Mere ghar maiN subhe-mishl aa thehri hai
Maine deewaroN ko khaaboN se yuN sajaaya hai
Zindagi saaz-o-sur ki lai pe gaoN, dil chahe
To aainay main tera aks sa banaaya hai
Nigaah-e-shauq maangay bahaar sa har ik mausam
To kona kona kachchi kaliyoN se mehkaaya hai
Najaanay kis ghari ho jaaye aamad-e-yar ae ~pari
Lo, shokh palkoN ko dehleez pe bichaaya hai
By: Pari
Re: Khwab. Khushboo. Rang. Roshni.
Mere ghar maiN subhe-mishl aa thehri hai Maine deewaroN ko khaaboN se yuN sajaaya hai
Zindagi saaz-o-sur ki lai pe gaoN, dil chahe To aainay main tera aks sa banaaya hai
Nigaah-e-shauq maangay bahaar sa har ik mausam To kona kona kachchi kaliyoN se mehkaaya hai
Najaanay kis ghari ho jaaye aamad-e-yar ae ~pari Lo, shokh palkoN ko dehleez pe bichaaya hai
By: Pari
*Najaanay kis ghari ho jaaye aamad-e-yar ae ~pari
Lo, shokh palkoN ko dehleez pe bichaaya hai *
bahot umda sher hai...aapkii Ghazal pahli baar paRhii...bahot achchhii koshish hai.
aapke andar salaaHiyat e she'r goii hai...bas, zaraa saa bahr aur auzaan kii taraf tavajjoh kijiye, iA maidaan aapkaa hogaa.
Ghazal kii haiyat to Theek hai, masha Allah. :) mat'la ke baGhair bhii, ba vajh e maqt'a, murass'a Ghazal qaabil e sad sitaa'ish o daad o taHseen hai. :)
Allah kare zor e qalam aur ziyaada! :)
aapke taKhallus "PARI" se mujhe yeh naGhma yaad aa jaataa hai:
**
mere ghar aayii ek nannhii pari
chaandnii ke Haseen rath pe sawaar**
Re: Khwab. Khushboo. Rang. Roshni.
bus apni awaz main suna den 
Re: Khwab. Khushboo. Rang. Roshni.
main mundarja bala dono tabsaron say mutafiq hon… na cheez kuch bhi nahi bol sakta paye kay shora kay darmiyan… :sid:
Re: Khwab. Khushboo. Rang. Roshni.
copycatter! 
Aasan English main samjhaayen plz. Mere sar se guzar gaya hai. 
App mazaaq banaayen ge tu phir main post nai karon gi.
Re: Khwab. Khushboo. Rang. Roshni.
App mazaaq banaayen ge tu phir main post nai karon gi.
sorry sorry kaan pakaring
sorry sorry kaan pakaring
[/quote]
Aur 10 dafa uthak baithak.
Re: Khwab. Khushboo. Rang. Roshni.
Aur 10 dafa uthak baithak.
chuk pad jae to?
chuk pad jae to?
[/quote]
Lol what? Sirf 10 dafa karne se chuk pad jaye gi?
Re: Khwab. Khushboo. Rang. Roshni.
flu ki halat main kuch bhi ho sakta hai 
flu ki halat main kuch bhi ho sakta hai
[/quote]
Oh mujhe bhi strep throat ke symptoms ho rahe hain warna main yeh ghazal apni mudhar aawaz m suna deti
Re: Khwab. Khushboo. Rang. Roshni.
to, kia huaa? Mukesh kii aawaaz bhii to aise hii thii…lol 
Re: Khwab. Khushboo. Rang. Roshni.
bas, zaraa saa bahr aur auzaan kii taraf tavajjoh kijiye...
Ghazal kii haiyat to Theek hai, masha Allah. :) mat'la ke baGhair bhii, ba vajh e maqt'a, murass'a Ghazal qaabil e sad sitaa'ish o daad o taHseen hai.
Bataaya nahi app ne, KKF. What is bahr, auzaan, mat'la, maqt'a and murassa'a? Educate me please. I like to learn.
Re: Khwab. Khushboo. Rang. Roshni.
Bataaya nahi app ne, KKF. What is bahr, auzaan, mat'la, maqt'a and murassa'a? Educate me please. I like to learn.
-bahr [plural: bahoor] is called meter in English poetry which is like the sur and taal of Indian Music. it's the art of sequencing in a certain pattern based of the sounds of the syllables of words. it could be a long one [2] or a short one [1]...pattern may look like 2112, 2112, 2112, 2112...these patterns haveve their individual names...there are about 36 bahoor.
*-auzaan *[plural of vazan (wight)]...every word has a weight based on short or long syllables as explained above. for example...the word "Madz" has one long and one short syllable...mad=long=2 and z=short=1...word Ghazal = Gha=1 and zal=2 [1,2]...word Khaleel = Kha=1, lee=2, l=1 [1,2,1]
-matl'a is the first she'r [couplet] of a Ghazal where the qaafiya [plural: qawaafii] is contained in both lines [misr'a]...qawaafii are the rhyming words like maHmil, meHfil, saaHil...
in the subsequent ash'aar [plural of she'r], qawaafii are repeated in the second line [misr'a] of each she'r.
-**radeef **is the word or a group of words that are repeated in both lines of the matl'a and every other line [misr'a] of each she'r.
-maqt'a is the last she'r of the Ghazal in which the poet uses his pen-name [taKhallus]...it may be used in the matl'a as well but it's rare.
-murass'a is any Ghazal/nazam which strictly follows the requirements of a Ghazal and there are no mistakes in it.
i will explain these with examples later on. hope this will be of help, iA.
Re: Khwab. Khushboo. Rang. Roshni.
Thanks, KKF. I came to Canada in grade 9. So I've studied Urdu up to grade 8. What little I know about shayari is from reading others. I know I could use some help.
Re: Khwab. Khushboo. Rang. Roshni.
Thanks, KKF. I came to Canada in grade 9. So I've studied Urdu up to grade 8. What little I know about shayari is from reading others. I know I could use some help.
it's really commendable that you have love for the language and you enjoy writing poems...definitely, any work of art requires some learning and it's never too late...as i said earlier, pay some attention to the basics and it will go a long way, iA :) good luck and happy maGhaz-maaring! :D
if you need help, i'm here as well as other Guppies and Guppans to extend their help with a smiling face! :)