Or, known in other words, as the Great Rishta Turn-off. This happens to me usually at 75% of the desi functions i attend, or when i meet some new Auntie/Uncle from the community. i know a few Guppies around here are pursuing non-conventional fields of study. i would like to know which ones those are and have you felt the pressure to justify it to your family/friends/relatives, etc.
“BeTi - kia parh rahi ho?” is the question every student gets asked. My eyes averted to the floor, i respond quietly, “International Development Studies”. There’s a pause, usually followed by an extremely polite, “Kia?” The Auntie leans in closer towards me to hear me better. A bit more loudly this time, my eyes still glued on the floor, wishing i could get swallowed up by a black hole right about now, i repeat, “International Development Studies”, fidgeting with my fingers, playing with the edges of my dupatta, anything to avoid having to look her in the eyes. Poor Auntie pauses, not quite sure what to say next to me. There’s an awkward pause in the air. At this point, whatever self-esteem you had, is 90% gone. “Oh acha,” and Auntie smiles very kindly, not quite sure what to make of this rebellious girl who is wasting her life studying something so trivial. Then she says, “Uss sai kia job milay gi?” Now i love this question because the thought of what job positions you can get with this, are extremely self-satisfying for me. i explain i would like to work overseas, do “development work”. i leave out the Africa part, because i don’t want to give her one shock too many in such a short period of time. The next question is usually preceded by a nod, and then, “Laykin beTi, uss mai zaida paisa tau nahin ho ga?” This is the most depressing question, and if there was a black hole around somewhere, i would jump in it wishing to be swallowed by it for a few years. “Nahin,” i nod my head in agreement, replying truthfully, “Uss mai zaida paisa nahin hota.” The Auntie nods sympathetically, perhaps feeling sorry for my parents. To be fair, i have had these experiences more often with my long-time friends than Aunties - and it’s with well-intentioned friends who think they are stating these things out of justified concern for my future.
So - is anyone else studying something perceived of as ‘unconventional’? How long does it take before you are able to justify it to your family/friends. Which fields of study are you pursuing (just out of curiosity). i get the same reaction (above) as i get from most of my friends, minus one or two so to be fair, it’s not Aunties i am pointing fingers at. It’s my friends who can be so darn discouraging… it gets to you after a while, to the point now where if i am discussing studies/careers with some of them, i will change the topic so i don’t have to hear disparaging remarks. Their niyat may be excellent, but the end result is always that i end up feeling massively discouraged. To any Guppies who are studying non-conventional fields of study, what are those (out of curiosity) and how have you justified it to your family, friends, et al?
