when one has caused death to innocent people, plants and animals, land and coontaminated water and air of people and life forms, who cannot exist where they used to, how does such a horrendously rotten person, ever comes even close to self forgiveness?
is the conscience of such a person, non existent?
can self forgiveness be ever possible for a killer?
No, it is not possible to forgive oneself for such crimes.Read the feelings of an American soldier fighting in Iraq:
Let me tell you that the America where you live, where I was born and brought up and which has always been known for being the torch bearer of freedom and justice is sadly, no more worthy of its name. It has been hijacked by a group of corrupt politicians who would do anything to further their evil designs. During this war, I have come to know how low we can stoop, how far we can fall from grace and how evil we can think. I can never forgive myself for being an instrument of evil, a violator of sanctity and a soldier of America. Under the garb of a US soldier I am a murderer and a mercenary who has killed innocent, helpless and harmless Iraqis. Since I have been a party to this unjustified war, I consider myself a war criminal guilty of genocide and mass murder. Although I plead guilty to racism and sacrilege too, but now, in retrospect, considering the crimes against humanity that I have committed, they appear like petty offences. I died the day I killed that three year old kid and his father. I died again with that old man who was crushed to death by falling debris after he shot at my vehicle with that small gun. I have died every time an Iraqi has lost his life. I die everyday an American soldier gets killed. I have died every day that a suicide bomber was made. I have died with him as he blew himself up. I have died every time that I have been to a death parade. I died each time an American family lost someone in Iraq. I have died with every mother who lost a son; every wife who lost a husband. I have died with every Cyndi who lost a Tom, every Laura who lost a Drake. I have died with every hungry motherless baby who cries for his mother, every poor orphaned child who yearns for his father. I died, as they cried, till their tears too, dried. I have embraced death each and every bloody day of my life in Iraq. Dear God, isn't it ironic that you gave me just one life to live and yet made me die so many times? I am tired of dying over and over again. I want to die once and for all. I am tired of dying, waiting for my last, final and ultimate death. Please help me, God, I am dying to die. If my death would make the world a better place, then, for others' sake, if not for my sake, please let me die so that others may live in peace.
There was a time when I used to elude death; now I have become such a despicable creature that even death eludes me. I used to be scared of death but now I have turned into such an ugly monster that even death is scared of me. I have become the taker of life, the giver of death.
Dear God, I took away from people what you gave them, life; now please give me what I gave them, death. Please let me die, finally and for the last time but not peacefully, rather, make it exemplary. Make me die in such horrible a manner that all death gets scared to death and dies with me. Don’t let me die quickly; make it as slow and painful as you can. Don’t let me die quietly; make me suffer in a way not heard of, so that, when I cry, my ear splitting screams reach every nook and corner of the earth. Make them so loud and terrifying that as they reverberate, the earth shakes and the sky trembles. Make me cry in such disgusting a manner that the Angel of mercy flies planets away. Do me a favor, when you give me death, don't bleed me, for the falling drops of my dirty blood would leave everlasting stains on the clean surface of the earth. Don't bury me, for my rotting carcass would continuously infect all life that lies hereunder. Don't burn me for my filthy ashes would permanently desecrate the sacred soil. Don’t drown me for my unholy remains would eternally contaminate all the water on the planet. Don't melt me for the disgusting stench would forever destroy the purity of the air. Don't evaporate me for the poisonous vapors would spread far and wide, polluting the atmosphere for times to come. Finish me in totality, with my past, present and future, please…. Leave behind no signs of me, no memories, no history. Dear God, my life has been spent ending lives; please let my death end all death for the Iraqis and the entire mankind as in the death of death, lies the life of life. My evil spirit is a prisoner in my body; when I die, please unshackle it; lest it too dies with me without paying for my sins. When my self dies, please liberate my soul from my being as the soul has to continue to suffer and pay for all that pain I caused to others, till, finally, the death of all deaths caused by man overwhelms us, leaving the world a better place; a place where death has no beginning and life has no ending. After death dies permanently and life continues to live forever, how good would it be to live in a place full of love and life, a place full of sovereign Iraqs and Afghanistans, a place worth living in and living for and not a place worth dying in and dying for.