Re: Joint family or not?
Layla nooooooooooooooooo neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Alaag rahoo not with U in laws
Re: Joint family or not?
^ My workload only increased in a joint family - after all, what's a bahu for? Also, don't get too excited about arranging functions. In my experience it's the your nands who'll be doing most of the arranging.
Re: Joint family or not?
this is wht:smilestar: nands with be getting frm me if they ever try mess with me InshAllah
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Aw that’s so sweet! 
Re: Joint family or not?
Mashallah ki unchey khayalaat hain aaj kal kee lerkyoon k In Laws and NUNDS k barey main. preemptiveness & premeditation kee bhee koi had hotee hai. Never saw any post from any girl (married or single) that
“I’ll try to adjust with them and she will be like my sister and not nund” or “they will be/are like my parents and not in laws”
oh allah ki bandioon give it a chance liken yahaan tu pehley say hee “-ive” view bana ker baithee hoie hoteen hain
Re: Joint family or not?
^ I did go into the situation with a positive viewpoint. I thought that his family would be like mine and was happy to live with them back then. Then again, I'm just a dumb american who didn't know anything about desi family dynamics. Maybe these girls already have seen the joint family in action. Live and learn....
Re: Joint family or not?
Then that was your experience and not everyone's experience is same I guess. What I am saying that person does not have to make a -ive mind and should give it a try and if it looks like that’s things are not working the way you thought, then there always is an option for live separate
Re: Joint family or not?
^It's easier to set up a separate household, whether an apartment or house, in the beginning than to move out at a later date. My point is that everyone should go into this situation with their eyes wide open. Look at the way your future in-laws behave in general, do they respect privacy and closed doors, does the MIL insist on having a say in every single detail of the wedding, is the future husband assertive or too complacent? Living arrangements should be discussed in detail before marriage, and everyone involved should keep an open mind.
Re: Joint family or not?
I agree with many others that we should all think positively before going into 'sasural'. Joint families are fun to live in because like laylaa mentioned the bazurgs and also the hala gula but gotta keep in mind that there would be a lot of work even if the bahu's and nands divided up the work or assigned days to themselves and alot of compromising along with 'ghusa piina paray ga' or else all the mehnat can go down the drain with just one little comment or argument. So its kinda hard yet rewarding in many ways. Whereas living on ur own is ofcourse great cuz u get ur own privacy and space yet it can be costly i think if u r living outside of pk ... u have to pay all the bills and mortgages by urself. Also, if u had to sort of fight to be seperated from the in-laws, then if there are problems/conflicts, they might not support u in the same way...
I myself cant make up my mind what i would like to do once i get married....maybe decide before hand to be living seperately yet live with inlaws for some time...maybe?!?!!
Re: Joint family or not?
I have had some arguments with my in laws because their way of thinking is really paindu but I have always thought about how it would be nice for my kids to have elders near them so I always forgave and forgot about the horrible things they've done and said to me and my parents.
But a couple months ago when I saw them again, I kept in mind that I will try my hardest to be nice to them and treat them with respect as always. When my father in law screamed at me because I asked my husband to brush our toddler's teeth, my fil started screaming at me that only the mother should do everything for the child. I still kept my cool with all my fil's screaming and locked myself in a room. The next day the whole family acted like I was responsible for getting my fil's blood pressure up and my mil only prepared food for my husband, ignoring me completely.
Growing up in the States, I don't know how I could have handled the situation differently. I try to get along with them as much as possible but it's really a difficult task even for the most calm person. I'm thankful that I don't live with them.
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Wow malika i must say good job..(i guess u r nt living with them anymore) but I doubt that i would have been able to handle the situation and kept my cool for him screaming at something little like that and then being ignored by mil. do they live in US? cuz i would assume ppl would change their ways of thinking atleast a bit after living in US for sometime.
Re: Joint family or not?
Mallika, how were they to you before you got married?
Re: Joint family or not?
it happened when I was visiting them for three weeks. It was so stupid too and I was trying to explain to him that my husband does do things for our toddler when she's giving me a hard time but he wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise so I just locked myself in a room since it was no use trying to talk calmly to him. The next morning I got the cold shoulder from everybody.
Something like this has always happened when I see them.
all I wanted to say is that I always considered having inlaws live with me and my husband but in my case it's not possible.
No they don't live in the US but the weird situation between my inlaws and me is always on my mind. I guess there are some people that you just can't get along with as hard as you try.
Plus they are elders so you really can't change their way of thinking.
If your inlaws respect you and give you lots of love, I think a bahu should live with her in laws if she wants.
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I really didn't get a chance to get to know them before marriage since I only saw them for a few days and they live in a different country.
Re: Joint family or not?
Whether you can live with your in-laws or not depends on the understanding you have between each other. It also depends on one's own level of maturity and how well they can handle situations.
No matter who you live with (ie roomate, friends, family, spouse, in-laws etc), you are bound to bump heads from time to time...it's quite normal. Dont think of ur "in-laws" as your in-laws...think of them as your own family and treat them as such (that's if you treat ur family with respect).......if not better.
I always believe that distance makes the heart grow fonder...but sometimes there are some personal circumstances where a person just can not live separate from the family and that should be respected.
Re: Joint family or not?
great minds think alike 
but yeah it’s coz u get barkath aswell…why wouldn’t u wna be with in-laws?!
unless ur some controlling person who wants her hubby all for herself 
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well i am engaged but i love my in laws the sisters r cool not the *****y back chatting type u can find in pk in fact quite the opposite mother in law is always foning me to see how i am in a good sit
Re: Joint family or not?
wow man u r strong for keeping quite and ignoring them i would go mad knowin me 
but u handled it well and wat is the deal with the wives only doing everythin the baby is there cos of two ppl not cos of one they dont understand this
Re: Joint family or not?
I had really sweet in-laws.
We lived in same building, it was great way
to help each other out.
My in-laws would always joke whom they wanted
or wished to live with in future.
I was planning to get a house and at heart,
I felt happy my in laws wanted to live with
us..... The next Babhi was still in Lahore,
so they were a bit afraid how new daughter
in law would turn out.........
Our strenght was, we could easily say to each¨
other, we needed some privacy in a joking
way.
Those were good old days. Now I never hear
from them, they feel it is too painful to stay in contact
with me, since their eldest son remarried without
their approvel. My "sautan" does not have any contact
with her own family, neither does in laws accept her
due to her character.
I wonder, what my husband gained by dragging
all of us through the mud. Good terms are hard
to create and great in-laws are rare these days.