I’ve arrived at the age where friends and relatives around me (similar age to me; mid 20s) are starting to get married, have kids, mortgages, etc. And here I am just sitting here still finishing uni.
Some people get married and have kids (not necessarily in that order) in their 20s and some in their 30s. I was talking to my boss about this. He got married and had kids in his early 30s. But that was an active decision. They postponed because they wanted to be well established with careers and travel beforehand. Now they have 3 kids and are doing very well mashAllah.
There are obviously pros and cons to both. One situation can suit person A better whilst the alternative suits person B.
It should be noted that my boss is not desi.
Desis are more inclined to get married earlier rather than later, at least from my experience.
So I wanted to ask if you guys are willing to share;
-*Married people, did you get married early? Or late? Would you do it the same if you could do it again?
-*Unmarried people, what are your plans? Would you like to be wedded earlier rather than later? Why?
-*Errbody, why are Desis (Pakis, Indians, Banglos, Lankans etc) more inclined to getting married early?
I personally will probably spend my 20s unmarried and not a father, hopefully.
This isn’t a what’s better or what’s worse thread, so lets not try rip each other new orifices. Different things work for different people.
I was 23, my husband 26 when we got married. For me, this age and time was right because I had been living with my mother alone ever since my parent’s divorce at the age of 14…my mother had remarried when I was 21 and I felt out of place living with her and my stepdad at that point. I was ready to start my own life, and I met and fell in love with someone who shared my same visions and goals.
We knew we didn’t want to have kids right away, but little did we know that we would face fertility struggles that took us down a long road to parenthood.
For us, marrying in our early and mid twenties was the right decision. If I had to do it over again, I don’t know if I would have waited longer. My outlook and situation was largely formed on my childhood, so maybe if my family life had been different growing up, my views on marriage and settling down earlier rather than later would have been different too?
I have both male and female cousins though, who are 25+ right now and have no desire to get married right now.
I got married around 22 but had kids around 29 but if I could do over, I would wait a bit longer. I wanted to have kids earlier on only because I wanted to have more than two and I wanted to enjoy their childhood in my twenties than my thirties but oh well. I would say waiting a year or two to figure out the marriage without kids is ideal in my books and having them early enough to enjoy them. I do dread going to their graduations with a cane and a hearing aid.
I got married when I was 26, was engaged for 2 years. I had just finished my education when my parents found my rishta which I felt was quite soon but I demanded the long engagement so was able to work a few years.
Had children after 4 years because I wanted to wait a while, initially 2 years but didn’t realise this would be a struggle n take 2 years so in a way regret waiting so long but it also gave us time to get to know each other properly n travel.
I think men get married later, when they r financially stable. N with my non desi friends that I grew up with, most of them got married in early 30’s n having kids mid 30’s. I think the earlier u have kids the better.
I have a desi friend that got married when 18, had her 1st child a year later n another after 3 years. They r now in their late teens n she isn’t even 40 yet, she enjoys travelling with them n doing everything with them. I think u have more energy when ur younger as well. Leaving having kids till ur 40 isn’t really fair on the kids as u will b 60 when they r 20.
I got married early and I would do the same if I had to it again, it was the best decision ever :rotato: Had our first born 2 years later, which at that time felt very early on but now when I look back it was the perfect timing for us - The hubby and I had been together for 5 years when he was born.
