^....very nicely said.
If only people would evaluate theiir own behaviour....their would'nt be any room for all these phaddas and lafraas...
This is probably why alot of pakistani parents insist on marrying within the family, to ensure everyone lives (or more likely to) together.
Ive been living in a joint family since i was a kid. was born in it. it can b fun at times but id love to live seperately with my parents and sis alone. theres soooo much family poilitics that it gets on my nerves:frusty:. on the flip side was the time i spent with my dada and dadi. they passed away and i love them both. living with them was sooooo much fun. joint families are tough to live in. my family also has two uncles, my dad’s brothers and their families. its really hard coz everyone is in each others businesses. but it has helped me in knowing how to deal with different kinds of ppl. what id like now is my own privacy and no joint family. after marriage… thats still open for now coz im still single.
thanks everyone for wonderful response : )
When i was born..i not only had my immediately family around..but also my dada dadi phupho chacha..dada's ammi..dada's brother and sister..and their families around..as time changed..people died..gals got married..moved on..but as a kid..i got a chance to be surrounded with loving chacha, cousin phuphos and many elders. It was truely a great experience for me..and if possible..i would like my generations to grow up in that kind of atmosphere. As i go back into my past..i do see a happy household..where ammi, phupho and chachi were like friends..sham kay time sehan may ronaq..batain..qehqahain ki awazain..cousins apas may khailnay kodnay may magan..I never saw anyone who had privacy issues..coz everyone had their separate rooms. As i see extended family system..its not only good for kids..but also good for other members..coz lets say if you don't make certain amount of money..you still can have a decent living coz of family budget and pooling of resources together. Now i just live with my immediate family for past 8 years since i moved to canada..but still i miss being part of an extended family.
Ammi says kay larki agar samajh bojh say kaam lay to har ghar khushiyoon ka gehwara ho sakta hay..and i truely believe it..coz i have seen how well she adjusted in the new mahol of my abbu's family..as she came from a small family and different country..
So, growing up with these ethics..i think i can handle living with extended families and inlaws..i love elders and i would love to do some khidmat of others :)
Re: joined family system.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by suroor_ca02: *
its not that big in pakistan anymore.. how do u feel about it? wud u live with ur inlaws? or with the families or ur brothers (usually) and sisters.
personally i dont think i can live with big family because i have never lived with anyone. we alwayz lived separately .. i like to have my own space and privacy. big families seem to be lot of fun but there is alwayz some sort of conflicts and politics going on. does that effect ur kids?
what r ur thoughts on this issue : )
[/QUOTE]
quite true.....
i like living in a famiy as in average family....iss mein piyaar aur khuloos bhurta hei.....helping and sharing is very nice.....but its also true keh conflicts can occur which can turn aggressive etc.....
having ur own privacy is better....but it depends what ur in laws are like........
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Qrius: *
When i was born..i not only had my immediately family around..but also my dada dadi phupho chacha..dada's ammi..dada's brother and sister..and their families around..as time changed..people died..gals got married..moved on..but as a kid..i got a chance to be surrounded with loving chacha, cousin phuphos and many elders. It was truely a great experience for me..and if possible..i would like my generations to grow up in that kind of atmosphere. As i go back into my past..i do see a happy household..where ammi, phupho and chachi were like friends..sham kay time sehan may ronaq..batain..qehqahain ki awazain..cousins apas may khailnay kodnay may magan..I never saw anyone who had privacy issues..coz everyone had their separate rooms. As i see extended family system..its not only good for kids..but also good for other members..coz lets say if you don't make certain amount of money..you still can have a decent living coz of family budget and pooling of resources together. Now i just live with my immediate family for past 8 years since i moved to canada..but still i miss being part of an extended family.
Ammi says kay larki agar samajh bojh say kaam lay to har ghar khushiyoon ka gehwara ho sakta hay..and i truely believe it..coz i have seen how well she adjusted in the new mahol of my abbu's family..as she came from a small family and different country..
So, growing up with these ethics..i think i can handle living with extended families and inlaws..i love elders and i would love to do some khidmat of others :)
[/QUOTE]
great........!!!!
reminded me of my childhood.........
i totally agree with you Qrius....!!!
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Qrius: *
When i was born..i not only had my immediately family around..but also my dada dadi phupho chacha..dada's ammi..dada's brother and sister..and their families around..as time changed..people died..gals got married..moved on..but as a kid..i got a chance to be surrounded with loving chacha, cousin phuphos and many elders. It was truely a great experience for me..and if possible..i would like my generations to grow up in that kind of atmosphere. As i go back into my past..i do see a happy household..where ammi, phupho and chachi were like friends..sham kay time sehan may ronaq..batain..qehqahain ki awazain..cousins apas may khailnay kodnay may magan..I never saw anyone who had privacy issues..coz everyone had their separate rooms. As i see extended family system..its not only good for kids..but also good for other members..coz lets say if you don't make certain amount of money..you still can have a decent living coz of family budget and pooling of resources together. Now i just live with my immediate family for past 8 years since i moved to canada..but still i miss being part of an extended family.
Ammi says kay larki agar samajh bojh say kaam lay to har ghar khushiyoon ka gehwara ho sakta hay..and i truely believe it..coz i have seen how well she adjusted in the new mahol of my abbu's family..as she came from a small family and different country..
So, growing up with these ethics..i think i can handle living with extended families and inlaws..i love elders and i would love to do some khidmat of others :)
[/QUOTE]
the more I read your posts the more i tend to believe that you must have a great upbringing. Your thoughts about our culture and tradition...its really nice to read ur posts.
Mashallah very nicely said...
Re: Re: joined family system.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Aashi: *
quite true.....
i like living in a famiy as in average family....iss mein piyaar aur khuloos bhurta hei.....helping and sharing is very nice.....but its also true keh conflicts can occur which can turn aggressive etc.....
having ur own privacy is better....but it depends what ur in laws are like........
[/QUOTE]
it also depends on what U r like aashi :-) i know so many girls who have compromised at so many things , bus thora dil ko marnaa parta hai too kabhi kabar naa paasandeeda log bhi ahista ahista achay lagnay lagte haiN , i think agar larkie yeh soch le ke yeh sab log ( in laws) uss ke Hubby ke payaray haiN to there should not be any problem ...Jiss ko aap pyaar karte haiN naturally uss ke payaray bhi aap ko achay lagte haiN .
Re: Re: Re: joined family system.
thanx for that Mehroo…
ur right…very right actually…:k:
i havent experienced any in laws yet…but to what i can see from others i want to serve my inlaws to the best of my ability i want to serve my husband Inshallah…and make them very happy…i want to be worth them…and treat my in laws like my parents…of course i can and i wish to amend my way for their kushi…
i have read all the rules in Islam applied between a husband and a wife…:k: and the in laws…how to treat them and how they should treat u…what is allowed and not allwoed etc…its a very interesting topic…:k:
i also agree with Qirus Baji…i have a very nice family…we all work together on any problem which we face…jaise agur body ke aik hisse ko durd ho tau saari body betaab ho jati hei…same applies to us…if someone is hurt we all get hurt…This is how we should live together…:k:
Salaam all,
I would have no problems living with my in-laws..as they would be my parents as well. If everyone follows the Islamic Family model..then there shouldn't be a problem. :)
I miss those days..when my grandparents were alive.
Close family ties. A Tradition.
Sunday....a tradition to visit family.
I miss that.
But I have restarted it..in my family. Tried to.
And these days..
My mom makes supper every Sunday... and I visit her.
I need my mom. I need tradition. Makes life sweet.
And parents. They hold so much wisdom and experience. Life.