miserable, cunning people. but, redirecting their evil hood on them will need God to be on your side, and your own ability to steer clear of their ploys.
somebody can put an allegation on you, others conspire in the family against you and your parents, still others would poison you and make you to make a life long mistake by not adopting and choosing a partner who you knew was good for you, but the pressure of relatives on your parents made you give in badly as if your own minds, and many others would berate you in front of you, blame you for everything from not being generous enough, even though you do more than you should to give off of yourself to them.
SO, what do you do?
give them a piece of your mind, CLEARLY.
distance your self from them.
NOT allow anything about your business to be known by them so that they don’t cast their evil eye on you.
don’t invite them nor to go their events - sad or happy.
if you hear something they conveniently state about you and on your behalf to get you, you simply ignore their ploy.
you don’t need to give explanation of your behavior as you have had it.
you only need to protect yourself and if your parents have the confidence in you over the spying, keen imposing relatives, you protect your parents against the chachas and mamos and khalas and phoophoos and their spouses.
truly some uncles and aunts are despicable creatures.
may Allah swt give them some humble ness a clear conscience.
same is true of ‘friends’ who would not want you to excel to get out of the standard of living and thinking or mentality that they are use to, and when you make a change through your intended choice, they cripple your independent thinking and you buy into it, sadly.
some men suffer from their aunts and uncles’ bad influence on themselves and their parents, equally as women do.
how do you deal with the family’s uncles and aunts and their self-appointed claims on your life?
share if you like.
Well you cannot break your ties as that is disliked in Islam. What can be a better example than the Prophet (S.A.W) himself. Patience is a big help. Some lose their temper within minutes and some can wait patiently for Allah to do justice. I think we should be patience with such Uncles/Aunties and not lose our temper, thus saying something we shouldn't have said and regretting it later on. I know it can get frustrating sometimes and we want give them piece of ourselves right on the spot but most of the times, I have noticed (from personal experience), that I am always glad I did not misbehave and had patience. It is very easy to break something but may take ages to gain back the trust that we once earned. We should keep on trying to change as we ourselves don't know that a person may change tomorrow and becaome a better muslim than anyone else we might know personally.
(The Prophet) frowned and turned away, **
*Because there came to him the blind man. *
**And what would make you know that he would purify himself, Or become reminded so that the reminder should profit him? **
*As for him who considers himself free from need (of you), *
*To him do you address yourself. *
** And no blame is on you if he would not purify himself,
** And as to him who comes to you striving hard, **
*And with fear (in his heart), *
*From him will you divert yourself. *
[Surah Abasa: 1-10]
be it cousins, your age or their parents, or jealous friends,
as simple and decent people, non selfish ones truly need to wrap their minds around the sarcasm, the spite and really take ibreet from their mean spirited and spiteful nature.
exactly, people cannot run and live your lives for you.
and you should allow them to tell you, what to do and how.
there are clear signs of where people are sincere, and when they are only mean and jeasous of you since they want something from you or simply cant see you progress in life and be better than them.
Dushwari
i agree, ties cannot be broken yes. but they must not exist only to entangle you.
It is true but then again, when you think about it, if everything was perfect, this place would be like Jannah. Allah test us via wealth, health, hunger, family, friends, relatives and a lot more. You have to use wisdom when tackling such situations. My cousin always tells me* "Hazaar mushkiloN ka hal Khamoshi"*
In a way she is right. You can wait patiently and will not regret it later on (that you said something which you shouldn't have) but when you say something which you shouldn't have, you might regret it.
^ true and i absolutely agree that we should not say anything which you might regret later. i thank God, some of us are mindful of that always.
but staying quiet ultimately, becomes that one is suffring and serving as an accomplice in unfair and manipulatory relationship which must be effectively minimized and checked.
i hope you can see what i mean.
Dushwari
but staying quiet ultimately, becomes that one is suffring and serving as an accomplice in unfair and manipulatory relationship which must be effectively minimized and checked.
i hope you can see what i mean.
