Love Story
The inexperienced young Bob was smitten with Sue who was sitting beside
him in his parked car. Looking at her in the light of the full moon, he
gently placed his hand on her knee and said, “Sue… I think I love
you.”
With a knowing smile, she put her hand on his and said, “Higher Bob.”
Clearing his throat, Bob said, “Sue… I think I love you!” in a
cracked falsetto.
The surest way to remain a winner is to win once, and then not play any
more.
Truman Clock
Upon arriving home with their new purchase, the couple set up a clock
that had belonged to the late President Truman. After tinkering with it
for a while, the wife sat back and looked despondently at her husband.
“It may be beautiful,” she said, “but now I know why he was late.”
Sad Duty
The police officer didn’t know quite how to break the awful news to the
woman. When she answered the doorbell, he said, “Mrs. Daniels. I’m
Officer Smith, and… you know that new fedora you bought your
husband?”
“Yes…?” she said.
“Well, its been ruined.”
“Ruined?? How??”
The officer replied, “A safe fell on it.”
Crickets
As the young couple parked in a crowded lovers lane, she sighed
romantically.
“Its lovely out here tonight just listen to the crickets.”
"Those aren’t crickets, "her date replied.
“They’re zippers.”
Bank Holdup
Two men held up a bank. They cleaned out the cash drawers and then
herded the tellers and clerks into the vault.
They were getting ready to make their getaway when one of the tellers
whispered, “Hey, buddy, would you do me a favor?”
One of the robbers said, “What’s on your mind, pal?”
“Would you mind taking the books, too? I’m five thousand short.”
Deep In The Jungle
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and
get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a
path.
Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, “Ooh dad,
there’s one.”
“No,” said the father. “There’s not enough meat on that one to even feed
the dogs. We’ll just wait.”
Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son
said, “Hey dad, he’s plenty big enough.”
“No,” the father said. “We’d all die of a heart attack from the fat in
that one. We’ll just wait.”
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son
said, “Now there’s nothing wrong with that one dad. Let’s eat her.”
“No,” said the father. “We’ll not eat her either.”
“Why not?” asked the son.
“Because, we’re going to take her back alive and eat your mother.”
…