[quote]
Originally posted by Mirza Ruswa:
** Azam#1 bhaee:
tamam izzat o ehtaraam ke saath main arz karna chahuuNga k :
Alfaaz o ehsaasat bohat khoob hain
lekin bunyaadi shayeri ki kuchh khamiyan hain jin ki taraf tawajjuh ki zaroorat hai.
shayeri mazmoon,alfaz,wazan,radeef o qafiya se ibaarat hai.
yeahi shayeri ka husn hai k uss main inn tamam ajzaa ka imtezaaj ho.
App ne panaah ke saath fanaa ka qafiyah bandha hai . uss ke baad zubaaN, bayaaN aur giraaN bhi qafiye k taur par bandhay hain
jo funni etbaar se saheeh nahee hain.
Waisay aap main shayeri ki behtareen salahiyat maujood hai ussay zaya na honay den aur kissi Achchay ustaaad se Ruju' karen jo islaah k saath aap ko bunyaadi UROOZ se bhi ruu shanas kara-eN.
Ummeed hai aap ko meri yeah guzarishat GiraaN na guzren-gee.
shukriya
**
[/quote]
**
bohot bohot shukriya Mirza sahab .. janab khamiyoon ko door karne ke liay hi tou yahan post karta hoon ... aap ki reply parh kar I would say, thanks a million for taking out some time to give such a valuable comments for me ... I really appriciated ...
aur aap se acha ustaad kahan mile ga janab . aap isi tarhaan corrections karte rahiye .. ham isi tarhaan on par amal karte rahain ge ...
eik baar phir apki islaah ka bohot bohot shukriya .. umeed he ke ainda bhi aap hamari shairi ko isi tarhaan apna keemti waqt ata farmainge ....
**
Dosto, eik baar phir kuch feelings likhne ke koshish ki he .. jisko shairi to nahi kaha ja sakta .. magar islaah (correction) ki umeed ke saath aap sab se share zaroor kia jaa sakta he ..
Junoon he meri aarzu, he ishq mera be-panahh ..
chahoonga jisko ospe main, hasti ko kardonga fanahh ..
lazim howa jo chahanaa, chahoonga main to umar bhar ..
yea baat to bass mann ki he, doonga isay na main zubaan ..
khamooshiyon se wo meri, anjaan na hote agar ..
to jaan lete dil ke raaz, aata na yea waqt-e-giraan ..
milna he mushkil aab mujhe, daur-e-junoon ka hamsafar ..
tarsa tha main, tarsoonga main, hojaonga jal ke dhooanh ..
aay kaash mere dost too, mehsoos mera dard kar ..
khud jaan le ga kia hoon main, yea raaz jab hoga ayaan ..
main khaak ka putla to hoon, dil bhi main rakhta hoon magar ..
iss khaak main himat kahan, jo sehh sake dil ki tarhaan ..
lagta nahi bilkool mujhe, aanhon main apni kuch asar ..
na dasht mere saath he, sunta he na yea aasmaan ..
jalta rahega kab talak, "Azam" too apni bhool par ..
na sooch ke wo bhool thi, wo ishq ka tha imtehaan ..
by me
**
**
[/quote]
damn, its nice!! corrections tu bohat sarri hain lekin i think i will tell u later...waise itni khaas bhi nahi hai...jitna app phhooolll rahe hain...hehehe
no seriously its one of the nicest ones i have ever read and understood...amazing, isn't it??
The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.
~Jacques Benigne Bossuel
I am like an Open Book Except for the few pages of my past, My life is an empty book. It takes the shape of a mystery, To me it does at least. For I cannot tell what happens next, Too many cliffhangers and too much suspense. But its clues all lead eventually to the same place, Unfortunately it does not say where. It only says get the next book, For in this one you’ ve ran out of room.
I am like an Open Book Except for the few pages of my past, My life is an empty book. It takes the shape of a mystery, To me it does at least. For I cannot tell what happens next, Too many cliffhangers and too much suspense. But its clues all lead eventually to the same place, Unfortunately it does not say where. It only says get the next book, For in this one you’ ve ran out of room.
R tha kia jo ruwa ho bethay..apnay Amjad bahi k thread per he kaha tha…aur such he kaha tha ap sikho na k kesay priv ki reply hoti tu phir priv maiN main ruswa
I am like an Open Book Except for the few pages of my past, My life is an empty book. It takes the shape of a mystery, To me it does at least. For I cannot tell what happens next, Too many cliffhangers and too much suspense. But its clues all lead eventually to the same place, Unfortunately it does not say where. It only says get the next book, For in this one you’ ve ran out of room.
Aray hum ne tu payar se kaha tha ap tu raa’ey ka pahaR he bana dya…tu Amjad bahi ..bahi jo huwey tu bahion per maan hota is leay udher he kaha na..k agar ap ne ghar bar ki tu bahi hain na sambhal lain gain ..aur be-sati mut samjiey isay…