshat :D

and this statement of his is like the height of self contradiction :halo:

funguy what kind of friends do you have :rolleyes:

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Re: Knowing what you want

i think he is trying to say that dont judge the book by its cover. she might not be attractive to other people but she is beautiful for him for whatever reason. cute and good for him :-)

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Re: Knowing what you want

Well, it is a good read. I think what he means is that you can be happy with less. Some people look for a long list of things in their spouses, where as only one thing was important for him and that was RELIGION.

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Re: Knowing what you want

You guys may be right, but he has a point in that Islam encourages you to look for piety in a potential spouse above all else. A husband and wife should encourage each other and motivate each other, but if he didn't speak to me if I didn't wake up for tahajjud, I would be a bit p-d off, not pleased! lol But I have spoken to some guys who say they want a wife who will make them read namaz and stuff.

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Re: Knowing what you want

"There is so much more to religion than Namaz and reading the Quran. Its about applying what Islam stands for to your whole life. Try finding a woman who can do that for herself. If she can, then she's worth diamonds."

Completely agree. Islam is not only a religion but a way of life.

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Re: Knowing what you want

I think this is awful. The wife has NO trust in the husband. She is like a bichy police officer. Not educated, not attractive, hides herself. I wont make too much comment abt the wedding with no dancing (I disagree with that, when people are HAPPY, they LIKE to dance and whats wrong with that?) So she covers her face in public, what if they move to the west one day? They cannot, they'd never do well here.

I am not a muslim. I like what I have read about Islaam but have not completed my reading of the Koraan. But my boys will be good muslims and it is a goal of mine and my husband's to instill good values in them, to teach them their religious and cultural heritage and to give them a love of learning.

As far as marriage, I view it as a partnership of 2 people having similar goals - of raising 3 beautiful boys in the best manner possible.

When a marriage takes place simply to police the husband and keep him in line well thats just sad and maybe the husband should seek some serious counseling. I am glad that this guy is happy with his ugly, unattractive, uneducated, bitchy - but RELIGIOUS - wife but I have to say I pity him

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Re: Knowing what you want

Did I say ‘friend of mine’ anywhere?. I know him as much as I know you.

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Re: Knowing what you want

I received this e-mail in a forward once. You sure this acquaintance of yours is telling a true story?

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Re: Knowing what you want

its quite a good read actually. its coming from a lot of religious conviction and u can see it. its like quite a few people like to have ‘naik, pious’ wives, and of course there can be nothing wrong with it. but genrerally ppl are often quite blind in seeing the person behind the pious religous ppl. this guy can at least see the person, and accept her with that, and then admire her religousness in context.
souds like a good match to me, more than anything else.

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Re: Knowing what you want

hey man..they deserve one another, more power to them.

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Re: Knowing what you want

I agree with the above two posts. The man had convictions and he went for what he felt is right and he is happy. Not all of us will be happy with a spouse like that. All of us may have different criteria when we go through the process of selecting a spouse to spend the rest of our lives with. This guy had a single-track mind and did not deviate from it. More power to him. He is lucky in a way, that he found what he was looking for. All you folks may have your own priority list and may all of you be as lucky as to find what you are looking for.

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Re: Knowing what you want

Yeh apni Kaafira Bibi kiyoun itna 'sarr' rahi hain?