So many of you remember me. The crazy one. Well it’s been a while and I was going through a issue recently again and decided to ask on here.
Things are ok. I think I’m suffering from anxiety that’s what it seems to be. From my previous posts if you remember maybe you think the same.
So nothing big has happened. I’m back in Pakistan and working! !! I love my job here and I love the environment I work in. So I assumed that would be enough for me to feel better.
I do at times but still things mil says to me the littlest things bug me. Recently my husband had a row with his sister and his sister stopped talking to me and still soon talking properly to me I’m hurt thar she thought I filled his head or something. It really upset me because I felt we were genuine friends. And mil is always being petty. Like whys there so many dishes in the sink or why isn’t this in its right place or why isn’t that done that way blah blah blah and she never says anything to her daughter. I know it’s petty but it makes the environment negative and I feel at unease. Maybe my anxiety makes each situation seem worse. But I feel hatred towards mil and sil now.
My mil had issues with her leg and she had acupuncture daily this week and has Ben given some oil to apply on her legs which my husband applies. And I hate him tending to his mother. Why should he massages her why not her fave daugher or other son. Just these thoughts eat me up. The fact that he knows our issues makes me want my husband to complete ignore his mother and sil.
How can I tackle this.
Re: It’s me again! Come on advise pls
In restaurants when a patron is being mean people suspect that staff spits in their food. You don’t have anxiety they need to give respect to get respect.
Re: It’s me again! Come on advise pls
How long have you been working? Usually these little issues go away when you’re busy working. It helped me anyway.
Re: It’s me again! Come on advise pls
6 months!
Re: It’s me again! Come on advise pls
even when only two persons are living in the same house, they will have issues on small things like why certain things are not done this way or that way. That’s just so normal and you don’t need to fret over it too much.
on the fact that your husband is tending to his mothers needs, why don’t you look at it this way that he will be rewarded for it and if you make it easy for him then you will be rewarded too. Anyone getting more chances and time to tend to their parents needs are the blessed ones.
Re: It’s me again! Come on advise pls
It’s okay if you don’t like your MIL….that’s fine. But you should try to be just/fair in your dislike toward her. Your MIL has rights over your husband just as you also have rights over him. When your husband is giving his mother a massage, he is not violating or infringing upon your rights as wife. Tending to his unwell or hurt mother does not hurt your physical well-being or your livelihood, etc etc. It’s not an act of injustice, Nadz.
If your daughter was married and her husband disliked you to the point that he gets annoyed each time that your daughter decides to buy you something, or spends time with you, or tends to you when you’re ill….how would you feel? You may not think your MIL deserves this attention from your husband, but this not about your equation with her……this is about his equation/bond with his mom that existed way before he was even born and way before you entered his life.
My mom does not like my dad’s older brother and his wife….and understandably so. They have given my mom many a hard time. My siblings and I are not fond of them either. But we still remind our mom that she can’t prevent dad from keeping in contact with his brother and bhabi….from helping them…from maintaining decent relations to the best of his ability…especially when those actions are not infringing upon the rights of the wife and children. If you were to complain to your husband about him taking care of his mother, it will only turn him off. However, if you can find it within you to take care of her as well…or to at least enquire about her health…I think it will strengthen your relationship with him…even if it doesn’t change his mom’s attitude. And if you can’t manage that…..that’s fine too. Just keep yourself busy in other activities. Anxiety develops when we dwell and dwell and dwell on the same issue. But if we turn our attention to another task….the anxiety diminishes.
Re: It’s me again! Come on advise pls
most of the time the anxiety develops when MIL has been v rude to Bahu in the past. and I think thats what ur case is all about.
well try to avoid ur husband-mil relationship and get urself busy in some activities.
Re: It’s me again! Come on advise pls
May be u r suffering from anxiety. Talk to doctor. U dd hv fear of driving too
Re: It’s me again! Come on advise pls
^I’ve had anxiety disorder as well…so I’m not trying to downplay it or invalidate it. But it’s one thing to feel anxious about …let’s say…a boss or a coworker giving you a hard time…because that’s something out of your control. Even a phobia of driving or public speaking…I can understand. But taking care of an unwell family member…is not infringing upon your health or your livelihood or your safety. That’s something that one is just building up inside their own head for no valid reason…no other reason but a grudge and possibly jealousy.
Re: It’s me again! Come on advise pls
One option you have is to check your diet:
Research over the past two decades has revealed that gut health is critical to overall health, and that an unhealthy gut contributes to a wide range of diseases including diabetes, obesity, rheumatoid arthritis, autism spectrum disorder, depression and chronic fatigue syndrome.
Re: It’s me again! Come on advise pls
Why are you back in Pakistan? Do you miss the UK? Maybe that’s why you are anxious.
Re: It’s me again! Come on advise pls
Keep yourself busy in activities that you like and the only other thing you can learn to do is to consciously make an effort to ignore anything that MIL, SIL say. These relationships in Pakistan can hardly be friends . So just maintain a respectful , workable relationship with them, ignore the rude stuff they are saying and just dont answer back . initially it might seem difficult to ignore them . But eventually you will see that ignoring them and maintaining a respectful distance will iron out all the unnecessary encounters .
Even if MIL is complaining about things , let her . You do what you gotta do . keep calm. Do things at your pace. If a chore isnt disrupting anybody’s life in your family then it doesnt matter how quickly it gets done . For example , dishes in the sink . Ok , so you want to wash them later in the night. MIL wants it done now. Say it once calmly that you wil deal with it shortly and then do it as per your plan. Dont let others get on your nerves .
Eventually things will iron out as expectations get set .
Re: It’s me again! Come on advise pls
focus on your job and your kids…ignore the rest of the things…consider them noise.
Re: It’s me again! Come on advise pls
You need some medical help. May God bless you.
Re: It’s me again! Come on advise pls
Hoaw comes kaamwali naat washing dashes nsync? 