***1) Teacher tells a student a=b, b=c implies a=c. Tell me an
example.
Student : I love u - u love your daughter - so I love your
daughter.
- Its funny when people discuss over “love marriage” and
“arranged marriage”
It is like asking a person if he would like to “hang himself”
o"shoot himself".
- What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of
enemies & division of friends.
- A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength,
Weakness, Opportunity , Threat) Analysis.
He said, my strength is my wife.
My weakness is my neighbours wife.
Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out.
Threat comes when I myself go out
5)Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls . These are the world’s largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can’t be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
Teacher : Correct the sentence, “A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field”
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won’t.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It’s addressed to Mumbai.
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
Man before Marriage I like Airtel…“Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan”
After Marriage He’s Like Hutch… " Where R U Go Our Network
Follows."
Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it’s a Jersey.
Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin…!!!
Sagaai hui… Shadi Hui… Biwi ghar main aayi… ghar SWARG ban
gaya… aur main…SWARGWASI…
They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is
love; after marriage it is self-defense
It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!
It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to
protect a country
BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME! Let’s Thank …KAAMWALI
Mayawati came to Lalu’s House with a Goat…
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho…??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!
After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st
patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch
& finally said BOLE TO… TORCH THEEEEK HAI
What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a
positive side!
Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.
Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?
Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!
It’s funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
A person who surrenders when he’s WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he’s RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!
A sardarji pulled out 6 people from a burning house…
Still he was in jail…You know why?
Coz all the 6 were firebrigade staff !
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I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air,it was blown away.then
I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~ ~
God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light
He saw me without problems, He created YOU.
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Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
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TEACHER== Name four members of the cat family?
STUDENTS== Daddy cat, Mummy cat and two kittens !
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Police man== Stop, stop, your headlights are not working.
The Man== Move, move, even the brakes are not working.
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Why does history keep repeating itself?
Because we weren’t listening for the first time !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~ ~
An Astronomer was watching the sky from his telescope.
A sardar was observing him, Suddenly a star falls,
Seeing that sardar shouted “kya nishana hai”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~ ~
"Doctor, doctor, will i be able to play the
Violin after the operation?"
“Yes of course…”
“Great ! I never could before”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~ ~
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why dosen’t it rain on you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~ ~
Roses are red, Violents are blue
Monkeys like U should be kept in the zoo.
Don’t feel so angry, you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you.
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When ur life is in darkness pray to God
Ask him to free u from darkness and
Even after you pray and you are still in darkness,
Please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL !***
