Very Interesting article taht i picked up on my travels …
It Ain’t Easy Being An Asian Woman
Y’know, it ain’t easy being an Asian woman. No really, with all the talk about forced marriages, independence struggles, identity crises, the Asian babe phenomenon and all the sleazy implications that follow that last one (need I elaborate!).
The cross that each one of us has to bear is a heavy one. Indeed, the road is a long and bumpy one. Why is it, I find myself asking, that coming up to the end of the Millennium, shortly after the deep soul-searching that Britain has had to do following the Stephen Lawrence inquiry, with so many ‘liberals’ around, so much information available and the embracing of a multicultural, multi-faith Britain - why, oh why, do we STILL get asked the proverbial question - “So, are you going to have an arranged marriage ?”
Put your hands up if you’re an Asian woman who hasn’t been asked that question at least once in your lifetime. Hmm, just as I suspected… Sadly, it can often be the opening line for many a white male hoping to corrupt the innocence within those Big, Dark, Long-lashed, Doe-eyes. And the response, these days, is often awkward laughter, an embarrassed grimace or just a blunt “get with the times mate…”
Yes, before you all start sending frantic emails saying I’m selling out or the like, I know that many of us do opt for the “we’ll- find-you-a-nice-boy-betay” option and I’d like to point out right here, right now, that there’s ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. It worked for many of our fore-parents and many of our friends, sisters, brothers etc. etc. That is not where my objection lies.
What offends me is how that is the label by which we are defined. The girls that DO and the girls that DON’T (In western terms that means something else altogether but remember you are logged into the Network Asia website). The stereotypes go something like this: the girls who accept - no sorry, are FORCED to accept - the arranged marriage option are therefore meek, submissive and too traditional to truly ever integrate into mainstream life in Britain.
The other stereotype is the one of girls who spurn and reject this age-old tradition. Girls who go against their parents wills, risk the wrath of the Asian community, are independent, westernised, rebellious had five boyfriends (three were white) by the time they were 15, blah blah blah. Those are deemed to be the only two categories of the lot of Asian women.
[buzzer] Wrong! Try again. In reality - and it does bite so watch your hands serial stereotypers - the categories and lines are blurred beyond recognition. Amongst my own friends for instance, there are those who won’t be having an arranged marriage because perhaps their parents can’t be bothered with the responsibility. Plus there are those career women who just want to settle down with the right man from the same community for cultural, linguistic or religious reasons but aren’t having too much luck: “where are all the good men” they often ask. There are also those who say “forget marriage, the single life suits me” Then there are also many who are introduced to guys through family, friends, colleagues etc. and take it from there in the form of assisted marriages and so on. At each end and in between these, the categories are many.
So please, for our sanity, stop defining us in these over-simplistic ways. I hope this message has resonance outside and within the Asian community (as we’re often the worst culprits). The modern independent Asian career girl exists in many forms and often she could be the same girl who’s traveled around the world, chosen an unconventional job yet makes a great chapatti, reads and writes Punjabi and insists her parents find her their future ‘damaat’.
So let the truth be told. We reserve the right to fit within, sit outside and subvert every stereotype of Asian women you could ever dream up.