Kind treatment towards parents & ...

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**KIND TREATMENT TOWARDS PARENTS AND ESTABLISHMENT OF THE TIES OF BLOOD RELATIONSHIP **

From Riyadhus-Saaliheen
Compiled By Al-Imaam Abu Zakariyyah Yahya Bin Sharaf
An-Nawawi Ad-Dimashqi Ashaafi’ee (rahimahullah)

Commentary By Hafiz Salahuddin Yusuf

Allah, the Exalted, says: “Worship Allah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masakin (the poor), the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess”. (4:36)

“And fear Allah through Whom you demand (your mutual rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship)”. (4:1) “And those who join that which Allah has commanded to be joined (i.e., they are good to their relatives and do not sever the bond of kinship)”. (13:21)

“And we have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents”. (29:8)

“And your Rubb has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: `My Rubb! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young”. (17:23,24)

“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years- give thanks to Me and to your parents”. (31:14)

  1. Abdullah bin Masud (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: I asked the Prophet (PBUH) , "Which of the deeds is loved most by Allah?‘’ Messenger of Allah
    (PBUH) said, "Salat at its proper time.‘’ I asked, ‘‘What next?’’ He (PBUH) replied, Kindness to parents.'' I asked, What next?‘’ He replied, ``Jihad in the way of Allah.‘’ [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Commentary: Performance of Salat at the stated time means its performance in earliest prescribed or at least its regularity. One should not give preference to mundane affairs over it. Salat and Jihad are the two most meritorious duties of a Muslim. When nice treatment to parents is mentioned along with Salat and Jihad, it gives further importance to this injunction.

  1. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “No son can repay (the kindness shown by his father) unless he finds him a slave and buys him and emancipates him”. [Muslim].

Commentary: This Hadith also brings out the eminence of parents and outstanding importance of their rights.

  1. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A person came to Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and asked, "Who among people is most deserving of my
    fine treatment?‘’ He (PBUH) said, “Your mother”. He again asked, ``Who next?‘’ “Your mother”, the Prophet (PBUH) replied again. He asked, "Who next?‘’ He (the Prophet (PBUH)) said again, "Your mother.‘’ He again asked, "Then who?‘’ Thereupon he (PBUH) said,‘’ Then your father.‘’

In another narration: "O Messenger of Allah! Who is most deserving of my fine treatment?‘’ He (PBUH) said, “Your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then your nearest, then nearest”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Commentary: This Hadith tells us that the rights of the mother are three times more important than that of the father for the reasons that: She is weaker than the father.

The following three troubles are borne exclusively by the mother while the father does not share them with her:

  • She carries the baby in her womb for nine months,
  • The labor pain which she suffers.
  • Two years’ period of suckling which disturbs her sleep at night and affects her health. She has also to be very cautious in her food for the welfare of the baby.
  1. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, “May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced, whose parents, one or both, attain old age during his life time, and he does not enter Jannah (by rendering being dutiful to them)”. [Muslim].

Commentary: The word ``Ragham’’ means soil. When a person’s nose is soiled, it is a mark of his extreme humiliation. This metaphor carries a curse for an unfortunate person who does not win the pleasure of Allah by serving and obeying his parents. In fact, it is a malediction as well as a prediction of someone’s inauspicious end. Service of parents is essential at every stage of their life - whether they are young or old. But this Hadith mentions their old age for the reason that in that period of their life they stand in greater need of care and service. It is a very callous offense to leave them at the mercy of circumstances when they are old, senile and depend on others for their needs. To neglect them at that stage is a major sin for which one deserves Hell-fire.

  1. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A man said to Messenger of Allah (PBUH): "I have relatives with whom I try to keep the ties of relationship but they sever relations with me; and whom I treat kindly but they treat me badly, I am
    gentle with them but they are rough to me.‘’ He (PBUH) replied, “If you are as you say, it is as if you are feeding them hot ashes, and you will be with a supporter against them from Allah as long as you continue to do so”. [Muslim].

Commentary: This Hadith has three important lessons: First, the misbehaviour of one’s relative is no justification for the misbehaviour of another, let alone the severing of relations on that account. Second, the person who treats his relatives nicely in all events and circumstances is blessed by Allah Who will send from heaven helpers to support him. Third, the consequence of denying compassion and kindness to relatives is as woeful as the eating of hot ashes.

  1. Anas (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “He who desires ample provisions and his life be prolonged, should maintain good ties with his blood relations”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Commentary: One who is benevolent and compassionate towards one’s own relatives, stands to gain at least two definite advantages in this world besides the reward in the next. These two advantages are the increase in his subsistence and longevity of life.
Increase in subsistence means that Almighty Allah will increase the quantity of his worldly goods or his means of subsistence will be blessed by Him. Similar is the case of longevity of life. The life of such person is either actually increased (in terms of years) or his life is graced with the Blessings of Allah. Both interpretations are correct.

