Kids - life and death questions ...

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My 8 years old is asking too many questions related to life and death these days. We try to answer as many as we can in the terms he can understand at the same time making sure we are not overloading him with the information. He is kind of sensitive guy (my wife raised him, what else can one expect? :hoonh:). Is it normal at this age? If yes, what are the best ways to handle these type of questions?

Here is one of the conversation we had while we were going to chuck-e-chees last night. It almost made me stop the car and cry!

kid: baba, do kids die too?
Me: yeah beta every living thing has to die. People, plants, animals everyone will die one day.

Kid: but in our family, all the old people have died no kid
Me: because when people grow older, become week and they die because of health problems but young people die too. Allah decide who has to die when

kid: mama, dada is old now, will he die too?
Wife: allah na karey. Aiseee bateen nahee kertey. Everyone has to die, but you always have to pray for everyone’s health

Kid: when people die, can they come back?
Me: no they can not. Thats why allah miaan told us to do good things in life because no one will get second chance.

Kid: I dont want to die. I love you all. I want to live with you :frowning:

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Re: Kids - life and death questions ...

this conversation is probably harder on us than it is on kids. they tend to ask stuff and then store it away....unlike us, we dwell and often cry when we consider the possibility that one of us, either the child or ourselves, could pass away and be separated.

it is healthy for him to ask and very important that we don't brush the subject away. we should address it as best we can without making it a grave, excuse the pun, subject.

one thing that I would recommend is asking the child why he/she may be thinking about this stuff at this point in time. was there a specific event that prompted him/her to think along these lines?

I know that there are different schools of thought on this matter and I have chosen to be very open about it.

When my FIL was passing away......and I mean in the last few moments of his life......I was in the room and Noor, about 15 months old at the time, was also there. She was in my arms while hubby and eldest BIL held FIL in their arms, propping him up so he could take his last few breaths without difficulty. The nurse was also in the room. As he took his last breath and his head dropped to one side Noor scrambled from my arms and stood on her own little legs. Looking up at the ceiling she said, "Dad Allah!" Both of those words were in her vocabulary but I don't know what caused her to put them together just at that time. She then ran to the other room where Mum had been seated and announced to her the same thing: "Dad Allah, Dad Allah". This brought MIL running.

I don't know what the truth is but I like to believe that innocent little Noor knew what had happened. Not because I had told her that it was coming but because I had not interfered and not "protected" her from this reality.

Since that time I have made sure that she attends each and every funeral. I have, against strong recommendation of family and friends, encouraged her to see the bodies wrapped in their pure white kafns so that she can experience and not be afraid. She has cried....even when she has not known the person, perhaps only because everyone else is crying, but I have encouraged that too.

I don't know if my approach is morbid or cruel, as some have suggested, but I am so far unconvinced of negative reprecussions as I have seen none.

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Re: Kids - life and death questions ...

Decent - everytime I pass a graveyard - my daughter questions what it is? why it's there. And my philosphy is not to give her too detailed information or too little information.

Like Munza said - I think it normal to have questions about death. And maybe he saw something on T.V or heard something that is making him ask these questions.

Since you brought the spiritual aspect - maybe you can let him know that Allah determines the time of death for each person.

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Re: Kids - life and death questions ...

I think you are handling his question pretty well Decent. I told my daughter that good thing is that if we do good in this world, after we die, we all gonna live in the paradise, together, for ever.

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Re: Kids - life and death questions ...

good point TLK....telling them that we will be together forever is a very positive way to leave the conversation.

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noted … :k:

Muzna, I remember when we were kids, we were quite aware of death its self and also the procedure to follow (quran khowani, bath, kafan and qabrustan etc). Some how we figured out that although all cousins are together but we should not play and laugh as usual now that might be because we grew in Pakistan where families are closely net together. I think you got my point. Its hard for us (the parents) but for them, its perhaps just an another question like why can spongebob not walk on the ground?

njgal, intentionally or unintentionally we (me and wife) do bring spritual issues into these or perhaps most of the discussions. I have seen the tendency in my kids that they tend to understand things easily when told with Islamic prospective.

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Very good point....there were a lot of questions that we didn't need to ask....the answers were sort of understood because we were exposed to those situations. That is similar to the approach that I am taking. Some folks though believe that this is not the right approach and that children do not need to know such realities until later in life.