Ok, here’s a problem with a close friend of mine. She is 26, going to turn 27 this year. Like a typical girl, she too does have dreams of getting married & having a family of her own. But the problem is that, her parents aren’t even bothered to think of getting her married!!! She has an older brother and nothing much can be said about him as he himself is so irresponsible that it’s been around one and a half years and he is still unemlpoyed, & his parents and this girl are currently looking after him and his wife and kids, and according to her, he is unempoyed as he is expecting money from his parents to start a new business . Anyhow, the older brother being like this, she says she doesn’t really have any expectations/hopes from him. But the problem is that, her dad and brother sometimes taunt her that she is getting older but still she is unmarried . Hearing that, she tells them that it is their responsility to get her married and since they aren’t able to fulfill it well, they should question themselves instead of her as of why she is still unmarried. On hearing that, they usually tell her that if she is so eager to get married, then she can go ahead and get married to anyone without even asking them. Well, she is a mature girl and she doesn’t want to do anything stupid like marrying secretly. Moreover, her dad isn’t someone who is a welcoming person, so there were families who have been scared of approaching them to ask for her hand. Also, as she is a working girl, she has come across guys/families who have asked her to give contact nos of her parents so as to approach them with proposal but she is scared.
In such a case, what is a possible solution for her? Well, I feel sorry for her. Isn’t it weird the way her dad & brother’s mentality & thoughts are?
If this is in Pakistan it is rather strange. Btw a similar thing happened to me (though I am a guy)
A couple of days back I jokingly asked my mom to start looking for a girl for me as I want to get married. She said have you found someone or like someone from Uni/work. I said no but was I supposed to look myself? and she said offcourse! Go find one yourself and if you fail then come to me :D
She should ask her parents that if a guy/ family requests her family's contact details for sending the proposal, should she give them the details. She should have a discussion with her family on what she should do in such situation and make them prepared for receiving proposals. If they are unwilling to receive any proposals, there should be some elder in the family like grandparent etc whom she can approach for this.
Sounds like there are quite a few problems in that situation. The family, particularly the parents are putting all their focus and energy on their son and his family, which is ofcourse important (especially since the son isn't able to support his family at the moment). However, they shouldn't neglect their daughter because she is "of age" to get married, and most importantly, she sounds like she's ready to get married. They seem too preoccupied mentally to be putting in effort to get her rishta done somewhere. They shouldn't just tell her to marry someone without asking them, what kind of parent says that? I think that particular sentence was probably said in anger...they have to have the least bit of concern for their daughter. What I would suggest is that your friend sit down and talk to her parents so they SERIOUSLY start thinking of her future and not just their sons present state. Sometimes with parents like these they need a push from family members/friends, so your friend should talk to a close trustworthy adult who knows her parents and tell them to focus on their daughter and perhaps be a bit more social and approachable so the girl gets rishtas. Lastly, your friend should start looking on her own too. She doesn't have to run away and get married, but there's no harm in finding someone yourself then telling your parents.
I dont think my parents were serious about looking for me for a while; I got some of my great aunts involved when I went to Pakistan and they agreed parents should be looking, so they called my parents and had a talk…
Her father’s reaction is pretty shocking though. I can get a brother not looking out for his sister - our society is filled with these nikammay, but the father of all people should be SUPER concerned about a rishta for his daughter! No?
I would think so.
Oh well.
I say, get on your own two feet woman, and look for a man yourself. It’s hard though. Desi guys have little idea on how to conduct any courtship, and they are often not serious.
Yes, now she says there’s someone who recently approached her to give her parents’ no so that he can send his parents to her home, and he is someone she likes as well, but now, she is scared & has no idea how can things get started.
If people are being lazy and are not interested in your life, your future, or your success, why would you wait around for them to help you? Obviously these are not people willing to take an initiative. So why expect it of them. Tell her start meeting potential rishtas through others.
If people are being lazy and are not interested in your life, your future, or your success, why would you wait around for them to help you? Obviously these are not people willing to take an initiative. So why expect it of them. Tell her start meeting potential rishtas through others.
Meeting potential rishtas aren't the problem for her. The problem is, no one from her family/home is interested to meet people who may want to come to their home with proposals.
Meeting potential rishtas aren't the problem for her. The problem is, no one from her family/home is interested to meet people who may want to come to their home with proposals.
Well, she is a mature girl and she doesn't want to do anything stupid like marrying secretly. Moreover, her dad isn't someone who is a welcoming person, so there were families who have been scared of approaching them to ask for her hand. Also, as she is a working girl, *she has come across guys/families who have asked her to give contact nos of her parents so as to approach them with proposal but she is scared.
*
In such a case, what is a possible solution for her? Well, I feel sorry for her. Isn't it weird the way her dad & brother's mentality & thoughts are?
If her mother is alive and well, her mother should be taken into confidence to take up the responsibility of being the person who is approached by boy's families and then once approached her mum can forward info and proposals to dad in a tactful manner and prepare him for the visit
Meeting potential rishtas aren't the problem for her. The problem is, no one from her family/home is interested to meet people who may want to come to their home with proposals.
That sucks. She's going to have to find another elder int he family to help her. No point waiting around for these people.
. Anyhow, the older brother being like this, she says she doesn’t really have any expectations/hopes from him. But the problem is that, her dad and brother sometimes taunt her that she is getting older but still she is unmarried 
