Two retired professors were vacationing…
Two retired professors were vacationing with their wives at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting on the veranda one summer evening, watching the sun set.
The history professor asked the psychology professor, “Have you read Marx?” To which the professor of psychology replied, “Yes and I think it’s these pesky wicker chairs.”
My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in crap up to their necks. The guy says “no, let me see the next room.” In the second room, people are standing with crap up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with crap up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, “I pick this room.” Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, “O.K., coffee break’s over. Everyone back on your heads!”
"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
"The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: ‘My friend is dead! What can I do?’ The operator says: ‘Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.’
"There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: ‘OK, now what?’"
thats a good one.
