lol:~) For us crazy Canucks.
On the sixth day God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and said:
“Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats, and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon.”
God continued, “I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on Earth.”
“But Lord,” asked Gabriel “don’t you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?”
“Not really,” replied God. “Just wait and see the neighbors I’m going to give them.”
Signs you may be a Canadian:
You stand in “line-ups” at the movies, not lines
You’re not offended by the term “Homo Milk”
You understand the phrase, “Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine.”
You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars
You drink pop rather than soda
You know what it means to be on pogey
You know that a mickey and 2-4’s mean “Party at the cottage, eh!!”
You don’t hold your hand to your chest when you sing the national anthem.
You can leagally drink as a teen
You know that anglophones, francophones and allophones are not electronic devices.
You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike
You don’t know or care about the fuss with Cuba. You just know it’s a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.
When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
You’re not sure the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don’t really want to know if he has.
You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs
Pike is a type of fish, not a freeway
You sit on a couch, not a chesterfield - that’s some small town in Quebec.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers or car’s glove compartment.
You know that Mounties “don’t always look like that.”
You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
You know that a “Premier” isn’t a baby born a few weeks early.
You design your Hallowe’en costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel ‘nightie’ with only 8 buttons.
You perk up when you hear the theme from “Hockey Night in Canada”
You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one metre above the ground.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.
You head south to go to your cottage.
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won’t prowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
The major parish fund-raiser isn’t bingo, it’s sausage making.
You find -40°C a little chilly.
You can play road hockey on skates.
The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
You read rather than scanned this list.
You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Canadian friends.
