Re: just needed to rant..
things like this happen alot b/w husbn n wife...but u shd never take it srsly...maybe u shud of told him why u wer behaving the way u wer n he might of undersstood u...n maybe ur husbn did notice that u wer tired n wus just tryin to cheer u up...by makin u laugh:)..talk to eachother ...n ull b fine:)..
ps...she dsnt wrkk...shes a student..:)
Re: just needed to rant..
maybe she's facing the kabhi alvida na kehnaa dilemma
Re: just needed to rant..
hmm… Housework can make a wela-banda mad tao imagine what it can do to a working/studying mother :no:
Is your MIL too old or what, why cant she make rotis herself? If theres nothing else, you can try cooking for the whole week at weekends and freeze it. Take out frozen food and feed them that… you can even make naans and freeze. I;m not saying thats easy work but atleast its better than cooking everyday :k:
Re: just needed to rant..
Well did you talk it out with him that you're stressed with all the work? I mean, are you the only one who knows how to make rotis? Why not get those frozen naans, and heat 'em up in the oven? I mean, somewhere you're going to have to cut corners to get all your responsibilities under your belt.
And if he's not willing to help out with the housework, his own family, and his kids, then it is partially his fault that you're having problems. You can't be superwoman and do everything without some help.
Re: just needed to rant..
gals r born to snap at guys 4 no reason not just wen da hubby is in da wrong…
..wen im in da wrong i dnt mind be snapped at n shouted at n sweared at etc(eg currently im in worng so i dnt mind) … but ther r times wen gals jus go on ther rants 4 no reason.,reasons not known to men!
Re: just needed to rant..
Sounds pretty wack that you have to make rotis when you get home from uni at 9:30 pm. What did ur inlaws do before their son was married to you? Starve? The personality flaw that u have is in my eyes a really bad one since it dosnt take much to make a tense situation even worse. You can easily come to say things that you regret.
Mayne the problem is that your hubby dosnt support u in ur studies and work and therefore isnt helping u around in the house to lessen ur burden. Or maybe he is just unaware that you are so stressed with all the stuff u have to do. Sometimes guys just dont realise how stressed another person is, so u shud certainly try and explain him how u feel..dont assume that he will understand hints..guys dont understand hints..be specific and honest.
Re: just needed to rant..
I've just read your journal and this post. The situation seems like the stereotypical one in which the inlaws are abusing their bahu, the husband doesn't get it, and no one is actually addressing the problem. I've seen a lot of women in this situation, and though it is not really their fault, they must take responsibility. Too many (desi) women don't speak up and explain their thoughts and feelings. Too many are unwilling to sound bad, and feel guilty because of stories about super moms/bahus who do it all. You're going to have to ignore the BS that will come out of people's mouth's because they think that DIL = servant (just read Anil's post). But these people rarely know what they are talking about, and you can't let them make you feel guilty.
You're just going to have to take that risk.
The first step is to speak to your husband. Open up to him. You have to remember that he is not your enemy or your torturer. If he doesn't get your problem (and often they don't) you need to explain to him what you're dealing with and how you are feeling. Let him know that you are not "supermom." Tell him that you want a life in which the house is clean, the kid is well-taken care of, fresh food is made, everyone gets on well together, and you have a good social life, but that you cannot make that happen on your own. You need his help and the help of all of the family members. You are a family, after all. You need to work together.
Your husband doesn't sound horrible, just sort of oblivious. Help him understand that the way he feels when he returns home late from work is how you feel. You want to make sure you take care of the kid, but that making dinner, etc, as well can be tough. Is he willing to help out with the cleaning? Islamically your duty is only to care for the child. The cooking, cleaning, should be shared (or entirely upon him, but rarely do we feel comfortable with that option).
How old is your SIL? What does she do?
Where do you live? Did you move into your MIL/FIL's house? Or did they move in with you? How was the house run before you were married?
Re: just needed to rant..
hey i dint read ur journal either...bu wen ur with ur husband u shud kinda b happy ur seeing him after some time...i understand ur tired and stuff...xplain that to him..ni a good manner nistead of jsut arguing and hurting eachoher...hes prolly hurt as well if u r
Re: just needed to rant..
wow, someone like me
i generally love my own space
and if someone transgresses it...dont care who, i will show major attitude
Re: just needed to rant..
You're just going to have to take that risk.
The first step is to speak to your husband. Open up to him. You have to remember that he is not your enemy or your torturer. If he doesn't get your problem (and often they don't) you need to explain to him what you're dealing with and how you are feeling. Let him know that you are not "supermom." Tell him that you want a life in which the house is clean, the kid is well-taken care of, fresh food is made, everyone gets on well together, and you have a good social life, but that you cannot make that happen on your own. You need his help and the help of all of the family members. You are a family, after all. You need to work together.
Your husband doesn't sound horrible, just sort of oblivious. Help him understand that the way he feels when he returns home late from work is how you feel. You want to make sure you take care of the kid, but that making dinner, etc, as well can be tough. Is he willing to help out with the cleaning? Islamically your duty is only to care for the child. The cooking, cleaning, should be shared (or entirely upon him, but rarely do we feel comfortable with that option).
How old is your SIL? What does she do?
Where do you live? Did you move into your MIL/FIL's house? Or did they move in with you? How was the house run before you were married?
i agree...:)
ur husband should help u...really
you have to go to Uni and study and keep up with all your work..and take care of so much at home..
You need to truly voice how over worked u are...because it can only last for so long until u start to resent ur husband..
ur not his slave...ur his wife...
helping each other makes a stronger, happier marriage
break that communication barrier! he should know every feeling u have!
Re: just needed to rant..
^yea...he sudnt always think the u hv to work work and work and riase the family
he shud help.
Re: just needed to rant..
he must be really insensitive if he cant sense the tremendous workload ur under
Re: just needed to rant..
yes..i understand...
but we dont want her to second guess her marriage...
every marriage takes work..esp arranged marriage..when u start a marriage with mostly pressure from family...u wont want to upset ur spouse because ur afraid ur inlaws will start complaining
but she cant be afraid of her husband and inlaws
some guys are raised to think the woman should do all the house work
she has to work to change that...
even if it upsets him at first..it will make for a happier marriage later on...
a real mature man..will be grateful for a wife who speaks up for herself and lets him know about problems that may arise..
not a "nag" but a strong woman
have to learn to pick ur battles..but this one definitely needs picking..lol
Re: just needed to rant..
Beginning with flaw in your personality and acknowledging it right away is a positive sign signifying that you see things in their real perspective. Had it been not, you would have not focussed on your irritable temperament. I then have jumped to another episode in which you have asked if you were to be blamed? Yes and No. If you had specified that you wont change and may have troubles readjusting to new environement than NO, you cant be blamed. If not, yes. A married life is a lot more different than single and one gets an idea that things wont be the same again. In such a situation one has to guess what would be the challenge ahead and how to cope with it.
If you have not reached to the point where your arguing festers the already deep wounds, do talk it out in a cooperative manner and put before yourself the choices you have. Dont forget that the child is a big responsbility and your decisions would ultimately affect her life. Negotiate and compromise and than negotiate again a little later and you would see that the burden of compromise reduces each time you give it a try. All the best.
PS: I liked your nick. You seem to be a character from a romantic era novelletes 
Re: just needed to rant..
if you know the problem ... you are done half of the work already :)
Just let him know that when you are really tired you will like to be left alone for a bit. If does start somefin at wrong time - just STAY QUIET!
"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"