Itni Narmi Se Teri Yaad Mujhe Chhuti Hai..

_Masoom_Muskaan · September 12, 2007, 2:41pm

Re: Itni Narmi Se Teri Yaad Mujhe Chhuti Hai..

ache he hoge :)

chacha_Ghalib · September 12, 2007, 4:10pm

Re: Itni Narmi Se Teri Yaad Mujhe Chhuti Hai..

bhai honestly to aap ki baaqi shairi say kam darjay par lagi hai mujhe...
aakhri misray main lafz 'pe' ki bajaay 'main' zayada munasib hota... khaak main rolna muhawara hai.

waisy nazul kay baad uss pay ghour-o-fikar aur uss ki islah karnay pay koi pabandi nahin hai :)

hope you won't mind a critical post in all the wah wah

Omar_Faraz · September 12, 2007, 4:58pm

Re: Itni Narmi Se Teri Yaad Mujhe Chhuti Hai..

I mostly see wah wahs here. It's refreshing to see a good crit today. And I am sure any mature poet will welcome it, except those who consider themselves the only great poets left in this world and cannot bear a crit by calling it a personal attack.

I liked this poem even though khaak main rolna Urdu main ek muhawara -cliche- hai. The poem gives you warm feelings of love. I am considering translating this poem into English and do not know how to render this cliche into English. A foreign cliche tranforms into some new way of expression in English when translated. Any suggestions?

chacha_Ghalib · September 12, 2007, 5:05pm

Re: Itni Narmi Se Teri Yaad Mujhe Chhuti Hai..

^ naan bhai... hum to bas tooti phooti angraizi say kaam chalatay hain, kahan ye kay urdu shaeiri ko translate karin... ye hamary bas say bahir hai

waisy aik baat kahon omar sahib... aap translate karnay say pehlay shair say ijazat lai liya kijiey

redidentity · September 13, 2007, 4:52am

Re: Itni Narmi Se Teri Yaad Mujhe Chhuti Hai..

thnx Ghalib jee :)

pata hai.. i was also tinking over that k 'main' hona chaheay.. :) mainay jab ghar jaker dekha tha to 'main' he likha hai mainay diary main.. :)

thnx for pointing out :)

Shumaisa · September 13, 2007, 6:39am

Re: Itni Narmi Se Teri Yaad Mujhe Chhuti Hai..

lol.. Aap ko hota kia ja raha hai, sab kuch theek to haii na ??

Buhat achi likhi hai.. gud gud :k:

redidentity · September 13, 2007, 6:45am

Re: Itni Narmi Se Teri Yaad Mujhe Chhuti Hai..

thnx Shumaisa..

umm.. kuch to hua hai.. kuch hogaya hai :)

GuL-e-Tasbeeh · September 13, 2007, 7:24am

Re: Itni Narmi Se Teri Yaad Mujhe Chhuti Hai..

Nice one :-)
Issi zameen meiN aik poem hey, sung by Mehdi hasan, mein ney dekha hey k jab meri zubaaN dolti hey Shaairi sach bolti hey:~)

redidentity · September 13, 2007, 7:38am

Re: Itni Narmi Se Teri Yaad Mujhe Chhuti Hai..

Jee.. Qateel Shifai ka kalaam hai Wo.. :)

Thnx :)

Mahee · September 14, 2007, 4:07am

Re: Itni Narmi Se Teri Yaad Mujhe Chhuti Hai..

simple and nice :)

but last sheir k aakhri misrey mein thori galti hai.

** "Meri Mehboob, Mujhe Khaak Main Kion Rolti Hai" **

Urdu mein word 'mehboob' use hota hai male k lye aur female k lye word 'mehbooba'. magar yahan aap ney 'mehboob' female k lye use kya hai na k male k lye :) agar aap is misrey mein word 'janaan' use karein gey to ye zada theek lagey ga. it would sound more correct.

** "Meri Janaa'n mujhey khaak mein kion rolti hai" **

hope u won't mind my suggestion :)

redidentity · September 14, 2007, 4:11am

Re: Itni Narmi Se Teri Yaad Mujhe Chhuti Hai..

Thnx Mahee..

nahi mind kernay wali koi baat hai he nahi.. :)

Magar mera dil Janaa'n ki taraf nahi ja raha.. dont know kion :$

Mahee · September 14, 2007, 4:32am

Re: Itni Narmi Se Teri Yaad Mujhe Chhuti Hai..

:)

how about 'sajni'?

it's totally up to u to decide. i m not forcing u to change the word :)

khush rahein aur isi terhan acha likhtey rahein :)

redidentity · September 14, 2007, 4:35am

Re: Itni Narmi Se Teri Yaad Mujhe Chhuti Hai..

:)..

thnx :)

pata kia.. sajni word meray mizaaj main nahi hai :(

sunny_nicky · September 14, 2007, 11:36am

Re: Itni Narmi Se Teri Yaad Mujhe Chhuti Hai..

such nice

redidentity · September 15, 2007, 4:28am

Re: Itni Narmi Se Teri Yaad Mujhe Chhuti Hai..

thnx sunny :)