I can’t for the life of me stand kanjoos people, nor can I understand why anyone would be kanjoos, especially when it comes to food. In our culture we’re so open with food and never compromise on the quality or quantity of the food we eat, and are more than willing to share with neighbours and friends. However, its so different in other cultures where people are less inclined to share and ‘what is mine is mine, and what is yours is yours’.
And only now am Im getting used to the whole concept of paying seperately when friends go out for dinner, I used to be so uncomfortable with it before. I think we should just have turns picking up tabs.
I am really confused, is our culture too open when it comes to khana peena? I have always been brought up in a very khulla system, but being with non-desi people so much has made me realise how different they are from us, and if you do them a slight favour, they feel so greatful and feel like they owe you something. When I do something for someone, I dont want them to feel like they owe me…that just makes the situation uncomfortable.
I think kanjoosi and non-kanjoosi is definitely a cultural issue and it differs from nation to nation. Japanese people are quite hospitable though, and never let a guest pay for anything.
A lot of my friends in college liked to pay separate tabs. I also found that strange because I prefer the situation to be where you take turns. I remember I used to do that with one of my hispanic friends, and one day when I was about to pay for the meal, she turned to me and said, "I think we should pay for our own meals because sometimes it might be unfair if one day we go out to eat and the meal doesnt cost much and the next day we go somewhere where the meal cost a lot and then one person has to pay more than the other." I tell you I was simply stunned by the statement, but I accepted her decision. I can understand the logic, but I am not used to doing that, just as you arent catty. I also noticed that with me atleast, it was more gender specific, the girls did it, not most of my guy friends.
we had with us, when we were doing ou BSc, a guy from oman, who was actually born and raised in USA and had come to bahrain for studies after failing to achieve any credit there....
he somehow ended up in the company of us pakistanis, and he used to be so amazed and pleased with the concept of 'one person pays for all' and he was so touched by the 'brotherhood' between us pakisatnis that he got more closer and even started living with one of the guys so enjoy more of the sharing....
we've taught this un-kanjoosi to almost all ppl who ever spent time with us....
and maybe u shud do the same catty....
pay for ur friends and after a couple of times they'll realize the thing....
but at times this 'brotherhood' gets messy when one person ends up paying most of the times because of their nature and some freeloaders take undue advantages..
the beauty of everyone paying for themself means that you can always go out without hesitationj knowing fully well who's footing the bill.. no hassles .. no takalluf.. it kinda takes that anxiety off of your shoulders about which two are gonna end up wrestling with the check..
Thats the thing armughal what if it becomes one sided like Baba G says, when the same person keeps picking up the tab. Most people would be like hey, a free meal and wouldn't think about doing the same, I have experienced it. Nice to know that your friend was influenced by Pakistani hospitality.
Munni, thats interesting that guys might be less picky in such situations, Im trying to think, perhaps they are to some extent, but at the end of the day theyre all the same.
Why would you want to stop someone who likes paying the bill often? My dad is like that. (Mash'Allah) He absolutely loves it because he says the giving hand is better than the receiving, no matter if other people are taking advantage or not, because he feels that (and I agree with him), Allah is Rizak and if He is seeing you spend, He will give you more.
This doesnt mean he always spends, because eventually people insist on paying.
I mean if its a system where a different person flips the bill, why would it lead to one person paying all the time in the first place, unless that one person really enjoyed it? There are very many ways to let it be known that its another persons turn.
Kanjoos-makhichoos! Oh how I hate penny-pinchers!!!
When I go out with my friends, we usually take turns picking up the tab. It's kind of an unspoken agreement and we're all cool with it. All of us are financially independent so picking up tabs of say $100-200 per dinner taking turns is fine.
When I'm out with a significant other, I always expect him to pick up the tab on the first date, as is traditional. Sorry for being so traditional, guys. If he is a gentleman, he will pay regardless of the tab and will offer to pay subsequent times as well. If not ladies, mind the red flags.
With my asian friends, we all just take the total bill and divide equally. With the europeans around we split equally. But there are exceptions. My russian friends just throw in the money and forget any change. Just depends on the environment you are brought up on. Europeans and latin americans tend to be very individualistic.
^I mean, I can understand if someone is a bit tight on the pocketbook in order to save $ for something they really want. What I despise is people who cut corners by trying to skim every dime, nickle, and penny just for the hell of it. Now THAT is called cheap.
The problem is that Pakistani guys are not trust worthy at all when it comes to money. Most are freeloaders. They take pride and feel utmost satisfaction in NOT paying for their meals or outing. So, it is very hard to do the honor system with them. I tried and it doesn't work.
I dont see a problem with going dutch, would the end result not be the same if everything worked out fine...
to be fair..each person would pay for everyone at a similat establishment..which is not the case..BABA pointed out that there are freeloaders around as well..
other part is that there are also folks who would be much more frugal when they are buying versus when someone else is buying.
There is no way in hell I am paying for all the wine and cocktails consumed by someone else if i did nto drink. its ridiculous. I have been to dinners where the alcohol tab was 3 times the dinner, and since i dont drink, why should i pitch in. and then te bill is divided into equal parts :)
I think paying for oneself is simple, bay takkaluff, you can get what you want without feeling that someone else will have to pay for part of yoru meal or that you are being shortchanged. its not nickle and diming..just makes sense.
sweetpie not all of them are like that, the ones from PK r really sweet and they dont want to hear a word when others say they’ll pay
otherwise i dont like kanjoos ppl but thats just the way some ppl r, my pakistani friends they get mad if i say im paying them back, my arab friends get mad if i say im paying at all and my indian friends well theyre the same
everyone seems to get mad if u tell them ull foot the bill
warna i think its really sweet and ppl should encourage this bcos it gives a sense of togetherness when u share something even ifits just food :k:
and then you have the other side of it, when ppl start fighting like idiots over a bill...its annoying and our takkaluff and all just makes it even worse. go to any desi restaurant or for that matter any large desi group at a restaurant and observe the bill-kabbadi.
Xara, that is true. If anything, Pakistani folks from back home tend to be most hospitable and welcoming, declining offers to pay for meals, etc. It shows polite etiquette and common courtesy.
I had a white friend in college who always used to bum $ off of us when we would go out. It's so bad, she still continues to do it despite having a nice job. All one has to do is ask her directly if she has a $20 though and she doesn't even hesitate to hand it over. I think asking for $ is just a habit for people like her, you know...not a very nice habit perhaps, but a habit nonetheless.
We 'always' go dutch when we're out for dinner with a group of friends. Except at times when we know beforehand that someone is treating. ANywayz, don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's always been this way and the most obvious reason is ofcourse the fact that I live in Holland :p
On the other hand when I'm in Pakistan I don't let anyone pay for me and take out all the cousins waghera for dinner many times :) Over there it just doesnt seem right to split the bill (hmm strange when u think about it!)
