& Peheli.
I didn’t=that’s the point. A senior within the family knew because of their relationship to us and that’s how the circle of talking began.
Before someone says “how did they guess” I was extremely ill, and when when a senior in the family suggested to my husband I went to hospital he said the situation was under control the doctors had seen me I was fine. That was translated as the news and passed on. Noone asked us why the news had not been passed on, it was simply passed on with a side note of “don’t tell anyone”.
My issue is often the truth gets mixed with spices and the actual truth gets left behind and you get the start of “oh you didn’t tell me first, you told so and so”. This can potentially damage ristaas amongst a family Stolenights and as you rightly put everyone is designed differently. I know family of mine is wired differently to the way I’m thinking, hence me expressing that I’d prefer for them not to talk about anything personal to me. To avoid this amongst the family I only announce things when good and ready and when I can speak to everyone in the family. That’s a right surely someone has? Or maybe I’m a coconut.
Some of my khalas are married into families that have no connection to myself or my husband-I don’t like the idea of my family discussing personal things to me in a household where there is people (in particular where there is men who I have no relation to!). Why should a bloke I don’t even know have the information that I am expecting.
For the record I have expressed to my family when I have visited them in Pakistan that I would appreciate that they didn’t speak of my homelife to others, that would include change of jobs, my plans to visit Pakistan or future pregnancies.
And also, Stolenights, and any others who are reading this as my mother is the one who actually started this I never put that.
Someone sent me a private message saying this is widespread across a lot of 'aapne’families-I do have some non-desi family and their way of gossiping is still gossiping but isn’t actually to the degree some may do it. Does that make sense? No of course if doesn’t but it does to me. I can’t really generalise on the whole non-desi family situation, gossiping I guess could be classed as a part of human nature?! Or something similar, but why talk about those requesting privacy.
I can’t change those family mentioned, so what are my options? To accept they will talk even in front of men who I have no relationship to?