Maidens and Warriors
By Israel Shamir
It is not much fun to be a Muslim in the West today. Not even to be taken
for one. I felt it on my own skin while flying into the US. A Mediterranean
man with mustachio complete, I was asked by the US customs officer whether I
read Koran a lot. A chewing gum wrapping paper with a comic strip suggested
to the officer an instruction to pray on board the plane, probably to call
Allahu Akbar and attack the crew. 'You are up to no good', he concluded. I
was taken aback. Our Palestinian brothers and we Israelis are facially quite
similar; I was often taken for a Palestinian by both sides, but I did not
expect the US immigration to copycat Israeli Border Police.
Should I say plainly, 'I am not a Muslim', occurred to me. It did not seem
fair. In occupied Denmark of 1940, Germans ordered the Jews to wear the
yellow Star of David. The king of Danes wore such a star as a sign of his
solidarity with his Jewish subjects. Would I fail this test of common
humanity and proclaim my non-Muslim kosher origin? It would feel like
sacrificing a Muslim in my stead. I tried to compromise: 'I do not read
Koran a lot', said I. The officer Gomez, a big dark man, did not relent.
'But you read Koran?' 'Occasionally', I tried again. This pusillanimous
response was a beginning of my undoing. I was searched, verbally abused;
every piece of my luggage was checked and double-checked.
The personal affront did not matter. In 1812, a French soldier on the
streets of occupied Moscow turned back Pierre Bezuchov, a Russian nobleman
in Tolstoy's War and Peace. 'The soldier had stopped my immortal soul',
thought Bezuchov, and laughed. St Francis of Assisi found even more joy at
being refused entry to a monastery one cold and rainy night. A go of
humiliation is good for the soul, he explained to his sidekick St Bernard.
It was more upsetting to see Islam as the accused in Judeo-American culture.
In the US newspapers and on the Internet, theological debates are back in
vogue with vengeance after an eight hundred years lull, as subtle as ever.
Even good friends of Muslims began to hesitate, as the powerful brainwashing
machine began to produce its hateful output. Islam is accused of being the
faith of Jihad, the permanent war with infidels, of intolerance and cruelty,
of providing theological basis for terrorism. The allegations do not stop at
politics.
The semi-literate Crusaders of 12th century accused the Muslims of having
orgies in front of their divinity, Baphomet (probably corrupted name of the
Prophet). The latest frontal attack on Islam in the American public opinion
also has amusing sexual overtones. An appeal to bomb the hell out of
Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, and Palestine usually contains a weighty
disapproval of the Prophet's sexual mores and of alleged Muslim ill
treatment of their womenfolk.
II
Love of the Prophet to his youngest wife, Aisha, causes much consternation
in America; almost fifty years after the US Supreme Court removed the ban of
that ode to underage love, Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita. For the prude
accusers, it does not matter that Muhammad, peace upon him, was in love with
the girl, as she with him. They know better what is good for everybody. If
the Prophet would choose a boy of Aisha's age, one feels that fear of
homophobia would soften the blows. But the Prophet was a man of Catholic
tastes.
A modest Talmudic scholar from Jaffa, I would rise to his defence in the
name of our Jewish tradition. Far from being a sinner, Muhammad (peace upon
him) acted according to the letter and spirit of our holy faith. Biblical
Jacob fell in love with Rachel, 7, and brought forth a line of saints
including Mary, mother of Christ.
Talmud stipulates the permitted age of marriage for girls at three years and
one day. It brings us a dialogue worthy of Boccacio that took place in
Sephoris of Galilee. A Roman princess Justine, daughter of Emperor Sever son
of Anthony asked Rabbi Judah the Prince, the greatest spiritual and legal
authority of Jews in post-Biblical period, what is the permitted age of
marriage and cohabitation.
-
Three years and one day, - replied the Rabbi.
-
What is the age for childbearing, - persisted the Princess.
-
Nine years*, - he replied.
-
I was married at six, and gave birth at seven, - she reflected
with great regret, - so I wasted in vain three excellent years of my young
life.
Muhammad's wife, Aisha, wasted six years of her young life, as she was wed
at nine. Thus, the Prophet demonstrated great prudence, also in full
accordance with our Jewish teachings. Our holy Rabbis permitted very early
marriage, but they were not absolutely sure that three-year old girls are
sufficiently ripe. They taught: proselytes and paedophiles delay the Coming
of Messiah and Kingdom of Heaven.
Who are the paedophiles in this context, asked the Talmud. They have to be
persons of legitimate but objectionable behaviour, and therefore, not the
sodomites (as they deserve death by stoning) nor masturbators (they merit
watery grave). It is those who marry girls before the nubile age of nine.
Thus, the Prophet is above suspicion according to our Jewish law.
He had a few wives, continue the accusers. Well, the Jewish law permits us
to have as many wives as we can get. Nowadays, a Muslim has to limit himself
to four wives in this world, but we Jews have no such constrictions.
The presumed barbarous Muslim custom of veiling women and keeping them away
from a stranger's lusty eye annoys the accusers. An avid reader of
Washington Post would assume that the US attacked Afghans just to bomb the
veil away. As the first fruit of American victory in Afghanistan, CNN
presented sale of smut in smitten Kabul.
Here again, our Jewish law firmly stands on the side of the Talibs. A
Talmudic sage, Rabbi Isaac taught: if one gazes at the little finger of a
woman, it is as if he gazed at her you-know-what! (Do not confuse it with
You-Know-Who of Harry Potter) Rabbi Hisda wistfully said: a woman's leg is
also quite an incitement. Rabbi Sheshet improved on him, reminding that a
woman's hair is a sexual incitement. That is why pious Jewish women don the
wig. And the master of oneupmanship, Samuel, upstaged him saying, a woman's
voice is a sexual incitement, as the Holy Writ quoth, 'sweet is thy
voice'.
The conclusion of the debate was the rule kvod bat ha-melech pnima, meaning
a good Jewish woman should stay indoors.
III
Enemies of Islam would not dare to attack our Jewish faith though all
features of Islam they profess to dislike could be found in Judaism. It
concerns not only sexual matters. Jihad is but an Arab translation of the
Jewish concept of Milhemet Mitzva, the Commanded (or Preordained) War.
Though in jihad, one is not allowed to kill civilians, while in milhemet
mitzvah, one is commanded to do so. Look up your Pentateuch and you will
find it there, without an effort. The Messenger, peace upon him, softened
his Message.
If you think Islam is intolerant, let me quote you the story written by
'the
perfect sage and excellent doctor of medicine R. Samuel Sholem in
Constantinople, capital of the great King, our ruler, mighty Sultan Suleiman
' about Rabbi Gaon Isaac Campanton (d. 1463), the chief rabbi of the
Castilian community, the most enlightened Jewish community of all times. He
writes, 'the great Rabbi, his honorable R. Isaac Campanton burned Rabbi
Samuel Sarsa at the stake. Once, Rabbis gathered to announce a marriage
contract. They read "such and such year since the Creation of the
world",
and this Sarsa fellow placed his hand on his beard and alluded to the
world'
s existence since time immemorial. The Rabbi Campanton rose to his feet and
exclaimed, 'Why the bush isn't consumed?[1] Let the bush burn!' They
sentenced him to death by burning because he denied Creation of the World
5000 years ago, and burned him at the stake'.