This Kid will go far…
This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald’s restaurant in Florida; and they hired him because he was so honest and funny
NAME: Greg Bulmash.
****SEX: ****Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
****DESIRED POSITION: ****Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
****DESIRED SALARY: ****$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
****EDUCATION: ****Yes.
****LAST POSITION HELD: ****Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Was less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and ‘post-it’ notes.
****REASON FOR LEAVING: ****It sucked.
****AVAILABLE FOR WORK: ****Of course. That’s why I’m applying.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 – 3:30pm., Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.
****DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: ****Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
****DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UPTO 50lbs?: ****50lbs. of what?
****DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: ****I think the appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
****HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: ****I may already be the winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
****DO YOU SMOKE?: ****On the job, no, on my breaks, yes.
****WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: ****Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb blond supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
****DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: ****Yes. Absolutely.
****SIGN HERE: ****Aries.
