As some will already know I am Mashallah pregnant with our first baby. We’re super excited, and yup have nervous moments too but so far Mashallah everything has gone well.
For some reason the other day I got thinking about my childhood and describing it as topsy-turvy maybe an understand. Unfortunatley my parents went through a nasty break up which resulted in me losing contact with all of my fathers side of my family-including half brothers and so on.
After the break up we moved closer to mums uncle and his kids-great a new family. Unfortunatley everytime there was a fallout between the cousins I would no longer have any family around. Back to square one, noone to play with, noone to talk to of my own age, no friends outside school etc etc. Eids etc were pretty upsetting when it was just mum and I, as a kid I didn’t understand why we’d always end up alone on days like Eid, of course there was nothing I could of done to change this.
Don’t get me wrong, my mum has done a great job bringing me up-she managed to bring me up really well which is something I’m always grateful for.
Now I’m pregnant I’ve realised that as far as family goes in the UK I have my mum and husband-no other extended family. None of my aunts/uncles/grandparents deal with me, and I certainly wouldn’t be welcome in their homes, and looking back at my childhood there were many times when I was lonely, especially on days as I said like Eid. Will my child/children have phases of their lives they’ll look back on and see the lonliness too? Maybe I’m just hormonal? Is it really important to have extended family around?
Is there anyone on here of GS that doesn’t have extended family around at all and how do you tackle things like Eid/Birthdays/and so on?
Someone once said to me friends cannot replace family, as friends have their own family so are not interested in replacements.
Gosh, I feel down.
Sorry for the rant, I guess parenthood seems really scary.
I don’t know what to say princess… but I have seen family-like friends, it’s not impossible. Also not everyone has large families, there are people with very small family set ups even if they are not separated etc.. You can always have fun with your own family, plus I guess you are the only child but inshAllah your kid will have siblings so they’ll be there. And anyway families are overrated, don’t worry too much about it.
awww… princess for you.
We don’t have any extended family near us but we have lots of friends, so special occasions like Eid, Birthdays, etc. are a lot of fun and a lot of work too :p.
Just make a lot of friends (don’t have any expectations though) and have 3-4 kids , your kids will not be lonely. Siblings are the best anyways, no friend can replace them, so please have as many kids as you can
You have a quote from the Quran in your signature line telling you to be patient in adversity. Do you believe it? Because this is adversity. You have to be patient.
It's great to have lots of family in your life and your child's life. But that doesn't mean that you won't have a rich, fulfilling life without it. You can. You just have to work for it. By work, I mean getting out there...making quality friends, taking part in activities, doing volunteer work, finding a job, spending quality time with hubby and child, etc. By doing this, you'll create your own interesting, happy world and you'll be an example to your child on how to live well. And this, Inshallah, is the example he'll follow in creating his OWN happy life. He won't be lonely.
As for the depression you have about your family situation, it's understandable. No one has the power to hurt us quite like our own blood, right? But here's the thing...do you really want such people in your child's life? People who will "drop" a child because of a disagreement with his parents? Is that the lesson you want your kid to learn...the lesson of, "I don't like you anymore so I'm not gonna speak to you and I'm gonna tell my friends and family not to speak to you or YOUR family." That's schoolyard bulls*** and it happens all too often in my opinion. You don't want to have a lot to do with these people. But they are you family...so always be civil and kind, but don't have any expectations of them. The only one you should expect anything from is Allah.
When my father first moved here and eventually when Ammi came when they were married, there was very little family around. They had a lot of good friends, mostly desi, who were like family. They were the ones who were around to laugh and cry with them through daily struggles. Their kids are like my cousins and we are all still very close, mashAllah.
I'm sorry you have such a tough situation with your family; but don't feel like your child is losing out. You can meet people and create a nice, close circle of Muslim (and non-Muslim) friends and family. For the cultural/religious companionship, start at your local mosque or community center.
, your kids will not be lonely. Siblings are the best anyways, no friend can replace them, so please have as many kids as you can 