  1. Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-`as (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: A man came to the Prophet (PBUH) of Allah and said, "I swear allegiance to you for emigration and Jihad, seeking reward from Allah.‘’ He (PBUH) said, "Are either of your parents alive?‘’ He said, "Yes, both of them are alive.‘’ He (PBUH) then asked, "Do you want to seek reward from Allah?‘’ He replied in the affirmative. Thereupon Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “Go back to your parents and keep good company with them”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

In another narration it is reported that a person came to Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and sought his permission to participate in Jihad. The Prophet (PBUH) asked, "Are your parents alive?‘’ He replied in the affirmative. The Prophet (PBUH) said, "(You should) consider their service as Jihad.‘’

Commentary: Under normal circumstances, Jihad is Fard Kifayah (collective duty – which means that if some people observe it, the rest of the Muslims will be exempted from its obligation). In such circumstances permission of parents to participate in Jihad is necessary because their service is Fard-ul-ain (individual duty -- an injunction or ordinance, the obligation of which extends to every Muslim in person), and the former cannot be preferred to the latter. This Hadith explains such a situation. In certain circumstances, however, Jihad becomes Fard-ul-ain and in that case permission of the parents to take part in Jihad is not essential because then every Muslim is duty-bound to take part in it.

  1. Abdullah bin Amr Al-`as (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, “The person who perfectly maintains the ties of kinship is not the one who does it because he gets recompensed by his relatives (for being kind and good to them), but the one who truly maintains the bonds of kinship is the one who persists in doing so even though the latter has severed the ties of kinship with him”. [Al-Bukhari].

Commentary: This Hadith makes clear the essentials of kindness to relatives. Those kinsmen who respect and honour you, would obviously be treated by you fairly. It goes without saying that people usually reciprocate sentiments showed to them. But this is not maintaining the ties of kinship but kindness for kindness. On the opposite side, there is a kinsman who is rough and rude and is always bent upon severing relation with you, but you tolerate his excesses with patience and perseverance, return his harshness with politeness, maintain relationship with him in spite of all his efforts to break it, then what you are exercising is maintaining the ties of kinship. This is what Islam actually demands from a Muslim. But this is the excellence of Faith which one must try to attain. There is nothing remarkable in exchanging dry smiles.

  1. Asma’ bint Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (May Allah be pleased with her) said: My mother came to me while she was still a polytheist, so I asked Messenger of Allah (PBUH), "My mother, who is ill-disposed to Islam, has come to visit me. Shall I maintain relations with her?‘’ He (PBUH) replied, “Yes, maintain relations with your mother”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Commentary: The woman mentioned in this Hadith had come from Makkah to Al-Madinah. What this Hadith signifies is that it is essential to be kind to parents even if they are Mushrikun (polytheists) and Kuffar (disbelievers). This has also been clearly ordained in the Noble Qur’an: ``… but behave with them in the world kindly". (31:15).

  1. Ibn Umar (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: I had a wife whom I loved but Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) disliked her. He asked me to divorce her and when I refused, `Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) went to Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and mentioned the matter to him. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) asked me to divorce her. [At-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud].

Commentary: If parents’ order to divorce one’s wife is based on the principles of Shariah and morality, it must be obeyed, as is evident from this Hadith. If their order is founded on other factors, then one should try to convince them politely so that they agree with one's view on the issue. Here Ibn Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) loved his wife for love’s sake, but his father Umar bin Khattab (May Allah be pleased with him) disliked her basing his decision on religious grounds. This is why the Prophet (PBUH) ordered Ibn Umar to obey his father.

  1. Abud-Darda’ (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A man came to me and said, “I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce”. I replied him that I had heard Messenger of Allah (PBUH) saying, "A parent is the best of the gates of Jannah; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it.‘’ [At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah].

Commentary: The word "Walid,‘’ applies to mother as well as father. As the word "Walidain’’ is a dual form and covers mother and father both; similarly the noun
"father’', also applies to both. This Hadith also stresses that obedience of parents and submission to their order must have preference over the love for the wife as long as this order of theirs is fair and just.

  1. Al-Bara’ bin `Azib (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: I heard the Prophet (PBUH) saying: “A mother’s sister is equivalent to (real) mother (in status)”. [At-Tirmidhi]

Commentary: This Hadith tells us that one should be as respectful to one’s aunt (mother’s real sister) as one is to mother, as it is a virtue as well as “a form of
maintaining the ties of kinship”.

“I put my trust in Allah, my Lord and your Lord! There is not a moving creature, but He has a grasp of its forelock. Verily, my Lord is on the straight path. (The truth)”
(11:55-56)

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**PROHIBITION OF DISOBEYING PARENTS AND
SEVERANCE OF RELATIONS **

Allah, the Exalted, says: "Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.‘’ (47:22,23)

"And those who break the Covenant of Allah, after its ratification, and sever that which Allah has commanded to be joined (i.e., they sever the bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives), and work mischief in the land, on them is the curse (i.e., they will be far away from Allah’s Mercy), and for them is the unhappy (evil) home (i.e., Hell).‘’ (13:25)

"And your Rubb has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: `My Rubb! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.‘’’ (17:23,24)

