Are some men really kaan kay kachchay, that they allow their wives to completely determine how his relationship with his family should be? Are they really so kaan kay kachchay that they stop using their minds and judgement skills and believe every story told to them by their wives? Or are they just, in a effort to avoid conflicts at home, always in agreement with what the wife says and in fact, turn around and accuse the family of wrongdoings?
And in the end, the poor mom-in-law blames the bahu…bechaara mera beta kaan ka kachcha hai.
My take on this is... what's wrong is wrong. I don't believe that it's ALWAYS the in laws or it's ALWAYS the wife. It's somewhere in the middle and the husband should be smart and cool enough to know who's at fault. To blindly stick up for only one side every time is not going to be healthy for any relationship.
I agree Sara. I believe a man should be able to create a good balance. Of course having a mature wife helps, but one party can't always be right or wrong.
My take on this is... what's wrong is wrong. I don't believe that it's ALWAYS the in laws or it's ALWAYS the wife. It's somewhere in the middle and the husband should be smart and cool enough to know who's at fault. To blindly stick up for only one side every time is not going to be healthy for any relationship.
Why cant the ladies grow up and sort out their own differences, issues, peeves etc with one another on their own instead of dragging the poor dude in the middle fully knowing that he is in a no win situation as long as they done straighten their acts out. If the women sort their mess out then they would not need to drag the poor bloke in the middle.
The fact that they have to drag him in as a 'neutral' third party yet stakeholder, just is not right, because as soon as he says something that either of the dies does not like, the neutrality goes out the window and he is public enemy numero uno pronto.
the reasons like oh well its your mom, or oh well its your wife ..so u need to sort the person out is baseless. I swear the day my mum and wife get into this, if they drag me in the middle, I would just say okay either you guys solve your issues and dont bother me about it, or let me just make a call and I want no grumbling..go live with my decision since you called me into this as a broker. Good thing is that they get along, and live with their differences of opinion and not making it an issue.
but i feel for the guys who get placed in this no win situation of being the broker between 2 parties who are not really interested in having a mutually agreeable solution but just want the dude in their corner in this battle of dumb wills.
I agree Sara. I believe a man should be able to create a good balance. Of course having a mature wife helps, but one party can't always be right or wrong.
1 its not the man;s job to create balance, its is teh job of the two adulkts bickering to grow up and learnt o live with one another
2 oen party cant be always right or wrong, and maybe both are right sometimes and maybe botha re wring sometimes.
why do they need to involve the dude whose only fault it is that he is the link but not party to whatever the latest punga is
to summarize; men being kaan kay kachay would not be an issue if the fueding ladies try to become less dimagh ki kacchi
Correct X2. But this man I’m talking about always jumps into the battles between his wife and mother. We’ve told him many times but he’s always itching to creating a scene…his wife is insecure, mom is demanding.
Kya kiya jaye?
My ma-in-law and I have a relationship outside of my hubby (in fact some people think she’s my mom and his mother-in-law:smack:) but that happend when hubby realized he needs me to fight my own battles.
This fella I talk about thinks he’s gotta be in charge.
Correct X2. But this man I'm talking about always jumps into the battles between his wife and mother. We've told him many times but he's always itching to creating a scene...his wife is insecure, mom is demanding.
Kya kiya jaye?
so all three parties are an issue, not just the guy
if the wife is insecure and mother is demanding, then would the guy be able to find a lasting truce? even with the best intentions and best abilities a lasting truce can not be obtained unless it is accompanied by behavioral changes from the invooved parties.
Maybe he is stressed stuck between a demanding and an insecure person and is trying to do his best to end the standoff, whether he is good at it or bad at it is a whole diff issue.
ask yourself, if u were a guy who was stuck between 2 parties who would unlad their issues with each other on him, or due to them not acting mature he lives in a stressful situation. If he was not doing anything, some may say he is uncaring and not doing anything.
The fella may be trying to be in charge because it seems that the mum n wife in that case dont want to take charge of their own interactions and issues.
if they did, he would have no role to play anyways
Are some men really kaan kay kachchay, that they allow their wives to completely determine how his relationship with his family should be? Are they really so kaan kay kachchay that they stop using their minds and judgement skills and believe every story told to them by their wives? Or are they just, in a effort to avoid conflicts at home, always in agreement with what the wife says and in fact, turn around and accuse the family of wrongdoings?
And in the end, the poor mom-in-law blames the bahu...bechaara mera beta kaan ka kachcha hai.
This is so common in our culture. I wonder why?
Niksik.....maybe some men are tired of hearing the women in their lives complain so they nod their head in agreement to both sides :D
so all three parties are an issue, not just the guy
if the wife is insecure and mother is demanding, then would the guy be able to find a lasting truce? even with the best intentions and best abilities a lasting truce can not be obtained unless it is accompanied by behavioral changes from the invooved parties.
Maybe he is stressed stuck between a demanding and an insecure person and is trying to do his best to end the standoff, whether he is good at it or bad at it is a whole diff issue.
ask yourself, if u were a guy who was stuck between 2 parties who would unlad their issues with each other on him, or due to them not acting mature he lives in a stressful situation. If he was not doing anything, some may say he is uncaring and not doing anything.
The fella may be trying to be in charge because it seems that the mum n wife in that case dont want to take charge of their own interactions and issues.
if they did, he would have no role to play anyways
The wife is always doing little dramas, the mom takes him through a guilt trip. He thinks his mom is over dramatic and his wife deserves more attention.
It's all so weird. All 3 people are to blame. I've run out of ideas to help. The worst part is that I know all 3 parties and I'm often stuck in the counseling role.
Niksik..no one can help someone who is not willing to change.
I would walk away, i have seen too many well intentiond ppl get stressed, and become teh bad guy because they were asked to help.
All in All marad ki zindagi asaan naheen hoti...Jab Shaadi hoja ti hai na, marad is locked between 2 parties...Whife and parents...ab kisko follow karre banda? TELL ME? is it possible nowadays that you can satisfy both of 'em?
Khuda na hasta, if I have to decide one day between whife and parents, I'd choose none of 'em...I'd kill myself or just go away...dono partiyaan khush hojai naa...Marad ki Khushian kon chahtaa hai? suicidal thoughts waise bi mujhe har din follow karte hain...
^^^ Awww man, it shouldn't be that hard. My hubby has struck that fine balance. Maybe because his wife is mature and his mother is understanding or the other way around.
I agree Sara. I believe a man should be able to create a good balance. Of course having a mature wife helps, but one party can't always be right or wrong.
very few men can create a balance..some avoid it all..
All in All marad ki zindagi asaan naheen hoti...Jab Shaadi hoja ti hai na, marad is locked between 2 parties...Whife and parents...ab kisko follow karre banda? TELL ME? is it possible nowadays that you can satisfy both of 'em?
Khuda na hasta, if I have to decide one day between whife and parents, I'd choose none of 'em...I'd kill myself or just go away...dono partiyaan khush hojai naa...Marad ki Khushian kon chahtaa hai? suicidal thoughts waise bi mujhe har din follow karte hain...
jiss mard ko aapni biwi aur aapne maa baap ke haqooq main Tameez kerna na aaye, aise (na-)mard ko chahiyye ko woh shaadi kerke kissi larki ki zindagi barbaad na kere. aur aapni zindagi sirf aapne maa baap ke charNoo'n main betha Labaik labaik kehte khete guzaar de :)