Kids may hurt marriages

Lifestyle Relationships
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Parents all know that children make it harder to do some of the most enjoyable adult things. Bluntly put, kids can get between you.

Now scientists have attached some numbers to the situation.

An eight-year study of 218 couples found 90 percent experienced a decrease in marital satisfaction once the first child was born.

“Couples who do not have children also show diminished marital quality over time,” says Scott Stanley, research professor of psychology at University of Denver. “However, having a baby accelerates the deterioration, especially seen during periods of adjustment right after the birth of a child.”

An unrelated study in 2006 of 13,000 people found parents are more depressed than non-parents. Scientists speculate that the problem is partly a modern one, because parents don’t get as much help at home as they did in previous generations.

There are key variables to note in the new study.

Couples who lived together before marriage experienced more problems after the birth of a child than those who lived separately before marriage, as did those whose parents fought or divorced.

However, some couples said their relationships were stronger post-birth. They tended to have been married longer or had higher incomes.

Children don’t ruin everything, Stanley points out.

“There are different types of happiness in life and that while some luster may be off marital happiness for at least a time during this period of life, there is a whole dimension of family happiness and contentment based on the family that couples are building,” he said. “This type of happiness can be powerful and positive but it has not been the focus of research.”

Kids Curb Marital Satisfaction

How far do you agree with this :hmmm:

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Re: Kids may hurt marriages

Based on my observation.....kids can make or break a marriage.

If 90% of couples are experiencing a decrease in marital satisfaction after having children ( according to the above research) then those couples were on shaky ground to begin with.

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Re: Kids may hurt marriages

they needed an 8 yr long study to figure out that parenting is tough and not everyone’s cup of tea? :smack:

its a no-brainer that kids do bring on a truckload of responsibility, adding on to the anxieties in life. but problem lies not with the kids but the way you approach parenting, if you start looking at it only as an obligation, a duty which is keeping you from “enjoying adult things” or the feeling that you had to put your on life ‘on hold’ in order to complete this chore then you are doomed. stop playing the victim, no one put a gun to your head to procreate! once you get out of the me me me phenomenon the whining will stop.

both a marriage and good parenting require a lot of effort and hard work, and when combined together its defintely a challenge so ppl should stop whining and being lazy and tackle the challenge head-on because all GOOD things in life are NOT free! there aint no easy button in life.

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Re: Kids may hurt marriages

WF,

If couples stopped having children just so that they can keep the "fun" alive in their marriage.....then the human population will surely dwindle.

What about those relationships in which the couple has no children....and one of the partners is having an affair? In such a scenario, the kids are not the problem. I'm giving this example to point out that there are many factors that can derail a marriage besides having children.

And every marriage is different. There are many couples who become closer after having children, because they have a common goal, and they can share their happiness and sorrows with other additions to their family.

The key is to balance things out. Couples need time away from their kids to keep the spark in the marriage alive. And healthy couples make sure to arrange time for themselves and take a break from life's chores.

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Food Art
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Re: Kids may hurt marriages

there is an adjustment needed.

Added responsibility stress- You do have increased responsibility and less freedom, because a little pidoo is completely dependant on you.

Less time- less time as a couple and less time as a person.

Financial Stress- additionally, your expenses increase- so play money and/or savings rate go down.

Career impact- for women who give up work, adjustment is not always easy and that brings stress in the home as well.

To say that it can have a negative effect is true, how a couple deals with that is where the strength of the relationship comes into play.

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Re: Kids may hurt marriages

When my oldest was born, my mother advised me to always take care of my husband, because some day my children would grow up, and so many couples separate after their children leave for college because the only relationship they have left is that of co-parents. We still go on date night a couple of times a month. You need to remember that you and your husband form the nucleus of a stable family, and that the children are in the periphery. It isn't healthy for them or for the family relationship to base everything on the needs and wants of the children.

history mystery part 2