There is a common concept in the circles I have come across in Pakistan that one should conceive in the first year of marriage in order to “kadam jama” in the new family and bond with the husband. Moreso in an arranged setup, but generally as well.
How many of you agree with this? And why?
Re: "Kadam Jamana"
Qadam jamana is nothing more than evaluating everyone and adjusting within them in new family and there is nothing wrong in it.
if you do not like the term qadam jamana, then you can say cementing your place...
Re: "Kadam Jamana"
It is time period when new Bhau wins the hearts of in-laws. Good family helps her and appreciate the effort and cooperate in initial stage.
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D6C, I understand that is what qadam jamana means, but I've heard it mainly with respect to having a child. that it doesnt happen or isnt complete till you do that. ie. have a kid
Re: “Kadam Jamana”
you need to “kadam jamma” in any new place in life. like a new workplace, etc..
can’t conceive every time :rotato:
Re: "Kadam Jamana"
D6C, I understand that is what qadam jamana means, but I've heard it mainly with respect to having a child. that it doesnt happen or isnt complete till you do that. ie. have a kid
To some extent it is true children make the bond stronger but even children are not the guarantee that relationship will go on. True relationships are based on love and care.
Basically kids bring change to every aspect of individual & family life. People become a bit more cautious after that.
Re: "Kadam Jamana"
there's no guarantee that having a child within the first year of marriage will cement the relationship....my parents got married on feb 22, and my sister was born nov 19...you do the math....
...and they divorced 22 years later.
There is no right or wrong time to have a baby. It's got to be a mutual decision between husband and wife. Most couples I know (both here in US and Indo/Pak) have waited until after the 2 year mark, to enjoy being newlyweds, and getting to know each other. Once a baby comes, life, your relationship with your husband, the marriage..it all changes. The change is good, much sweeter, but it's different nonetheless.
Aur waisay bhi, sab Allah SWT ki dain hai...humaray chahnay say, ya naa chahnay say koi farak nahin parta...jo naseeb mai lihka hai, wohi honaa hai.
Re: "Kadam Jamana"
As khattichic alreayd pointed out, kids dont necessarily make the bond between a husband and wife any stronger. They do change the bond/relationship... but strong is probably not the word that I would use to describe it. As D6C explained, it makes you more cautious of your actions and what the impliactions may be... cus you cant be selfish anymore (in a way)
Having said that, a lot of desi couples forget, or seem to neglect the fact, that there needs to be a bond other than kids between a husband and wife... cus surely, you mean something more to your husband than the mother of his child(ren)? right?? I'd hate to think, ke that was the only bond I had with him.... Id like to be his friend, his confidant, his go to person, his lover even... lol.. but you get the picture... I would feel really empty, if the only bond i had with him was the kid
Re: “Kadam Jamana”
u vant to be husbhaaand lowwer? hawww haiiiiiiii 
Re: “Kadam Jamana”
Re: "Kadam Jamana"
As khattichic alreayd pointed out, kids dont necessarily make the bond between a husband and wife any stronger. They do change the bond/relationship... but strong is probably not the word that I would use to describe it. As D6C explained, it makes you more cautious of your actions and what the impliactions may be... cus you cant be selfish anymore (in a way)
Having said that, a lot of desi couples forget, or seem to neglect the fact, that there needs to be a bond other than kids between a husband and wife... cus surely, you mean something more to your husband than the mother of his child(ren)? right?? I'd hate to think, ke that was the only bond I had with him.... Id like to be his friend, his confidant, his go to person, his lover even... lol.. but you get the picture... I would feel really empty, if the only bond i had with him was the kid
Agree..
It would actually make me really uncomfortable to think that this needs to be done to hold us together in the first place (and maybe I could be interchanged with any other woman who did the same?).. I would like to think our relationship goes deeper..
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^ exactly
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That's how a parasite makes sure it's host won't kick it out. :o
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It is not aimportant that qadam jamming by taking kids, People get separated even after having children. So all depends on mutual understanding, love and respect.
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contraception quality control is not good nowadays. sad times.
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'Qadam Jamaana' term was coined for dubli patli dulhans of olden days who needed some pregnancy weight to have a good grip on the floor. Today's moti taazi girls dont have to worry about that.
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Oh and one more thing. I was joking :(
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'Qadam Jamaana' term was coined for dubli patli dulhans of olden days who needed some pregnancy weight to have a good grip on the floor. Today's moti taazi girls dont have to worry about that.
looooooooooooool
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In military terms it means not one step backwards…
Okay I’m going. 
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^ resistance is fertile?