Re: Joint family guys
Do my eyes decieve me?? Are you finally back ? :D
Re: Joint family guys
Yeah I am back because I was told you are still single and waiting...
Re: Joint family guys
STILL? you make it sound like i am olddddddddddd :D[
So hows hte wife? :)](“http://www.paklinks.com/gs/showthread.php?t=237011”)
Re: Joint family guys
Living in joint family is really difficult,its not impossible but with children its really difficult.There is only one good part in joint family is that when wife is sick someone can look after her children and another good point is BUZRG are rehmat when they read quran but nothing else.
First problem is everyone has its own choice like in dinner time some one want rice or chicken but another person wants to eat goat.And always the winner is with power either it is wife or mother.and there are many many problems on daily basis that no one can solve except ignoring them or in good words compromising them.and last problem which i think is major problem that u cannot raise ur children according ur way.For example if u don't want ur children to watch tv but it is not possible in joint family because all others are watching and there are very small issues about raising ur children which u don't want to tell anyone but in joint family nothing is private.
I don't personaly like joint family because u cannot understand ur wife what she is talking about and u cannot raise ur children according to ur rules. In my opinion upbringing of children is very important issue and i want to raise my children according to me and my husband rules, so i don't prefer it.
Re: Joint family guys
As nice as they can be and as much as they love you, it just isnt the same if im living on my own.. i know how i am, and its like being on my utmost best behavior for like however long we’re there and even my best behavior is not good enough.. :hinna:
Re: Joint family guys
If I do end up living with my in-laws i dont think i would be comprimising anything or living a lesser lifestyle but I guess thats because my in-laws arent ur typical in-laws who would wanna keep an eye on me or make me a slave.
Re: Joint family guys
sorry if i am intruding as a female opinion-giver.
but, i think like everything in life, joint family system has its plus and minus points all the same.
taking care of the young ones, and the elders as they age, is automatically taken care of.
respect between generations can actually make the family grow stronger and closer.
blessing of eating food at every breakfast, lunch or dinner, together is such a blessed good thing. generation will love to get attached to a huge house, with a beautiful lawn, rooms or suites for each family.
when some celebration or a commemoration will be carried out, the family will suffice as loved ones to feel pride at accomplishments, to give hope or to encourage someone to heal, who suffered a great loss.
the sick can be taken care of together, as well.
monetary budgeting, if joint as well, will have to be carefully settled so that no one feels like having to foot the bills as more than their share.
the cautionary note is that each member in their status as parents, daughters, sons, in-law sons, in-law daughters, grand parents, grand kids, aunts, uncles, cousins, all have a stable routine within the joint family system.
no one unduly interferes in each others' matters. or talks behind each others' backs.
family naggings must never take place, if family systems are to work for what they should - loving and caring environment for everyone to flourish in.
privacy is again a major issue in joint family system, if that can be worked out, living among ones own is much better than living around someone totally strange or unfamiliar, unless independent unit family set up is necessary or preferred for well-reasoned logic.
in any event, wherever intentions are transparent and true sense of regard, respect and trust as well as mutual understanding is made available by each party - all will be fine, even in a joint family system.
dushi
Re: Joint family guys
Typical?
Re: Joint family guys
sorry to break this fairy tale scenario but majority of families living in joint family system are not living in mansions with suites for all and lawns and pools and what nots 
that is simply not the case for the overwhelming majority
Re: Joint family guys
I think the real joint family system is very rare at present Pakistan. my father and uncles initially had joint family system, but they moved out cause of their jobs and native houses were devided very later in life, my father and my uncle has still native shared house, where we only go for few days. and he lives there with his family. we may not exercise our right on that house practically as we are not going live there and will not sell to him either.
our agriland is still joint. though produce is shared sometime.
We and other uncles always lived separate families even being in same cities.
I dont know if you call living with in laws is a joint family system too. cause to me where I have no brothers i tend to live with my parents with my wife. though at present they visit us in london on and off and we go there once a year. eventually we will move back to Lahore and will stay with them.
To me i dont think its fair that i would leave my parents alone in old age to have a separate life. It also good for my kids they will have love from grands and positive effect on our own lives.
However if i had any brother then situation could have been different and i would have opted separately.
I have close friend who tried to live in very large joint family system, but it didnt work out very well. though they all four brother had separate houses within a very large piece of land in good locality in Lahore. their wives had rota on house hold chores and it worked well for 5-6 years, but when all started to have families, it wasnt very pleasent between them specially wives. so they eventually moved to separate new houses.
Re: Joint family guys
Do u guys think that there is no such thing as a compromise in a happy marriage then u r thinking rationally ,compromise doesnot make some one lesser or greater but rather make them more balance n peacefull to each other.
Re: Joint family guys
living with husband's parents is not joint family, it is sort of good.The joint family is where husbands brothers and sisters and their kids live together.
There is compromise in every aspect of life and thats what create love.But i cannot compromise anything for my children.
Re: Joint family guys
Compromise is basically to balance each others weaknesses.We all r not perfects but we all have weaknesses n we balance all of that by being with someone who can be able to take care of those weaknesses .
If a familly accept their daughter in law as their daugther n the daughter in law accept the familly as her own familly then its when a joint familly works but mutual understanding n acceptence is the key.Daugther in law was just an example but every relationship in life requires mutual acceptence for it to work.
Re: Joint family guys
I think now a days trend is changing and typical zalim saas and bad zuban bahoo is going,people are more mature they can understand everything and even every family wants to live seperate.BUt in joint family if everyone is ready to compromise than its fine, but in real world it is not possible, most of people knows that too.
Re: Joint family guys
when we take a decision in our life we did nt always take in account the experience of others instead we trust our own.Joint familly may not work for others but it doesnt mean that it will not work for me.All i can say is that i will not decide the future of my own familly on the base of some one else,s experience but rather i will decide it according to my own experience n for that i have to try .
Re: Joint family guys
one good point :k:
this makes our life much easier