  1. Abu Bakrah Nufai` bin Al-Harith (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the major sins?‘’ The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) asked this question thrice. We said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allah. (Please inform us.)”. He said, “Ascribing partners to Allah, and to be undutiful to your parents”. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) sat up from his reclining position and said, “And I warn you against giving forged statement and a false testimony; I warn you against giving forged statement and a false testimony”. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) kept on repeating that warning till we wished he would stop. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Commentary: This Hadith mentions some of the major sins. A major sin is one against which there is a serious warning in the Noble Qur’an and Hadith. When disobedience to parents is mentioned along with Shirk (polytheism), it makes the fact evident that both of these are very serious sins. Similar is the case of telling a lie and false testimony, which in the incident mentioned in this Hadith made Messenger of Allah (PBUH) to leave his pillow and sit attentively. It indicates that the latter two are serious. May Allah protect all Muslims from all such sins. 3

  1. Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-as (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, “(Of the) major sins are: to ascribe partners to Allah, disobey parents, murder someone, and to take a false oath (intentionally)”. [Al-Bukhari].

Commentary: There are many more major sins which have been enlisted and discussed at length by Muhaddathun in independent volumes, such as Az-Zawajir `an iqtraf-al-Kaba’ir, Kitab-al-Kaba’ir by Adh-Dhahabi. This Hadith mentions some of the major sins enumerated by the Prophet (PBUH) on a particular occasion. We can also say that the sins mentioned here are some of the most serious among the major sins.

  1. Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-`as (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "It is one of the gravest sins to abuse one’s parents.‘’ It was asked (by the people): "O Messenger of Allah, can a man abuse his own parents?‘’ The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “He abuses the father of somebody who, in return, abuses the former’s father; he then abuses the mother of somebody who, in return, abuses his mother”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Another narration is: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “One of the major sins is to curse one’s parents”. It was submitted: "O Messenger of Allah! How can a man curse his own parents?‘’ He (PBUH) said, "When someone curses the parents of another man who in return abuses the former’s father; and when someone abuses the mother of another man who in return abuses his mother.‘’

Commentary: We learn from this Hadith that one should not abuse anyone’s parents, because in the event, he is paid in the same coin, he will be responsible for disgracing his own parents.

  1. Abu 'Isa Al-Mughirah bin Shu`bah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, “Allah has forbidden you: disobedience to your mothers, to withhold (what you should give), or demand (what you do not deserve), and to bury your daughters alive. And Allah dislikes idle talk, to ask too many questions (for things which will be of no benefit to one), and to waste your wealth”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
    www.alharamain.org

“I put my trust in Allah, my Lord and your Lord! There is not a moving creature, but He has a grasp of its forelock. Verily, my Lord is on the straight path. (The truth)”
(11:55-56)

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Simply Amazing. Parents they truely are the biggest miracle to happen to us, to go through all the pain to bring us up. Yet, we still find ourselves disobeying them at times.

Wow, I never knew a mother's sister is given the status of a mother. No wonder I love my khala/aunt so much.

On another note, I can't help it think sometimes parents are wrong religiously and follow the societal double standard trends. If we go against them, they are displeased and I've seen some people condemned by their parents because of that. So I wonder should we leave our beliefs and ask our parents forgiveness just to make them happy

Jitna Diya Sarkar Nay Mujko, Itni Meri Auqat Nahi, Yeh Saab Tumhara Karam Hai Aqa, Mujh Mein Aisi Koi Baat Nahin.

Love happens once . . .

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[quote]
Originally posted by CocoNut:
**Simply Amazing. Parents they truely are the biggest miracle to happen to us, to go through all the pain to bring us up. Yet, we still find ourselves disobeying them at times.

Wow, I never knew a mother's sister is given the status of a mother. No wonder I love my khala/aunt so much.

On another note, I can't help it think sometimes parents are wrong religiously and follow the societal double standard trends. If we go against them, they are displeased and I've seen some people condemned by their parents because of that. So I wonder should we leave our beliefs and ask our parents forgiveness just to make them happy

**
[/quote]

You are obligated to listen to them unless they ask you to go against what Allah has already said or ask you to commit shirk.

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[9.23] O you who believe! do not take your fathers and your brothers for guardians if they love unbelief more than belief; and whoever of you takes them for a guardian, these it is that are the unjust.

[9.24] Say: If your fathers and your sons and your brethren and your mates and your kinsfolk and property which you have acquired, and the slackness of trade which you fear and dwellings which you like, are dearer to you than Allah and His Apostle and striving in His way, then wait till Allah brings about His command: and Allah does not guide the transgressing people.

We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to Me and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did. 29:8

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[quote]
Originally posted by CocoNut:
**
On another note, I can't help it think sometimes parents are wrong religiously and follow the societal double standard trends. If we go against them, they are displeased and I've seen some people condemned by their parents because of that. So I wonder should we leave our beliefs and ask our parents forgiveness just to make them happy

**
[/quote]

Assalamualaikum

I hope that the verses from The Holy Quran will help you in making a better decision. The situation you have mentioned is a trial for you and you should not go against Allah SWT.