Dushwari
I agree. When I said observe "khamoshi", it wasn't to be taken literally. What I meant was say it nicely but do not misbehave or say something which you should not have. The best thing to do is to let them know in a nice manner and do not, i repeat DO NOT, think that you are the one guiding them. We, as humans, are merely tools and it is ultimately Allah who guides. Tell them as many times as you can and as the sitaution arises. Who knows, maybe if they ponder later on in life and become sincere, you will get ajar for as long as they are on the path.
Q to all - What do your parents say when rellies are particularly nasty?
My mum says to ignore it and so gets treated a bit like a doormat by some rels. She never says what she feels, just behind their backs,lol. not a good thing meknow. And as for my dad, he's pretty blunt, and he doesnt mind saying what he feels if someone really annoys him lol. What about you all? I find my mum's approach really frustrating, but she believes in endurance.
only yesterday in durs, we were talking about husn-e-ikhlaq... and how to deal with ppl who hurt you in various ways.... and it came to the conclusion that even the Quran gives us the right to get badla, HOWEVER, forgiving that person is better....
This works... if someone does hurt you, and is persistent in doing so, then ask Allah SWT with a sincere heart to forgive them, and to guide them... Subhanallah there is nothing that feels better to forgive bcoz u know it is most liked by Allah SWT (and we hope Allah SWT forgives us on the DOJ as well)
I guess when the siutation is right, perhaps u can sit with that person and tell them how you feel... if that doesn't change them, and they continue to hurt you, perhaps, increase your distance from them (this doesn't mean cutting off ties), dont meet them as regularly, inshallah it will make them realise what theyv'e done and may make them change their ways.
I know when ppl say that remaining khamoosh lets the other person "win", but at the end of the day, us lowering ourselves to play their games means that eventually we'll turn into them (God Forbid!)... and what could be worse then that?
Gosh just a personal experience i had been bottling up and felt that it was no good to tell anyone as it would make things worse.
I don't get along with one particular aunty when i got engaged my mom and i thought it would be good to go and give mitahi to her. We go there and when my mom leaves to go to the bathroom she quite conveniently asks me have you applied for hubby visa yet? I say no.... She says ' kui hale umer rai ghi ai' meaning you think you still have time since you are so old. ERRRRRRRRR
Gosh i am only 26 fine i guess its a big crime to be 26 and not married. But i am content, i did not say anything as i did not want to make any more complications with her, but errrrrrrrrr it pissed me off. I went there with good intentions not to be scarred for life....
^Its not you... its typical paki behaviour to comment on everything/everyone... good one u 4 not reacting! i get a feeling sometimes that ppl do want u to react, and when u do, they can go and tell a kazillion other ppl how u r just sooooooo rude, and that ur parents didn't raise u properly!
^Its not you... its typical paki behaviour to comment on everything/everyone... good one u 4 not reacting! i get a feeling sometimes that ppl do want u to react, and when u do, they can go and tell a kazillion other ppl how u r just sooooooo rude, and that ur parents didn't raise u properly!
so true! those aunties are just waiting to stir up even more ****!
I'm sorry but sometimes I think they deserve just as bitter a remark (in a nice way) back in reply, right then and there to shut them up...otherwise they see that they can walk all over you and repeatedly be rude. They need to be set in their place. I see and hear SOOO many things about a certain family of mine(cousins). I have ALWAYS been so respectful of this aunt, and super kind & friendly. After my shadi, she made plenty of very RUDE and snide comments, very hurtful about me. I was apalled because I had always been to nice to her, and how dare she spread false information about me all the way to the extended family...grr. My mom let her know and put her in her place. Unfortunaley my mom is still the type that thinks don't get down to the level of other's, otherwise there is no difference between us and them. TRUE....but how far do you put up with crap? Anyways I tried to continue to be nice, and even said salaam to her at a friend's wedding...the evil witch didn't return my salaam, when i saw her in the bathroom. The anti that was with her actually hugged n kissed me and asked how I was feeling (I was 8 months preggo at the time). Anyways as soon as the Evil Anti stepped 3-4 feet away, i made a snide comment out loud to my SIL, which was directed at her. I know she felt stupid, and I am glad. I am sure she was embarassed in front of her friends, and funny thing is her "friend"...an anti kinda told me i did a good thing :)