Awww my ears have just swelled up with tears after reading this post! You must have had a lot of patience going through that. I have no words. May Allah give jannat to your mom, ameen. Alright, now the question comes to how she can go about telling the guy? It will be hard for her, and also telling her mom. What if the guy's mom says sorry to girl's family. We cannot let our son marry your daughter, she will be heartbroken is it not? Sick and heartbroken...
Yeah I don't know how my mom felt as she hid her emotions from us. But I rember those days I saw her not sleeping whole night. How much she would be worried about us leaving in dushmuns hand. And those dushmans to meri bahnon ko kothay pay bitha detay is tarha kay thay. Now I can understand how much she must have gone through during those days.
She didn't even tell her mom then she would be going through lots of pain without sharing that to a person who cares or who would become some comfort to her.
Tell your mom and him as soon as possible. Yeah I'm too conservative too. But If you are nikahfied then you are legali his wife so go dirctly talk to him either over phone or meet him some place. May or may not tell your parents or mom. Or may add her and ask her advice would be better. Yeah it would be tough for her to listening that news.
How to tell In my opinion go some place first ask over the phone to meet some place that I want to talk to you about some important things. Then both of you decide what to do. If he ask to involve his parents and want to tell then let him to whatever he wants or his parents want. If you both agree not to disclose to parents (his) then I think that's ok. But best is to involve them too.
Yeah don't worry about if his parents regects you for that that would be from Allah wil be best for you.
So don't worry about the future. Just believe in Allah. Aisha you won't believe when you totally believe in Allah then Allah help you in a way that you would say that is miracle.
So yeah tell him. It's up to you as you can understand your situation better what to do. May be use your mom to break your news or you tell yourself.
By being conservative. Agar main aap ki jagah larki hoti to ask my mom to involve and take care of everything.
That would be tough for your mom too. Be prepared to have bad news too. So that way it won't hurt you more.
Why not do istakhara and ask Allah to help you.
Ask your heart. Your heart will always tell you truth. No matter you follow or not.
If you love him it's better to have him. If he loves you then he would love to have no matter how much time he gets would love to spend with you.
I am sorry if I made you feel as if you were coming across as harsh to me. This issue is close to the heart and that is why I got a bit emotional. I know it is how life is. Full of ups and downs. Alright as I said, now the issue is how does she talk to her partner-to-be? what if she is the conservative type and she has not really talked before with HIM?