^** Bon**, I'm glad you posted about the victim outlook. Cuz that's what I was going to after I read her post.
Notorious........I want you to go back to your previous post on THIS thread and I want you read your statement, "That will be my life now." **Read your post **over and over again and see if you can't hear your the victim tone in them. Sometimes we're not aware of our own tone of voice that comes out in our own posts. But other people can detect it. And they have detected it. There is that underlying** "Hai, mai bechari, mai mazloom. Ab yeh hi zindagi hai meri"** tone to it. (Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh)
And ONCE again you brought up the people who accused you. I have a suggestion for you and I hope that you will take into serious consideration. I want you to go to your nearest Barnes & Noble Book Store on a day when the kids are at school and you are able to spend considerable time at the store. I want you to check out the book, Bad Childhood, Good Life by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. If you can't find it in the self-improvement aisle.....then ask a respresentative at the store to help you find it. If you don't want to buy that book, that's fine. But take that book to a table/chair in the store and read it. Not word for word. Skim through it and read the parts that apply to you. **After you're done, you'll feel LIBERATED! **Or check it out at from the public library and if they don't have it, ask them to home deliver it for you from one of their branches, it will cost u nothing.
This is a book that teaches people to MOVE ON **from **ALL TYPES OF BAD RELATIONSHIPS (abusive parents, siblings, spouse, etc). And one of the tips she mentions is to STOP bringing up the past and your accusers/offenders all time. Becuase the more you do it, the more you think about it, the more you'll be stuck in the life you're in. This book validates your pain........while giving you the strenghth to take control and move on. It tells you that your abusers are evil, that's the word the author uses.....EVIL! They're messed up.........they don't deserve your love and YOU don't need their approval. You should be saving your love and energy for the people who are giving you love (YOUR CHILDREN, for example). So read the book...........I have** TWO desi friend who read the book and finally found a great deal of peace among the emotional turmoil they were going through.........because **EVERYONE can RELATE to this book in some way or the other.
If you resign yourself to saying that "this is my life".........the guess what? THAT IS GOING TO BE YOUR LIFE. And it's such a DEFEATIST and PESSIMISTIC ATTITUDE. So I think one of two **things is going on here. EITHER you are READING WAY TOO FAR INTO EVERYONE'S COMMENTS and think that they are being "mean".........or maybe they really ARE being mean. If you are not sure that they are being mean, then give them the benefit of the doubt. And if you're **ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN they are being mean........then ditch them. Don't surround yourself with them. If they say anything, it should go in one ear and out the other.
There is one thing I've learned, Notorious. NOBODY likes the victimized attitude. The more you bring up your past...........I PROMISE/GUARANTEE YOU........people will walk away from you because they eventually get tired of negativity. They don't want to always hear about who accused you and how it affected you. They might listen patiently a few times, but then it turns them off. You know why? Well, its HUMAN NATURE.....negativity brings other people down!. Positivity is healthy. YOUR AWFUL PAST **shaped you into the strong independent individual you are today......so something good came from it. So stop complaining. The **IDIOTIC PEOPLE WHO ABUSED YOU IN THE PAST.....made you a strong woman today and from them you learned that you will never be like them and you will never treat your own kids the way they treated you. YOU ACTUALLY LEARNED VALUABLE LESSONS FROM THIS POOPY PAST YOU HAD. **And for that you can be grateful.......embrace your newfound strength.........and **STOP mentioning your accusers.
They've already robbed you of your sanity before.......don't give them the mental power of robbing your current life and freedom. And let me tell you something.........if you are STILL miserable because of them......then it's not their fault. It's YOUR fault.......because you keep thinking about them and bringing them up.......when you will ALWAYS have the choice NOT to think about them them and NOT to bring them up. They're NOT WORTH being mentioned! If they have truly wronged you.....let ALLAH take care of them.
WE ALL HAVE A PAST. EVERY PERSON DOES. And if they don't, then they'll encounter stupid and hurtful people along the way. We ALL have dealt with people who have such cheap mentalities and unjustly accuse us. But we don't have to think about it. YOU ARE YOUR OWN HEALER, notorious. Let me tell you something. If you're waiting for some magic wand that's going to take away your pain and allow you to move on, it's not gonna happen. You have to make the choice to not think about the past. Everytime bad memories come to your mind, push it way and think about the positive things in your life (your children, health, independence, freedom, future goals). And by doing that, the pain will lessen, and you will start to move on.
In one of your threads you mentioned how you have moved on. Well, I don't think so. Because you managed to bring up your accusers in a genital viewing thread.......and you managed to do it again in this thread. That's an indication that you're still haven't moved on. I will say that you've made an improvement because you're complaining A LOT LESS than when you first came to gupshup............but you're still bringing up "mean people" and "I was accused" when there's no need to. You've gotten better **and I've noticed that and give you credit for it........but you can do even more better.......and give **DEATH to your OFFENDERS.........by not bringing them up.
The other thing I've noticed about you is that everytime someone points out that your'e bringing up the past.........you DENY it. You say that's not what your doing. Guess what honey, that is what you're doing. Your past of accusations has nothing to do with viewing genitals. Be proud of the strong person that the past made you and forget about it. There will be mean people everywhere. But if someone is constantly being mean.........give them the boot. Several people have tried to tell you that you're playing the victim role and bringing up the past. And we're not doing this to be "mean" and we're not doing this to "accuse you". We take the time out of our lives to post long responses, not for our health, but with sincere intentions to help you open your eyes so that you can help yourself.
Don't say that "this is my life now".......it doesn't have to be your life. Create a better life. Don't say that "I need to get used to mean people".............NOBODY SHOULD EVER TRY TO GET USED TO MEAN PEOPLE..........you don't need to be around mean people and you don't need to put up with their behavior. Find better people. That's a healtheir attitude instead of having a victimized attitude. And please read Bad Childhood, Good Life by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
I do move on, but other people don't like it. They keep saying why isn't she avoiding anything and why is she normal now and happy, while back then this happened or that.
The accusations of the past are still in today. I'm still being accused of those same weird things. So though I have moved on, everyone around me hasn't.
But I enjoy nowadays whatever people do. I just laugh inside and keep reminding myself that at least Allah knows the truth. I'm just feeling happy again.
Still, I do think I should be able to handle more negative behaviour towards me. That's important in life and very necessary for everyone! Some people just get more meanness than other people. It's life.