Peace All
There are reasons encoded in traditions for the seemingly ritualistic almost backwardness of certain gestures if we reflect are the cause of much peace. The common denomenator is self-respect but this should not be confused for pride … and arrogance for example should be avoided at all costs.
The reasons for people finding suitors for marriage within the same cast or family is often confused for exclusiveness which it has now become, but its original intent was so similar minds can be united in matrimony in order to enhance the longevity of the relationship.
The idea of hiding ones own sins and hiding the sins of others is a mark of self-respect … the fruit of this is that anti-social aspects are not glamourised. So people will think less about the ills of others and hence this will minimise the banter and gossip levels in a community.
When there are personal matters it is best to keep them personal even when they are true and there is no guilt on the bearer of that personal matter. Often these personal matters mould our minds and make us who we are and by announcing the matters in order to denounce who they are about is not always the best resort, because there are evil people in society who will use such personal knowledge for emotional gain and can easily weaponise such known facts about people. To be secretive is often misconstrued as being coy and cunning, but it is a wholemark of a shy person, careful and self-respecting.
When seeking guidance it is better to use analogies and to create scenarios which do not include names of people and so it is unclear for those who listen to know who such things are being related about, but because they are generic anyone can learn from the advise that will be given as a result.
In close relationships one should never see himself as superior to his spouse or vice-versa as a result of more education or greater ability to earn. The sentiments will lead to disrespect and disrespect will lead to disclosure of personal information which will be uncomfortable when anaylsed by impartial minds.
For sure it is always better to see how we can adjust ourselves rather than look to see how we can change others.
It is not izzat or ghairat for a person to claim to be “a person of honour”, but rather it is honourable to give others honour and respect. A man should work for a living even if he can only muster a humble income. When a man does not do this he becomes the epitome of ridicule and his wife may begin to dishonour him. However a caution is that when a wife dishonours her husband even on solid ground she may find herself dishonoured as well, which she should realise is a result of her attempts to dishonour her husband.
Mothers should be defended by husbands in front of their wives with subtle wisdom and wives should be defended infront of his parents by him with praiseworthy comments. When a mother sees her son happy with his wife (even if he is not) then she will behave amicably towards her daughter-in-law and when this happens the daughter-in-law will in turn be nicer to her in-laws …
A man should neither complain to his wife’s parents about her nor to his own parents - for this shows a lacking in his ability to manage his own affairs.