One of the primary purpose of GS is people giving advice. Far too many times, I have seen this advice ranging from snapping relationships to physical violence, any time there is a disagreement or something has spoiled the relationship. Granted some of this advice may just be in jest or tongue-in-cheek, but the message that comes across, more or less, is snap relationships if you don’t like what someone has done.
Firstly I don’t disagree with it. Sometimes snapping relationships is probably the best thing you can do for your own sanity.
However, snapping relationships should be the last resort. And it should only be contemplated if the offence is so big that there is no reconciliation possible. Many times our own behaviors, attitudes, perceptions and idiosyncrasies should be blamed for a relationship that turned sour, but we are often too fixated on the blemishes of the other person that we have no interest in looking at ourselves. And definitely, it is difficult to introspect and analyze your own behavior. And far more difficult to be in other person’s shoes and understand where they are coming from.
The point of this post is, its very easy to snap relationships, get into an arguing match or resort to physical violence to get your point across. On the other hand, it is difficult to establish new relationships. And far more difficult to sustain relationships through thick and thin. You have to invest in each relationship. Cherish your family. Value your friends. Manage your relationships so you keep them for a long time. The variety of views each of them brings to the table, and the idiosyncrasies they display, is what makes the world a better place for YOU. Not everyone will think like you do, and by God, you don’t want to live in a world full of your own clones who all think like you do. If you keep getting rid of people around you, with whom you disagree, then you will end up a very lonely person. Learn through your differences, and you will end up be a better person.
You know faisal bhai sometimes it just happens... Its so funny over the weekend i ran across 2 girls one on saturday and one on sunday.
We started to talk one went to my school and today she is divorced with a child. and said it was for the best- Pakistani
Then other one goes to this ICNA center and i meet her. She went yeah i have a daughter but i am divorced- and its for the best Thanks to Allah - American
Its weird! sadly i see many youngsters running away from marriage it doesnt seem like a sacred bond no more. I don't know if the reason is arrange marriages or is it our culture?
But its scary divorce rate has gone pretty high. But no one seeks for divorce as a first solution to their problem.
Nice to know some mature heads are among us. What i have noticed here, girls are the one willing to snap it while guys are more resolving and flexible.
You need to give it a sincere try before altogater abandoning it. List of unaccetables is growing all the time --for girls.
When you are a 18 year old and have your whole life ahead of you, people tend to snap relationships much easily. The answer to every jhagRa is divorce.
Ego shatters with age, experiences and solitude.
I agree with Faisal 110%. Nice post by the way. Relationships are NOT easy, BUT....
Learn from your mistakes. No doubt. No matter how little or big they may be. One thing marriage has definitely made me understand is to learn to forgive and forget. I used to get upset over the smallest things in life and now through marriage I have learnt to sit and re-think scenarios. I have learnt to understand - what can I do better next time as a spouse, as a loving wife ? I definitely agree that one should look at themself first and then point fingers at others. 90% of things in a marriage/relationship can be solved or "fixed". The things that make us want to kick a spouse to the curb are never there or far few. Even those, with love and understanding can be dealt with if both parties are ready & willing.
In the last month alone, I have had 2 very good friends leave their spouses after 3-4 years of marriage. At face value, all these couples look great together but who knows what goes on behind closed doors ? My point is DIVORCE, kicking your spouse to the curb and ending long term relationships are the EASY things to do, but has one ever realised how difficult it is to find a good partner these days ? In the real world, very difficult.
The post is not solely focussed on marriage-divorce relationships, but all kinds of family/extended family/friends/collegues kind of relationships as well.
Fayz, you are right. When someone is young, they feel everything is replacable. You end up one friendship, you can get ten more people to surround yourself with. If your spouse doesn't understand, lets ditch him and get another one. There is way too much casualness about the whole thing. In this musical chairs, people forget to analyze their own behavior.
On Gupshup, the issue is more pronounced, because we often get to hear only one side of the story. For someone to even suggest that the narrator examine his/her own behavior, you have people jumping up and down "hey! she is the victim here, she should kick her husband in the balls, the ba$tard." Or "why are you taking the side of the other party?". Well, helloooo!!! you gotta understand all sides of the issue to give reasonable and intelligent advice. "Slap him", "kick him", "ditch him", will only get you so far, and probably down the wrong path anyway.
Great post! I think part of the problem is that many of the respondents are still kids, and really don't have the experience to offer serious solutions to serious problems, and that is where the "slap him" type replies come from. That said, we all need to keep in mind that we are only hearing one side of the story. Most people aren't going to illustrate their faults when discussing a problem.
I think that it's positive that many girls feel confident enough to leave a bad relationship, but people also need to have the maturity to understand the differences between a small bump in the road (husband stays out late with friends) to something that is not repairable (verbal or physical abuse). I'm not sure what the answer is, other than more open honest dialogue about relationships between parents and children. And by that, I don't mean "if you divorce, you'll bring shame to us all."
Good points Faisal, i have learnt through experiences, building a relationship is much harder comparing to breaking which is much easier. Highs and lows are part of life and relationships, dont snap it when its low for a while. few cases however its not meant to be and good for both.
People finding more easier to get upset, harder to tolerate and hence high divorce rates. and here i also blame people /friends around them who encourage them to go for it.
You are right. That may just be one main reason for people offering dubious and emotional advice. By no means, I suggest that people should stop giving advice, but before you press the "submit" button to your post, please pause and ponder whether the advice you are about to give is reasonable or not. You do not necessarily have to experience everything to be able to give sound advice, but please don't put people on the wrong track, on a topic you have really no idea about, just because you have an insatiable desire to post.
Another important thing to remember is that there are two ways people learn about important things in life.
Either by experiencing it themselves and making mistakes.
Or by learning from someone who has been through it or has good judgement and advises you.
Despite what some people say, you don't necessarily have to make mistakes of your own to learn. And if someone who has either experienced that same thing or has sound judgement gives you advice that may save you a lot of heart ache later on.
Lastly, get opinions from all sources, but the end decision should be your own. Its no use blaming other people for your mistakes, just because they gave you bad advice. Be responsible for your own actions. You WILL make mistakes. Learn from them and move on. Don't harp on your mistakes for too long.
whatever the case maybe i have observed people cannot think of their own faults . all they expect to shoot at the others while nourishing grudges for nothingness and their egos .
there are 6 billion people in this world.
i don’t agree with you loneliness is not so bad, and moving on is part of life, people die out, we have to realise nothing is forever, and people change, i’m ever changing, and people around me, my children friends have nothing in common with me except “same primary school” on our CV…so?
do we have to keep relationaships that left us unhappy? or try to open up to new relationships to fullfill our new self?
