I’ve been inspired to open a thread (actually I think more than one) 
Let’s say someone’s previous actions are offensive, annoying, inappropriate, ignorant, idiotic, hurtful or ANY combination of the above - would your relationship or interaction be influenced by those prior experiences or do you let every new interaction stand on its own merit?
Re: Judging/interacting a person by their prior actions
We do all get influenced to some degree.....but people don't admit it usually
it depends on the nature of relationship.....for example at work or school....its easier to view new interaction one at a time......but in personal ones its far more difficult to isolate the interactions....
Re: Judging/interacting a person by their prior actions
it would definitely have an impact. lets say, if there was nothing then we might become friends in few days but in this case, it might take months to be friends .. ..
Re: Judging/interacting a person by their prior actions
yes very much effected... but if the person in question proves that this time it will be different then definitely the benefit of doubt should be given.
You can't help feel a certain way but you can be patient and still keep a straight face just to keep things friendly.
Moreover anything is easy to forgive except HURT... at least for me. People can be inherently annoying, idiotic even offensive but when someone hurts you on purpose - it's just hard to get over it and takes time.
Re: Judging/interacting a person by their prior actions
I've been inspired to open a thread (actually I think more than one) :@:
Let's say someone's previous actions are offensive, annoying, inappropriate, ignorant, idiotic, hurtful or ANY combination of the above - would your relationship or interaction be influenced by those prior experiences or do you let every new interaction stand on its own merit?
I definitely get influenced by prior actions but there have been times where I was forced to changed my opinion about someone after a new interaction. First impressions stick but they can change just as easily.
Re: Judging/interacting a person by their prior actions
I'm all for giving people a second, third, sometimes even a fourth chance, but they have to show some improvement, otherwise I wouldn't really interact with them. I would be civil at best, if I had to. It is a microcosm of how I am with some of the special members on here. :@: The art of cvility is something we can all improve on IMHO, but I digress.
Re: Judging/interacting a person by their prior actions
I definitely get influenced by prior actions but there have been times where I was forced to changed my opinion about someone after a new interaction. First impressions stick but they can change just as easily.
Personally, first impressions definitely leave a lasting impression. And it makes me not want to expend the effort on beginning the relationship anew later on. If I don't like someone for some reason that the other person is responsible for, then to my way of thinking the onus is on them to change my mind.
I'm all for giving people a second, third, sometimes even a fourth chance, but they have to show some improvement, otherwise I wouldn't really interact with them. I would be civil at best, if I had to. It is a microcosm of how I am with some of the special members on here. :@: The art of cvility is something we can all improve on IMHO, but I digress.
But even civility is tested by some people. I think most people (notice the caveat) are generally tolerant of others and cut them a lot of slack and where they are unable to tolerate them, they use the ignore principle. But some people don't earn/inspire that tolerance and civility and in fact make any interaction with them more combative and abrasive.
Re: Judging/interacting a person by their prior actions
Personally, first impressions definitely leave a lasting impression. And it makes me not want to expend the effort on beginning the relationship anew later on. If I don't like someone for some reason that the other person is responsible for, then to my way of thinking the onus is on them to change my mind.
True but sometimes when you're forced to interact with someone you'd prefer not to (due to their previous actions), you end up a little surprised. People change over time and I can vouch for this fact. A guy I thought was a total asshole at school, went on to become one of my best friends in uni.
Re: Judging/interacting a person by their prior actions
But even civility is tested by some people. I think most people (notice the caveat) are generally tolerant of others and cut them a lot of slack and where they are unable to tolerate them, they use the ignore principle. But some people don't earn/inspire that tolerance and civility and in fact make any interaction with them more combative and abrasive.
I usually suck at confrontations, so I will do my best to avoid that person. But if I have no choice and meet said person and they say something really offensive, I will just let them know that, and question them in a way to make them feel like crap. :D
Re: Judging/interacting a person by their prior actions
Yes. Its only logical to learn from history, but I am always ready to take a fresh look....
Re: Judging/interacting a person by their prior actions
True but sometimes when you're forced to interact with someone you'd prefer not to (due to their previous actions), you end up a little surprised. People change over time and I can vouch for this fact. A guy I thought was a total asshole at school, went on to become one of my best friends in uni.
You're right, sometimes forced proximity gives you insight into a person that you had previously written off. But if interaction is not forced then there are fewer opportunities to change your mind/opinion about a person.
I usually suck at confrontations, so I will do my best to avoid that person. But if I have no choice and meet said person and they say something really offensive, I will just let them know that, and question them in a way to make them feel like crap. :D
I'm not a fan of confrontations either and I too try to avoid them, but every once in while, avoidance of the person and the issue gives the other person license to be even more ridiculous and they deserve to be called out for their offensive actions.
Re: Judging/interacting a person by their prior actions
Sehrysh, I don't think it's as cut and dry as that, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. I would be tempted to say that you give someone the benefit of the doubt only so many times and then you just sort of give up.
My policy, mostly because I'm a real dick, is to hold a grudge but not let the other people know where they stand. I'll treat them REALLY nice for a while and then really poorly for a while and then switch back to being really nice. I like to keep people guessing. I am evil.
Re: Judging/interacting a person by their prior actions
Yes. Its only logical to learn from history, but I am always ready to take a fresh look....
This.
Re: Judging/interacting a person by their prior actions
It can depend upon the frequency and gravity of the offense. For example, I know some people who REPEATEDLY make the same offenses not only towards me but others as well............they DO have positive qualities and can be very nice........but I chose to maintain a distance because the negative outweighs the positive. It's hard to explain. You know how some people....their one or two negative qualities....can be bad enough....so that it becomes harder to over look them and they get in the way of the more positive qualities. And when they keep making the mistake over and over again.....it becomes harder to maintain the relationship. Their response....(for example, not apologizing, lack of sincerity, etc) can shape your decision. I know that I've either decided to maintain a pretty strong distance or cut them out altogether....includes "friends" and relos.
Re: Judging/interacting a person by their prior actions
Yes. Its only logical to learn from history, but I am always ready to take a fresh look....
I relate to this reply.
Re: Judging/interacting a person by their prior actions
The past is the best (although not absolute) predictor of the future. I stereotype and I judge people because it's natural.
Re: Judging/interacting a person by their prior actions
A lot depends on the stage of life where those inappropriate incidents occurred. If one was a teenager at the time, then I think one should let go, because most of what one says or does during their teens or preteens is immature stuff. If it happens at a more mature age, then yes, at times it can be difficult to let the other person off the hook. But in all fairness, we should also take a closer look at our own attitude, and see what caused this particular incident to happen in the first place. If we are fair enough, we will realize we had some role to play in what the other person did or said as well. And based on that, I think that if the other person wants to forgive, forget and move on, then so should we.