[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Sharaabi: *
wats up wid aj kal di kurrian....
I dont care about others but I would defn. not leave my parents alone for any girl. These girls live with their parents all their life, but when it comes to in-laws they say they want privacy...How selfish could one be.
[/QUOTE]
What happens in situations where the girl's parents only have daughters? Who is expected to look after the wife's parents then in their old age? Are they not as valuable as the guy's parents that she should just leave them to look after his folks?
I would love to live with a big family and in laws..no doubt there is always some politics going on and lack of privacy..but still I think so son should live with his parents..and then his family will also live with them..
evry thing has advantages and disadvantages....I mean whether u r living in joint family or seperate u can c always politics going on in family....
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Sharaabi: *
wats up wid aj kal di kurrian....
I dont care about others but I would defn. not leave my parents alone for any girl. These girls live with their parents all their life, but when it comes to in-laws they say they want privacy...How selfish could one be.
[/QUOTE]
i love you man..tum sharaabi nahi hotay to tumhara moo choom leta...i agree with you totally
What happens in situations where the girl's parents only have daughters? Who is expected to look after the wife's parents then in their old age? Are they not as valuable as the guy's parents that she should just leave them to look after his folks?
[/QUOTE]
see i believe her parents would be just as valuable..i'd treat them like i treat my parents and takecare of them
Actually Islam or any religion has little to do with it. It depends on actual people. And its very hard to generalize.
My parents always lived independantly because of my father's posting in Lahore, whereas the rest of the family lived in Karachi. My grand parents from my father's side always lived with my youngest uncle and my mother's parents lived with their two sons, both married. We never heard of any major problems.
My brother and I lived with our parents even after our marriage and it was a lot of fun. The kids get so much love, help and support from all the folks. We never had to worry about finding baby-sitters or cooking every day. Its more economical, convenient, secure and doing fun stuff is all the merrier with more people. And privacy is created in a different manner, with everyone respecting each other's private space.
Then several years ago, both me and my brother moved to different countries due to our jobs. We miss out on the advantages of joint-family, but this is a learning experience and a lot of fun too. We visit Pakistan every alternate year and both my parents and in-laws visit us regularly too. Both the times, when they are here and when they are not here, are a lot of fun.
Long story short.. if you are intelligent, adaptive and have common sense, either of these two living styles will not hamper your desire to have a happy and lasting married life. Again it depends on the actual people and I can understand why most of you will want to live separately because you have seen very few example of successful joint family and want to minimize the risks of your own future happy married life.
i’m completely for joint family system all the way and have always wanted to live in a big family surrounded by inlaws and relatives :k: baaki ye toh Allah hi jaanta hae ke kismat mein kya likha hae…
i really pray to Allah that this tradition in our culture survives…
i’ve grown up partly in a joint environment and sometimes we also lived by ourselves…on both sides of our family mummy’s and papa’s though we still practice joint family Allah ka shukar hae…and no matter politics ya jo kuch bhee hota hae, at the end it is always much nicer to be surrounded by your family…is ke ilawa zindagi mein rakha kya hae…
no matter how big the problems are, i think they can always be solved…i don’t think the son should ever leave his parents alone…that should never ever be an option…bhaion tak ko alag naheen hona chahiyay parents toh doore kee baat hae…his wife and children and his parents should live with him…and ideally, all the brothers should live in one big house or atleast close by on the same street…
everytime i hear ke bhaion kee beevyon mein ittefaq naheen tha toh alag ho gayay and recently the new shocking trend of leaving parents alone …this new trend of the breaking of joint family is just really sad and it breaks my heart…
anyways i remember a hadith…this person had just became muslim and he came to our Prophet pbuh and said I have just converted to Islam and my parents are still non muslim so should i move out, should i leave them…Prophet pbuh asked him wether his parents force him to become non muslim again and he said no they dont..so our Prophet pbuh said to him that you should stay with them and also take care of them
so our religion does say to take care of your parents…even if it didnt i still wouldnt move out…my parents feel happy just to see our face..they cant even think about living without us
like faisal said if you are smart enough you can make it work…but if you are only concerned about u and ur privacy then u can find many excuses to move out
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by mehroo: *
well many educated ppl are " paray likhay jahal" laken i hope ke yeh sub change ho jaey ,
[/QUOTE]
ur rt .. padhe likhe jahil are those who want to live separately from start .. u can live as u wish but calling others who want to live with their parents jahil is pathetic! this is one of the few positive things left in our society that we care for our elders...want to see and have their guidence every day of our life rather than calling them once a year like western culture.. if girls without even seeing their in-laws start planning to live separately then there is very less hope that their marriage would be successful.. I understand if there are some problems its better to live separately but to be adament in it isnt a wise thing.. its not progess but decline of family values.. I and my wife miss so much while living abroad away from our families..
My parents will live with me, if not the whole time,a great chunk of the year. I am blessed with a wife who understands my duties as a son. MashaAllah my parents are indpeendent and in good health and dont need anything from us but eventually we will need to do our part as their children.
They are important enough for my wife and I that we think of them in our decisions for many things, e.g. when buying a house we look for a 2 master suite home, try to find a place where they can have their room on ground floor so years later they dont have to move up and down the stairs.
I would be nothing without my parents, and anything I can do will never match what they have done for me. Before I was married and was meeting girls, anyone who said from teh start that she would not like to live with my parents or have them live with us went out of the consideration right away, and that has been the same way for my brother.
as far as my inlaws go, they have the same respect in my house as my parents, and both of us have the same obligations to them as we do to my parents. They will probably live with, or as theys ay right next to my brother in law due to societal taboos associated with living with the daughter, but we dont care our doors are open.
I would always prefer that our parents live with us and have their love and affection bless us and our kids.
I would be nothing without my parents, and anything I can do will never match what they have done for me. Before I was married and was meeting girls, anyone who said from teh start that she would not like to live with my parents or have them live with us went out of the consideration right away, and that has been the same way for my brother.
[/QUOTE]
shabaash pir sahab..aap kay wichar parh ker mun ko shaanti mili
my father has 3 brothers MashaAllah all living together…its like they have their own household but live next to eachother n my grand father lives wherever he likes …sometimes …i must say i’m proud of it …for me its an ideal living situation …i never heard of any politics or problems
n now i am also in a joint system…i must say i am really lucky to have so nice parents in law…!!!
in my view you should always evaluate your own behaviour…i always think if this certain situation is between my mother n bhabi…how i would like my bhabi to react…???(though i don’t have a bhabi)…so alhamdulillah i never had a problem
to me they r those great personalities who gave me their son:flower2:
…this new trend of the breaking of joint family is just really sad and it breaks my heart…
