**:flower1:welcome to Jokes Competition thread:flower1:
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Rules of the Competition: 1) Every participant will have to post at least 2 jokes. (you can post more than 2 but if anyone will post only 1 joke he/she will not be considered contestant of the competition.) 2) Each joke for this competition should be submitted in a separate entry/post. (which means you can not post 2 jokes in same entry.)
Post, jokes that you find most funny, in this thread.
This thread will be closed on 31[SUP]st[/SUP] of this month and then we will have a poll thread to select the winner.
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
**Mr Jone gets a call from the Hospital they tell him his wife was in a terrible accident.
He rushes to the hospital they tell him Dr Smith is handling the case
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**Doc comes out and see terribly upset Mr Jones
Mr Jones? Do asks "Yes sir How is my wife? The doc sits next to him n says
" Not good news her accident resulted fractures of a spine"
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"Oh my God' says Jone " What will be her prognosis?" Dr Smith says "Well Mr Jones her vital
signs are stable however her spine is in operable.She'll have no motor skills or
capability.This means u"ll have to feed her.**
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Mr Jones begins to wail and cry loudly. Then u"ll have to diaper her as she''ll have no
conntrol over her bladder.Then u have to give her bath and change the bed change her clothes giver her massage"**
**Mr Jone begins to shake and cries uncontrollably
Just then Dr Smith reaches out his hands and pats Mr Jones on the shoulder.
**Wife: what would u do if i died? would u get married again?
Husband: definately not!
Wife: why not? Dont u like being married?
Husband: of course i do!
Wife:then why wouldnt u remarry?
Husband: ok ok i'd get married again..
Wife: so would u both live in our house?
Husband: sure its a great house..
Wife: would u both live togethr
Husband: of course.
Wife: would u let her drive my car?
Husband: probably,its almost new..
Wife: would u replace my pic with her?
Husband: that would seem like da proper thing to do..
Wife: would u give her my jewelry?
Husband: no i am sure, she would want her own
Wife: would u give her my shoes?
Husband: no her size is 7......
Wife: .....(silence)
Husband: OMG...!!!
too many funny jokes out there lmao 
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