wooh khayal , kahan raha hoon ab
mein usay ab . sochnna be muhaal hoon
jisay hijaar milaa hai , jawab mein
mein woh Ishq ka Ek sawal hoon
jis parh kay mursid woh tah bana
mein wohii tu ismay Jaalal hoon
mujay Apni aankh say tou daik tu
mein tayra he husanay Jamal hoon
jo mohabat pay mayre tah aagaaya
mein wooh ap waqat’ay zawal hoon
kee’ay ishq mein hain woh muja’eday
kay mein ab shairi mein Abdaal hoon
(Aliyish)
Re: Ismay Jaalaal
nice poem, Aliyish.
Re: Ismay Jaalaal
thanks , warna hum samjay thay kay apna bee ghalib saa haaal ho.chala hai kay '' aapnaa kaha hum ap samjaain yea khudaa samjaay '
Re: Ismay Jaalaal
Don't mean to be negative, but the poem is "out of wazn." For example, Abdaal and Jalaal do not rhyme so much. Jalaal and Malaal do.
Re: Ismay Jaalaal
haha :) i like it mate ! tell me something more about Oozaan
wazan mein liknay ki kartay hain mujh say farmaish
goyeem mushkil wa gaar na goyeeem mushkil !
Re: Ismay Jaalaal
ramyssysIX kay comments pay Ap kia kahtay hain Anu bahi ?
Re: Ismay Jaalaal
jisay hijaar milaa hai , jawab mein mein woh Ishq ka Ek sawal hoon
mujay Apni aankh say tou daik tu mein tayra he husanay Jamal hoon
jo mohabat pay mayre tah aagaaya mein wooh ap waqat'ay zawal hoon
(Aliyish)
Very nice :-)
Re: Ismay Jaalaal
yeh kia misra hay ..mere zara nahi palay per raha ..is ko nasar main ker kay bataain naraz
Re: Ismay Jaalaal
Don't mean to be negative, but the poem is "out of wazn." For example, Abdaal and Jalaal do not rhyme so much. Jalaal and Malaal do.
yeh kia misra hay ..mere zara nahi palay per raha ..is ko nasar main ker kay bataain naraz
agreed
Re: Ismay Jaalaal
grand, nice 
Re: Ismay Jaalaal
agreed
yeh kia misra hay ..mere zara nahi palay per raha ..is ko nasar main ker kay bataain naraz
Agar Aj say kuch saal phaylay kissi nay mujhay mayray likay howay shaair ki tasreeh karnay kaha hota tu . shayad mein yea kah kay aagay barja'ta kay !
Na saata.ish ki Tamanaa na silaay ki Parwaa
Nah sahee Gaar mayray Asshaar mein Maani na sahii
Lakin Yousfi shaab ki likii how eek baat yaad ahe kay ‘ jo shaair bayaak’waqt sab ki saamj ajay woo sab kuch hosaktah hai , shaair nahii ‘ .
Chuna.chay yeahii qoal is baat ki daleel hai kay meray iss zayray bayhees shair mein kuch tu chez shairaana hai !
Ap nay agar parveen ki wo ghazal ‘ chalnay ka hoslaa nahii , rukna muhaal kardi.aaa ‘ pari ho tu is shair ko samjnay mein aassaani rahay gee . Shayad ap hazrat Ahlay zuban nahe hain ( yea baat mein kissi laasani tasub’ kay baghair kah raha hoon) warna shayad tashree ki zaroorat paaish nahee athe .
Aksaar log ap ko shikaayat kartay milaan gay kay ‘ is garmi nay tu jeena muhaal kardia hai ‘ . mayray shair ka muhaal be kuch aysa hee hai . Mein ushay Sochna be ab muhaal hoon ka matlaab saaaf waazay hai kay wooh ( shair ka farzi mehboob) zindagii ki chaaki mein kuch aysay piiss raha hai kay mujhay sochna ko us kay pass ek pal bii nahi . tu mein yun ushay sochnaa muhaal howa !
Ab ek chooti si baat app doston say share kartah hon . Mein aab shairi nahe kartah . Akharii shair bi kuch maheeno phalay likaa tah , jab say soch kaa daaar aysa band howa hai kay khulta hee nahii . DamanaY dil aysa howa chaak kay siltah he nahii .
Zindagi mein jo be lika hai woo hamayshah lik kay parkay phaink dia hai , khabii kaalam ki soraat jamah nahi kiaa , yea jo chand tootay phootay shair hain wo kissi meharban ki waja say save hain , jo us nay khabii save karkay send kar.deay thay. Yahan Gs pay yea soch kay post kardi ay kay mein agar margaaya tu shayaad meray hurf mayray honay ki gawaa’hi day dain . Liknay or post karna ka shoq hota tu kissi mashoor shair say islaa lay kay abhi taak kitabii surat mein duniya ko gift kardi.ay hotay !
Shair honay ka khabi dawa nahi kia , yeah shairi hay he kahan . Dil ki bahraaas hai jo khabii kagahzoon pay nikaal rakhee thee .
Muj ko shair na kahoo , Mir kay shaahib mein nay
Dard O ghum kitnay jama ki.ay tu dewaan bana
App sab ki pasand.deedgi or Islaa ( joh log daytay hain like Anu bahi or other) woo sab saar ankhoon pay . Lakin ye sab ek phase mein likway howe poetry hai or wo zamana kab ka poora howa or banjaaraa kaab kaa laad chukka hai ! Sab bas yun hi taatt paraa rahy gaya hai ! Mein ab likna bi chahoon tu lik nahi saaktah ! Kaash kay yahan ghalib ki tarha kah saktah :
So pusshat say hai Payshah’ay Aaaba sipaa gireee
Kuch shaairii , zaree.ya ay Izzaaat nahi mujhay !
Re: Ismay Jaalaal
^ sahib aap nain to poori taqreer hi kar daali.
agar aap koi shaa'ir nahin hain to hum kon sa deewan liye baithy hain. bas ye hai kay jo parh kay mehsoos hota hai likh daity hain. wo jo muhaal wala misra hai mairay khayal main 'sochna bhi muhaal' iss sayaq-o-sabaaq main nahin jamta laiken hum to sirf apni raai hi dai saktay hain. agar aap ko theek lagta hai to theek hai kyonkay aap ka kalaam hai.
main nain bhi yahan par kuch shaa'iri share ki hai. mairy khayal mein share karnay ka maqsad logon ki aaraa ka maloom karna hota hai. sirf wah wah kisi kaam ki nahin. issi liye main to jo mehsoos hota hai likh daita hoon aur khud bhi pasand karta hoon kay mairi shaa'iri parh kar log apni raai ka bar-mala izhaar karin aur jahan koi jhool, koi kami nazar aai to mujhe bataa'ein ta kay agli baar wo ghalati naan ho. agar aap ko meri tanqeed buri lagay to aik baar batana kaafi ho ga, phir nahin karon ga.
Re: Ismay Jaalaal
Aray bahi . AP ki tanqeed saar ankhoon pay . Ghulum hai banda , lakin hazaraat tanqeed kay saath islaa be kardain tu kia hee khoob hoo ?
like jab kohi wazan ki baat kartah hai , i always ask kay explain karo kahan galati hai or uski jagah kia hona chahe ? lakin yea kohi nahi karta !
Gs pay poetry . kissi painter ki chowk pay lagee howe paintin ki tarha hote hai , sab jahan jahan galati hote hai , ek nuqtaa tu laga daytay hain . us ko sahee kohi nahi kartah hai !
I hope u know wha i mean :)