There is this ad campaign going on in radio and television here, which encourages parents to keep constant tabs on the activities of their kids.. keep asking them where they went, who they meet, who are their friends, when will they come home, check their internet usage, snoop around their emails etc etc etc. Supposedly this will help cut down on drug use amongst kids, cigarette smoking, unwanted pregnancies, so on and so forth. Invariably the ad ends with the tag line “Its not pestering - Its parenting”.
While I don’t disagree with the basic premise of the ad campaign, especially in the culture of peer-pressure and “cool” attitude as defined in the society here, I am a bit curious as to how the parents draw the line between trusting their kids and being suspicious of them at all times. How will the relationship of parents and kids alter, when the kids realize that their parents are snooping around and questioning them about who their friends and what they are upto, at all times?
ever since i was a child my parents have always said “we trust you… you cant do anything wrong” lol.. which has preveted me from doing anything. They have never questioned my actions… i even tried to get some attention at times when i started listening to hardcore/demonic music … they werent worried a single bit … my dad started listening to similar music . The point is they had always given me full freedom and at the same time kept on asserting what my limits (guided my islamic and pakistani values) were passivley. Kept me from getting into trouble
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*Originally posted by Gamma Dilation: *
:) ever since i was a child my parents have always said "we trust you... you cant do anything wrong" lol.. which has preveted me from doing anything. The point is they had always given me full freedom and at the same time kept on asserting what my limits (guided my islamic and pakistani values) were passivley. Kept me from getting into trouble :)
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Its always been the same with me. & having so much trust has helped me to keep out of all the wrong things. having so much freedom & trust makes me very confident and makes me think before doing anything.
If parents are too protective of their kids and restrict them from alot of things and well,act as if they dont trust um,it has a bad affect, my friends parents were always around her,even if we were out,they'd be calling her,asking her why she was taking so much time,when she'l be home & what she was doing & blah blah,this had such a bad affect on her kay once she goes to me " so what if i do this,its not as if they trust me anyways and they probably think im upto this s*it anyways" & well,because there was no trust in their reltionship she didnt bother trying to act as if there was trust.
I went thru a similar upbringing. Parents, specially dad had a "hands-off" policy. He let us do anything and everything as long as we got good grades. Which luckily all of us did.
At times I feel some kind of guidance / strictness would have been better. I really don't know because I never got to see the opposite end of it.
I think I turned out pretty normal. Didn't do anything abnormal. But then again, whats normal to me may be abnormal to you.
My parents kept tabs on me always when I lived at home. I can tell you that it prevented me from doing a lot of "bad" things, because I felt I always had to be honest with my parents or else something bad would happen to me or something.
I'm glad they were very strict with me, otherwise Allah knows where I would have ended up in life. I intend on being strict with my kids. And I know that a lot of people object to it, but well, I'm going to do it anyway. smile
Hmmm... I think the main focus of the first post is parents who keep inquiring. The idea is alright, on first go. Kids with involved parents are less likely to get in trouble. If parents don't ask kids what they are up to, take little interest in their activites, both academic and social, kids are less likely to talk to them when they have an issue... e.g. when a friend insists that they should try cigarettes or 'make-out' with a girl or something similar. So, yes, parents who continually 'talk' to their kids, keep involved in their activities are more likely to catch the tell-tale signs of trouble.
The main question is what the borderline between 'talking' and 'nagging'? At what point the kids start thinking "hey, they are getting way too intrusive... I need my private space here"? I assume there will be a disconnect at that point between good/nobel intentions and the end result.
ok thisll sound like im complainin but seriously im not. i wish my parents were like urs gamma n other ppl like punjabi kuris. they dont let do anything. first i put it off that b/c we live in usa they were bein overprotective but my mom gets worse every day! i have absolutely no freedom!! i cant walk down the street even! it makes me sooooo mad b/c im goin into high school n its gonna b really hard. n those of u who r thinkin 'o shes 15 shes 2 young' ur wrong!! im not a 6 yr old kid who needs guidance at every turn!! i wish i could tell her 2 get off my back but she wont. ive tried talkin 2 her....she goes 'kyoun?' 'kyoun?' how am i supposed 2 explain that id rather go 2 the mall with my friends rather than my friggin bros n her. i told her its more fun wid my friends but nooooooooo she has 2 follow us. im scared 2 ask my friends 2 go sumwhere cuz i jus kno shell b lookin over my shoulder!! its makin me sooooooo mad and believe me ive considered runnin away!! mebe u all can tell me how 2 explain that i need sum spce??!?!?:(
And then ask her to register here too, so she can participate in discussions, like this. It will help both her and you to exchange views with people from the same back ground and facing similar issues as you are, and come out with workable solutions.
imjusme88 follow faisal bhais advice..and dont take it too hard,ur mother is just very keen to protect u from all the evil around you, she obviously thinks you are too young and maybe you are, wait till you are a bit older and then you can say that,im not a kid any more...no actually dont say that,but then you can talk to her about how you feel, make her meet all or most of your friends and if you can try to make your and your friends families interact, that will help her, if she is sure that your mates are good and you are not under bad influences when you are alone then she will probably start letting you have more freedom.
I have been lucky and my parents are more like my friends so i can talk to them about anything at any time, parents should know what you do when you are out and about, but if they try tofind out what you do every minute of the day,then that is nagging & that mostly makes the child less confident and the feeling of not having your parents trust has a very bad affect on the child.
ever since i was a child my parents have always said “we trust you… you cant do anything wrong” lol.. which has preveted me from doing anything. They have never questioned my actions… i even tried to get some attention at times when i started listening to hardcore/demonic music … they werent worried a single bit … my dad started listening to similar music 
. The point is they had always given me full freedom and at the same time kept on asserting what my limits (guided my islamic and pakistani values) were passivley. Kept me from getting into trouble