my mother’s nephews and brothers think all women should work in the house. and just in the household only.
they don’t like it when they wear clothing that slightly attribute to western/male clothing such as jeans for work.
they believe all women should ALWAYS cover up when they are around. i don’t technically wear the hijab and neither does some of my aunts, but when i don’t my mom gets all pissed at me and says i’ll get the whipping of my life.
this had happened in pakistan and now i’m in the USA where i’m more liberal. i disagree with all the things my mother thinks about: no jeans on girls, they should ALWAYS learn to clean and cook, be a housewife, etc.
i don’t plan to be a housewife. my mother NEARLY put me into a home economics school where i was to learn about cooking and cleaning. AND THIS WAS BY FORCE. my mom didn’t want me to start 2 or 3 months of the 9th grade before i left for the US even though i wanted to. thank GOD my father stopped her, because he believed i should go to school instead of that BS school my mom tried to force me into going. even most of her family’s side did not like my decision. i tend to be tomboyish but i DO have femininity and i believe that not all women should be housewives.
my mom’s desi equation of life goes like this, in general:
Kid → grows up, wears anything she wants → stops her daughter in wearing JEANS, JEANS FOR GOD’S SAKE, in Pakistan in fear she would get in trouble with the family -_- → gets married → drop out of any education facility by force —> Raise a family and make sandwiches for the husband.
i believe in getting married, but i don’t believe in becoming a housewife, especially if i don’t want to. i have a phobia that my mother may repeat this situation again if i ever go to pakistan and it greatly annoys me
Why is it so hard for girls to co-operate with their parents on tiny little things like wearing jeans in pakistan? I was asked the same by my mother and I didn't make a big deal out of it, i understood why she asked.
Forcing me to join a course of her choice? Thats where I'd stand up for myself. Like u did.
My mother is really very strict but i have never felt that she is being sexist because she has never taken away from me my god-given rights such as choice of education, career etc,... wearing jeans, however, isn't really a god-given right so I'd be ok if mom requests me not to wear it in certain places and I would understand if she asked me to cover up.
If your mother (or others) take away these rights from you just because ur a girl, then yes, it is being sexist and you should speak up for urself.
*Everything else? Yes, it is. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's the desi mentality that allows boys to be treated like princes that can do no wrong, and girls to be kept in a cage. (Yes I am that cynical!) Really, there isn't anything you can do. Try to talk to your dad, get him on your side, but always remember to keep your cool. *
oh, trust me. I am 21 and my mom still tells me wat to wear to family gatherings cuz she doesn't want ppl talking sh*t... I dont understand why our desi mothers r so afraid of wat people will think and say... I am srsly not going to act like this with my daughter.
Abt wearing jeans in Pak. Forget that, girls in Karachi wear caprice with sleeveless tops. I have even seen short skirts.......... My fiance's cousins from karachi have pics up on facebook from their bday parties and they have their guy frdz over at their houses. Their parents know n really don;t care... I know back in high school my parents knew I had guy frdz and living in Canada, I was not allowed to have them over at my house and chill with me in my room.. this is how ppl r in Pakistan.. and I am not talking abt everyone.
I agree with Sara- I had similar sentiments when I was in my teens. My mom would sometimes pressure me to learn housework, always be dressed up, and keep my stuff neat and tidy just b/c I'm a girl. Even if I wanted to do it initially, her telling me to made me want to do it less and I resented doing it. But after I lived away from home, I enjoyed cooking and learning new recipes and making dishes that people compliment me on (although you may never enjoy cooking). I also didn't want to look like the unfeminine messy girl in front of my friends, so I cleaned up my act. I think I didn't MIND doing these things, i just minded being TOLD to do them, or having someone EXPECT me to do them.
Anyway, about the jeans- sometimes people do talk. And your mom is just trying to protect you from it. Sometimes parents get paranoid too- fear that people will "talk" about a very insignificant thing, and it can come with a change like moving to a different place where the expectations are unfamiliar or even from finally accepting that their little girl has grown up.
Unrelated, though it may help- I think there's even a story from the ancient greek times where like some father was worried about how the next generation was going astray or something like that. You know the whole "bache bigargai" (i dont know if its the right term?) - its a universal feeling of all parents.
You'll grow out of the resentment, and your mom will get more reasonable after she gets adjusted to your independence. Fighting about it will only increase her fear that you are gonna turn into a tattoo-baring, overpierced goth that will run away with a white boyfriend lol.
I laughed out loud at making sandwiches for the husband.
I feel bad for you, your mom sounds pretty backward, it's a good thing you're in the US now where your mom can't force you to do anything. I don't understand why some parents just don't trust their kids, inherently they don't trust their own abilities as parents. If a parent is confident that he/she has done a good job teaching their kid right from wrong, they should be OK with giving their kids some trust and letting them make their own mistakes.
I can't WAIT for my daughter to become an angst ridden teen and make my life miserable.
Er. Girls in pakistan may wear jeans but the family and type of people they associate with, may not wear them. What's so hard to understand about that?
I laughed out loud at making sandwiches for the husband.
I feel bad for you, your mom sounds pretty backward, it's a good thing you're in the US now where your mom can't force you to do anything. I don't understand why some parents just don't trust their kids, inherently they don't trust their own abilities as parents. If a parent is confident that he/she has done a good job teaching their kid right from wrong, they should be OK with giving their kids some trust and letting them make their own mistakes.
I can't WAIT for my daughter to become an angst ridden teen and make my life miserable.
You were them in the west because everybody does, so you have to adjust.
Then why cant the same girls wear shalwar kameez in Pakistan beacuse everybody does wear it there. Dont want to adjust there? Not affraid of being in the middle of attention in Pakistan?
